Page 10 of Somewhere Only We Know
The text that I sent to Jax over winter break still haunts me. I never saw myself to be one of those guys who ends a relationship over text. Because that’s the coward's way out. You can’t say you love someone, tell them they’re your future, and then end it through a text. That means you didn’t love them enough to face them head-on. But I had no choice. My dad was too sick by the time I returned home that I was terrified to even go to the bathroom for fear of what I might find when I came back.
But I did what I did with Jax and that’s the biggest regret of my life.
“You transferred with a semester left of school?” Bryce and Chance shout at the same time. Thank goodness we’re the only ones on the patio. This tavern is a staple in Cincinnati and one we don’t tell people about because we choose to keep this hidden gem to ourselves. So them freaking out like this keeps my face off of social media with possible rumors flying.
“Yes. And it was the right thing to do,” I tell them.
Well, maybe not the right thing considering going from a top tier Division 1 school to a barely known Division 1 school made getting drafted that much harder. But I made it after busting my ass that semester so that scouts would take notice. They did and I’ve been in Cincinnati for the last six years.
“I mean, you did right by your family. But was leaving that easy?” Bryce asks and in our years of friendship, this is the most serious I’ve heard from him.
No. “Next to my dad getting sick, leaving was the hardest thing I ever did.”
This is much too heavy talk for drinks after a game. So I finish off the rest of my beer and look to them for another round. Standing up from my seat, I head to the bar and when I get the bartender's attention, I ask for another beer and a refill on our pitcher.
I doubt that Jax would ever want to speak to me. After all, I did leave her when I promised that we would graduate together. I promised a lot of things to her, and to myself.
I’m looking at the alcohol on the shelf when the door to the bar opens and my mind goes back to that day.
6
JAX
COLLEGE, SPRING SEMESTER - MARCH, JUNIOR YEAR
Ifind the room I’m looking for and bang my fist against Nate’s door five times until the side of my hand automatically aches from the force. The sound echoes down the empty dorm hall and I’m hoping he’s in here because I’ve been all over this godforsaken campus looking for him after he left me at the picnic table behind the football stadium. As soon as I pulled myself together, meaning I dried my tears and made sure I didn’t resemble a panda, I threw our trash out and began my search for him. He wasn’t in his usual places he hangs out at so with one last hail mary I came here.
It’s just after four in the afternoon and I know I’m not disturbing anyone. With a huff, I start to bang on his door again when it flies open. My fist hangs suspended in the air as I take in his ruffled and annoyed state. Clad in only grey sweatpants, my mouth goes dry but then I remember my anger.
“You just leave and that’s that?” I screech. “You tell me you have a crush on me and then leave? Nate!”
He rests his hands on his hips. “What else do you wantme to say, Jax? Do you want me to take it back? Trust me, I weighed the consequences for a long time, but it’s out there.” Defeat weighs him down and it’s my fault. “Is that all?”
“I–” no other words come out. Because what else can really be said? He said he has a crush on me and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same way. But, he’s my Nate. And he has been for the last three years.
“Nothing else to say?” It’s a rhetorical question Nate asks when he steps closer to me. “You always regale me of your day and talk about guys in your classes that flirt with you and suddenly you’re speechless. Tell me what you want me to say, Jaclyn.”
I wince because the only time someone calls me by my first name is when I’m in trouble or when I’ve hurt them. And it’s clear I’ve hurt Nate. My eyes burn into his. With him this close, his body heat reaching out to mine, I can't think straight. “I–I don’t know, okay? It’s always been easy with us. I don’t—how am I supposed to handle this? You’re my Nate and…”
“Stop talking.” Nate demands roughly before he snakes his arm around my waist and slams his lips to mine. He takes advantage of my gasp and slides his tongue against mine. We back into his dorm and the door slams shut. My body is pressed up against the wall and my hands claw at his waist, wanting to get closer than I already am.
With this position, I can feel how hard he is through his sweats and a whimper travels up my throat. He hooks his arm under my leg and wraps it around his waist.
“Nate,” I gasp out when his lips travel down my neck. My eyes close of their own volition as I feel everything down to my toes.
His hands traveling over my body leaves fire in its wake.All of the simple kisses with boys in high school have nothing compared to this with Nate.
“Jax,” he sings back.
Nate doesn’t wait for a response before he’s bending down and picking me up by the back of my thighs, moving us to his bed and laying me down. His body follows until he’s nestled in the cradle of my thighs. In this position, the feel of him pressed against me is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Which I have nothing to compare it to and it feels better than I ever could have imagined.
My arms wrap around his neck and our lips move in sync. Nate runs his hand through my wild curls and tugs on the strands, sending lightning bolts of arousal down my spine. His hands roam down my body and travel back up, his hands cage my ribs and I revel in the feel of his thumb rubbing the underside of my breast. My nipples harden and I wonder why I’ve starved myself of his touch.
“Wait, wait.” I say, breaking the kiss. My chest caves with my deep breathing and I lightly run my thumb over his kiss-swollen bottom lip.
He pulls back an inch with confusion written over his face. “What’s wrong?”
“I um…I’ve never,” I try telling him that I’ve never gone further than kissing and elementary over-the-clothes groping. But I think he catches on when his features soften.
