Page 89 of Sunshine with You
Staring straight ahead, I cross my arms over my chest, hoping it will stop the crack in my heart from growing. I can’t move, can’t breathe, and can’t find the courage to take it all back. When Willa and Trevor reappear, juggling the supplies from the party, I reach forward and slam my door shut. Through the mirror, I watch Hunter flinch at the sound, then I keep my eyes forward until we pull away from the curb. When I look back, Willa’s sitting next to Hunter, his head hanging low.This shit just got messy.
The radio fillsthe silence as we drive to Chase and Kayla’s place. I think everyone in this truck has a lot to process about tonight. When we pull up to the high-rise, Chase waves us off and ushers Kayla inside.
“How’s your ankle?” Trevor asks when we get to the hotel parking garage.
“I think I’ll live… Might need help walking though.” I grin. It’s a fake one, but it’s dark enough in the truck that I hope he doesn’t notice. When I glance over, he’s studying me, drumming his fingers across the top of the steering wheel.
“It’s Hunter, right? The other guy you’re seeing?”
I blow out a puff of air and nod. Not only is the cat out of the bag, but it shredded its way out and left me with a giant mess.
“It all makes sense now… Look, we have a lot of fun together, but I can’t compete with that. He’sintenseabout you, Ashlie.” Trevor’s voice is as warm and friendly as ever. There’s no anger in his eyes as he smiles that sweet, comforting smile. “In my experience, when a man is that passionate about someone, it means something.”
“Yeah. It means he needs anger management.”
“Or”—he turns in his seat—“it means he cares about you. Maybe more. Righteous anger while defending you is worlds away from punching anyone who looks at you.”
“I just don’t like controlling men.” It’s such a weak defense, I think I’m trying to convince myself more than him.
“There’s a thin line between control and protection, and it lies within the motivation. A controlling man wouldn’t have stood by quietly while you drove off with another guy. His display at the bar was protection, Ashlie. Are you really upset about that?”
With a sigh, I shake my head. I don’t think Trevor’s wrong about any part of what he says. I did feel protected by Hunter…dofeel protected by him. He’s always had my back, but the protection tonight felt significant. Steadfast and committed.It felt likelove. I was smacked in the face with a reality I’ve been skirting around for months, and it’s clawing at my deepest insecurities, making me defensive in the worst way.
My eyes sweep over Trevor, and I realize he’s a really good friend.Onlya friend. A sweet, caring, good-natured guy who I don’t have feelings for. “You’re not supposed to be talking up the competition, Trev,” I joke, trying to lighten the serious turn of our conversation.
He laughs, showing off those dimples that used to make me swoon. “Hey, I can tell when I’m outmatched. Is it safe to say we’ve become friends at least?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Yesss.” He pumps a cheery fist in the air, eliciting another giggle from me. “Well, I hope you and Hunter figure it out.”
I take a beat, coming to terms with letting Trevor go. I’m more surprised I don’t feel a sense of loss about this breakup—if you can even call it that after a handful of dates. “This is probably the nicest I’ve ever been dumped.” A quiet laugh lilts my voice. “It beats an email by a mile.”
He throws his head back, chuckling. “Well, good. So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t really know.” I shrug, rubbing my forehead. “I’m so confused.”
“Yeah, I get it…”
“You do?”
He nods and shifts in his seat, leaning against the door. “Jumping into a romantic relationship with someone you’ve only seen platonically can be a pretty daunting step. Reconciling the person you know as a friend with a partner who’s now asking for your heart, wondering if it’ll work out, or if everything will end up ruined—it’s a leap into the unknown. All of the dynamics change. The stakes are higher. You have the ammunition to hurt each other, but need to trust that you won’t let it happen. They already know you so well, you have to face your own shit. It’s a scary transition. Maybe that’s part of your confusion…”
Chewing my thumbnail, I drop my eyes to my lap. Without knowing it, Trevor took the mess in my brain and turned it into a palatable dose of introspection. Made it seem normal. He explained it all in a way that makes it less shameful to admit to myself. I’m terrified to take that leap with Hunter and ruin it because ofmyissues.So many issues. The chance of us not working out looms over me like a dark cloud, the anxious drizzle threatening to turn into a destructive downpour.Losing him would be devastating.
CHAPTER FORTY
ASHLIE
Trevor carries me inside the hotel on his back. As soon as he steps from the elevator, I groan into his shoulder.Shit. I’d hoped to sleep on all of this and get some clarity tomorrow, but Hunter’s sitting on the wall by my door. Trevor gingerly places me on the emerald-green carpet and helps me hobble the rest of the way.
“Night, Trev,” I say, giving a side hug.
He wraps his arms around me in one last warm, friendly embrace. “Let me know how it goes,” he whispers in my ear, squeezing my shoulder before letting go. I lean against the doorframe for support. “Night, man.” He nods at Hunter, who pushes himself off the ground to stand.
Once Trevor is gone, Hunter’s words rush out as if they’re fighting each other. “I want to call off the bet.” He takes a deep breath and shoves his hands in his pockets. If it weren’t for the night we’ve had, the pleading look in his eyes would shatter my resolve. But I’m exhausted.I’m not ready for this.
Rubbing my forehead, I try to ease the sudden pounding. My chest tightens like a boa constrictor strangling its meal, my breaths turning shallow the longer I look at him.Please, not tonight. Call it avoidance or whatever, but I really need to sleep on this. “Can we do this tomorrow?”
