Page 61 of Let It Be Me
“I don’t know if you can classify it as a relationship.” I take a sip of wine and Cassie waits for me to gather my thoughts. “I think my mom resents me a little. I rebelled against what she wanted for me. And when I pushed back she pushed harder.”
“I think most parents just want what’s best for their children, even if at the time we’re clouded by the hypotheticals,” Cassie notes.
“This was different. This was her encouraging me to ignore my morals by taking someone back who got someone else pregnant. That’s not what was best for me.”
I take a healthy swallow of wine to choke down the emotion. The more I think of and talk about my crumbled relationship with my parents, the more resentful I feel towards them.
“Do you think there's a chance for reconciliation?”
“I’ve thought about it. But it would take my mom some big wake-up calls to realize that the longer I stay away and the longer we go without talking for that to happen.” I say off-handedly.
“What was your first thought when you found out your ex got someone pregnant?”
“Betrayal was the first word. He and I agreed that while we were working our way up the corporate ladder that kids weren’t our priority. And I agreed. Also at the time I didn’t even know if I wanted kids in general or I just unconsciously decided I didn’t want kids with him.”
“And now if you had to choose, where do you stand on the idea of having kids?”
“Are you asking me this as Riley’s mom or as a therapist?”I raise my eyebrow at her and try to bring some lightness into this conversation.
Cassie chuckles into her wine glass. “Maybe a bit of both. You two are–I’ve never seen my son happier than he is now. When his parents passed away, it was like watching one of those commercials of someone wearing the happy mask to the world but coming home and taking that mask off, revealing all of that sadness.” She blinks fast to stave off the tears and I find my eyes getting watery as well. “Dean and I did, and still do, what we can by keeping his parents' memory alive without making it seem too braggy that we knew them longer. Happiness is all I’ve wanted for him.”
“He brings me happiness too and that scared me at first because I put all of my eggs in one basket before. But he lets me feel things in a way that’s healthy. And as far as kids? I don’t know. If I chose to have kids and if my body allowed me to carry to term, I wouldn’t be opposed. And if I had kids with Riley, I also wouldn’t oppose to it,” I finish with a smile.
“I was right about you.” Cassie notes and I tilt my head in a silent question. “You’re good for him and he’s good for you.”
Conversation between us flows effortlessly. I talk to her like I would to any mom. We eat dinner as a family. Laughing and joking. Breaking out into out of the blue TV monologues. It’s the most fun and stress free Thanksgiving I’ve ever been part of.
And as Riley and I crawl back into bed later that night, I promise to myself to tell him how I feel by the end of the year.
Kisses dotmy face the next morning. I feel as if we just fell asleep and now a new day has begun. Kisses continue to run over my face and down my body.
“Wake up sleepyhead,” Riley’s husky voice beckons.
“I can’t. Too much tryptophan.”
Riley laughs into my neck and drops his body weight onto me. I can’t complain because I get a free heater so I wrap my arms around his neck and hope this brings him back to bed.
“No way. We have a lot to do today.”
“Is it too late to mold you into someone who sleeps in?” I joke through my still-sleepy state.
“Momma and Pops asked the same thing.” He kisses me on the neck and unwinds my arms from around his neck. “We’re decorating today.”
I peek and eye open and see him already decked out in a holiday-themed sweatshirt. “Oh no. You really do love the holidays.”
“Don’t think you’re getting out of this without matching. And on the thirty-first of December, you’ll get this chance too. Now get your cute butt up and ready.”
Riley hops up off the bed effortlessly and strolls into the living room full of chatter. I can’t help but laugh at his joy. While I love Christmas, I clearly don’t love it as much as Riley does. Doing as he says, I get out of bed and head to the bathroom to do my business and shower. When I’m dressed for the day, I head out to the living room with Sasha on my feet and halt when I see what greets me.
“Baby, we really need to talk about this,” I tell Riley as it looks like the entirety of Home Emporium threw up in his living room.
Plates being set on the counter being my attention to theman in the kitchen. “It’s a lot now but I promise once everything is in its place it’ll look good.”
I eye the decorations warily and make my way to the bar. My mouth waters at the omelet in my spot along with an iced chai with just the right amount of milk. Riley takes a seat next to me and I lean over to kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you for breakfast.”
He sneaks a kiss on my lips as I’m pulling away. “Feeding you is one of my favorite things to do.”
“What else is your favorite thing to do?” I ask and shovel food into my mouth.
