Page 33 of Sunshine with You
“Patti told me you used to look at me like I hung the moon.”
“Eh, Patti says a lot of things.” My pulse pounds in my ears as I realize we’re stepping into some uncharted territory. This doesn’t feel like friendly reminiscing anymore. This feels dangerous.
“She told me you still look at me that way…”
“Patti’s got a thick prescription on those glasses…” I try to joke, but my voice cracks halfway through the delivery.
“You remember what I was wearing the first time we met.”
“Yeah. So what? I have a good memory.”
She looks at her toes and chews on her thumbnail as she asks quietly, “Do you ever think about that night?”
“Which night?” I know exactly which night she’s talking about, but I’m not letting on until she calls my bluff. Of course I think of it. I’ve thought about it for years. I thought about it a few hours ago. I’m always remembering that night, and what could have been if we weren’t who we are.
“The one we said we’d never talk about…” Her eyes slowly drift back to mine, her hands dropping to her lap. “I sometimes wonder what would have happened…if we were?—”
“Different people,” I finish for her.
She nods, biting her bottom lip. “Yeah. If we were just two people, open to the possibilities of each other instead of?—”
“A noncommittal player and a codependent romantic?”
“Harsh…but yeah.”
“I’m pretty sure those were your exact words when you turned me down back then…”
“Wha—I never turned you down! I was just being realistic. Besides, you didn’t object...”
“Would it have mattered if I did?”
“What?” Her mouth hangs open like she really has no idea the effect she had on me back then.
“You were fresh out of a two-year relationship, and I was just some tourist visiting for the summer. If I told you then that I was into you, would it have even mattered?”
“You were into me?”
“Don’t act like you didn’t know, Ash… I was ready to give it a shot after that night, but you wanted to forget it.”
“So youdothink about that night?”
With an exasperated exhale, I grip the arm of the couch to stand. The way my heart is pounding, it’s becoming more evident that being this close to her is a bad idea right now. I grab the glasses and wine bottle, then walk into the kitchen, flipping on the light as I go.
“What Ithink”—I say over my shoulder—“is that we’ve both been drinking tonight, and we shouldn’t be talking about the night we said we’d never talk about.” The glasses clink as I set them in the sink.
When I turn back around, Ashlie’s standing behind me, leaning a hip against the kitchen island. Her sweater has slipped past her shoulder, exposing the sharp angles of her collarbone.Thatis one visual I don’t need clouding my judgment right now.
“We’ve shared one bottle over two hours, with food. I’m not drunk, and neither are you… You didn’t answer the question, Hunt.” She bites her nail again, looking up at me through her lashes. The vulnerability in her eyes makes me want to come undone and tell her so many things—you’re beautiful, I want you, I love you. But I know the words wouldn’t come out right, and even if they did, it would be a death sentence for our friendship. For the sake of my sanity, I push it down and give what I can.
“Of course I think about it, Ash. I’ve thought about it almost every day for five years. I’ve never been able to get you out of my head. Not once.”
My words set her in motion, and even though her steps are slow and tentative, they pin me in place. She doesn’t stop until we’re wedged together, my hand falling to her waist.This is a bad fucking idea. The refrain echoes in my mind as her soft fingers slide behind my neck. Pulling me toward her, she pauses just short of my mouth. “You’re in my head too,” she whispers, then laces our lips together.
For just a moment, my thoughts stutter, battling my better judgment with the need growing in my pants. Logic wins, despite the screaming elation in my head, and I pull back slightly. “Ash,” I warn, looking into her eyes. The warmth I’m accustomed to seeing blazes with a fire brighter than the smoldering embers across the room.
“We could be those people, just for tonight.”
I shake my head, closing my eyes as the fight between rationality and desire rages in my head and heart…and jeans.
