Page 62 of Always Will
“Yep. Yeah?”
She cocks her head, eyebrows cinched as she assesses me. “I was asking why you don’t like it here. Heritage is beautiful.”
“Ah, yeah. The scenery is great. I guess I just outgrew the place, you know? I needed more than it could offer, and with my early history here, it never really felt like a good place for me, anyway.”
“Maya told me a little about your life before adoption.”
I nod and take a deep breath. I’ve never had the urge to share this part of myself before, but I feel like she’ll keep it safe. “Can I show you something?”
As soon as she nods, I take her hand and lead her down the rest of the block. Then we turn opposite town square to cross the street.
“Where are we going? We have to get back for the movie.” She picks up speed as we hurry down the sidewalk.
“It’ll only take a minute.” My determined steps move in time with my pounding heart, setting the cadence for this traumatic detour. The red-brick buildings give way to trees after another block. I finally stop at a rundown apartment complex behind the Quick Mart, right across the street from the conjoined middle andhigh school. The streetlight casts a nefarious glow on the decrepit building. “This is where they found us.”
“Wha—” Willa sweeps her eyes back and forth, over broken windows and boarded-up doors. “Wherewhofoundwho?”
“This is where I grew up.” Dropping her hand, I stuff mine in my coat pocket. I’ve never told this to anyone outside of therapy, let alone shown anyone. But right now, it feels safe to hand this fragile memory to her. “The night we went into the system, the police found Maya and I huddled together in a closet after a full night of our bio parents drinking and fighting. She was ten, I was three. I don’t know how long we were in there, and don’t remember a lot, but when they helped us, the apartment was unrecognizable.” Fragmented images flash in my mind, but I push past the dread settling in my gut.I want her to know. “I just remember glass crunching under my slippers and a lot of blood.So much blood.”
She touches my arm lightly, and I start. “Whose?”
“Bio dad’s mostly. My birth mom stabbed him in the leg with a mirror shard after getting tossed around all day.”
“And he…?”
“Nope. The bastard’s still alive and kickin’. Nebraska State Pen, last I heard.”
“And your mom?”
“Oh, she’s in prison too. She got out when I was a teenager, long enough to get pregnant with Eli, and got herself locked up again. They were both young and had a lot of issues. Had no business having a kid, let alone two.”
Willa slips her hand into my pocket, her fingers curling around mine. My deep inhale does nothing to rid myself of the memories, not with the menacing building in front of me. Dropping my eyes to the ground, I take another shaky breath. The sound of the glass crunching under my feet was so distinct; I’ve never been able to forget.
I glance back at Willa, but she’s looking past me, toward theschools across the street. The sympathy on her face hardens into realization. “You had to walk past this place every day,” she says.
I nod. “Couldn’t forget it if I wanted to. I could see my worst day through my English classroom window for a solid five years.”
“No wonder you hate it here. I’d hate it too,” she says softly, and the change in her tone has me searching her face. She swings her camera behind her and pulls me into a hug. Her palms smooth over my back, easing the tension settled there. “Thank you for bringing me here, Trevor.”
I hold her tightly, closing my eyes to stop the visual assault that comes from looking at this building. Willa’s touch is a balm, each pass of her hands soothing the deep fissures etched into my psyche. I had no hesitation about showing this messy part of myself to her. As we embrace in the rundown parking lot, I have no second thoughts. Willa can have all of me.
Barn Movie Nighthas always been one of the best family traditions. Gathering all of my favorite people around the space heater. The projector playing a Christmas classic on the wall. Snow falling just beyond the barn doors. What’s not to love? Having Willa snuggled next to me, a blanket draped over our shoulders, is icing on the cake this year.
“Do you need anything? Snacks? Water?” I ask her.
She shakes her head and wiggles her fingers in between mine. “Just this.” Her smile knocks the wind out of me. Something in these past few days has shifted with Willa, and even though I don’t want to rush anything, my mind reels at the possibilities. Everyone else laughs at the movie, but I’m fixated on the gentle caress of her thumb, the heat exchanged between her skin and mine, and the way my stomach flutters at her giggle. My familyhas kept us so busy, I haven’t been able to get a repeat of that kiss. The demand to get her alone screams inside my head. I’m about to suggest a walk when her phone vibrates.
“It’s Ash. I’ll be right back.” She drops my hand, and it feels like she disconnected a power source.
“Here.” I stand with her, wrapping the striped wool around her. “Take the blanket.”
She rolls her eyes, that same smile from earlier sucking all the air from my lungs.
“We’ll go in with you. The girls are spent,” Maya says, holding Holland over her shoulder. Ben balances the twins on each of his as he follows behind. I watch until they turn out of the barn, a beat too long based on the handful of popcorn Eli throws at me.
“Boo, you giant! Down in front!”
Flipping him off, I move to the side to lean against the wall. I check the time every few minutes, and at fifteen, decide to go after her. When I walk outside, I hear her laugh traveling across the glistening snow, the sound tunneling through me, cataloging into that affectionate place in my heart. The glow from her phone lights up her face as she leans against the horse corral. I stick my hands in my pockets, the wind whipping around me. The slow crunch of my footsteps seems to echo in the wide-open field, and she looks up at my approach.
