Page 75 of Let It Be Me
I hear his car starting up in the background. “Hi, Blue. How did shopping go?”
“You’ll find out as soon as I get home.”
“I like the sound of that. I’m gonna run to the store and pick up something for lunch and dinner, then I’ll be home.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you too, baby.”
See? I’m a sap. I place my bags in the trunk of my car and navigate my way out of the parking garage. With football season done and baseball season getting ready to start back up, my schedule of what I need to do for my clients is in the in-between. I’m still busy but not as busy as I was last year.
Pulling up to my house, I see a few cars parked on the street and think they must be guests of my neighbors. The girls greet me when I shut the front door and I’m not sure if they’re more excited for my return or if it’s that my return means a snack. They follow me to the kitchen where I do in fact feed them. I’m reaching for a glass for water when thedoorbell rings. Thinking it must be Riley but his hands are full I open the door without checking the peephole.
“You have that many…bags.” The words die on my tongue as I see who’s at my door.
“Did you miss us?”
The ghosts of my Christmas past have made their presence known in February. My mom, dad, and Paul fill the space in front of the door. My being fills with emotions I’m unable to grasp. But anger and disbelief that they can show up without warning takes over.
“What are you doing here?”
I haven’t talked to my parents in over six months. I ignored every phone call from them because it wasn’t worth my getting upset to hear her out. I hear Sasha and Pixie scramble past us at the door and barrel upstairs.
“You got cats?” My mom asks, completely ignoring my questions. Granted I didn’t answer her first question.
“Can we come inside? It’s cold out here,” Paul snipes. His pea coat has the collar popped up to shield his neck from the winter wind. And I cringe at the man I thought was the one.
I do everything I can to school my facial features at the three unwanted guests on my front step. But I open the door wider and motion them to the sitting room off to the side. I don’t want them here any longer than need be. And having them here already soils the happy bubble I was living in.
I close the door, but leave it unlocked because I know Riley will be home any minute. I lean against the frame to the sitting room and watch them take in what little decorations I have in this space.
“What are you doing here?” I ask again and curl my fingers into fists, probably leaving crescent indents.
“We came to see you. We missed you at Thanksgiving and Christmas,” my mom says like it’s not obvious.
“Why are you with them?” I ask my question to Paul.
He looks at my parents and they nod. “The baby wasn’t mine. And when I found out I moved out and I’ve been living with your parents for the last year. We were hoping you would visit last year so I could explain things to you. But you never answered any of our phone calls.”
The last year.“Do you know what I do for work? Do any of you know what I do for work?”
My mom waves me off. “Honey, you shouldn’t have to worry about working if you were still with Paul.”
“That right there is why we have gone so long without talking.” I say as I hold my hands out. “I want to work. Hell, I love to work. And you may think that it’s fine to be unfaithful to the person you pledged faithfulness to, but that doesn’t work in my eyes.” I hold my mom’s stare. Because while I have no doubt my dad has been faithful, I can’t say the same about my mom. Her personal training sessions at the country club went beyond the country club. It’s something I kept a secret and with a look, she knows.
“Oh, and you’re so happy up here. Away from your family and with your cats.” Paul spits and breaks up the stare down between my mom and I.
I feel a gust of cold air hit my legs and I know that Riley is finally here as evidenced by the three sets intruder's eyes looking behind me.
“As a matter of fact, I am. Because despite the betrayal I felt when you told me you got someone pregnant, I found love. I let someone in who didn’t find it hard to love me. In fact, I learned I wasn’t hard to love at all like you said. I just needed the right person to love.” I take in Paul’s clenched jaw and the clenched fists at being outed in frontof my parents. He probably told them his version of a story and they took his side. I then turn my focus to my parents. “The first day of college, I remembered wanting that version of you two forever. You were a perfect blend of my parents and friends. But as soon as I came home it’s like I didn’t know who you two were anymore. You weren’t the parents who let me cry on their shoulder when I found out my friend died. Dad, I don’t even know where you disappeared to, you let Mom control everything, including me. Mom, one day you’re going to wake up and wonder why you no longer have access to certain parts of my life. Because living the way that you live sounds more like a prison sentence than anything.” Riley comes up behind me and rests his arm over my front. Securing me. Anchoring me to him. I ignore their puzzled expression at this obvious form of trust between me and Riley. “Anytime you would call, it would never be to check up on me. It would be to see what my friend and her rich football player boyfriend were up to. But I’m your daughter. Not Kamryn, or Jax, or even Emily. Me. And you became so blind to this version of your life you wanted me to have. Maybe it was a product of how you were raised. But that’s not how I want to live.”
Riley wraps his other arm around me and kisses the side of my head. The three uninvited guests stand off to the far side of the room unsure of what to say or what to do. To be frank, I don’t know what to do either. Because the relationship I thought I had with all of them has been soiled by their own behavior. Maybe one day I could have been brave and made the first step to reconciliation. But finding out that Paul has been living with them ruined any chance of that. That type of betrayal doesn’t just mend with a few words and an unexpected visit.
“We just wanted a good life for you.” My dad speaks up and my mom turns her eyes to him.
“I have an incredible life here, Dad. Maybe my life was fine in Charleston but now that I’m here I realize that wasn’t my life. I don’t even remember that life that you wanted for me.”
My mom sets her stony gaze onto me. And I realize that I’m looking at a stranger. In all my time growing up, I don’t think I ever heard my mom own up to her faults. Siding with my ex who did cheat on me and then had him live with them is a fault I know she’ll never own up to. And for that she’s lost me.
