Page 87 of Some Kind of Forever
“Thanks, man,” I say, dropping my eyes to the ground.
“Sure. You’d do it for me. The question is, what are you going to do about Kayla?”
I shake my head, struggling to answer the question of the hour. San Francisco may not have been my fault, but tonight sure is. I acted like a petty asshole out of spite and fear, and I have no one to blame but myself.
“Do you want to be with her?”
“More than anything,” I croak, my voice low and gruff.
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t even know.” I shake my head again, at a loss for how to handle any of this. It feels like a lost cause. I have no plans, no motivation. All I have is sorrow…and a headache.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
KAYLA
The red-rimmed eyes I see in the mirror belong to the same face I left behind in my bathroom months ago. Despite looking like shit, I look like cleaner shit now that I’ve washed off the mascara that was running down my cheeks. I think I cried the entire hour-long drive back to Ashlie’s apartment, plus another thirty minutes on the couch as she showered and changed. I don’t feel tears on the edge of falling anymore, but I still feel terrible.
Tonight was an absolute disaster. I expected a little bristle from Chase, but he full-on ignored the fact I was sitting at the same table as him. He wouldn’t even look at me, and I’d know because I was staring at him all night long.
And the pond.
Ugh.
That whole conversation is one I’d like to scrub permanently from my brain. Seeing him like that—resentful and closed off, completely opposite of the guy I spent the summer falling in love with—was heartbreaking. And I feel horrible, learning what I said that day on the porch had that kind of effect on him.
“Girl, did you fall asleep in there? I have to pay that water bill.” Ashlie’s banging on the bathroom door snaps me back to the present. I turn off the water, completely forgetting it wasrunning. She sounds annoyed, but when I open the door, her face is full of worry lines and sympathy.
“Sorry…” Tears well up in my eyes again, and she pulls me forward into a hug.
“If you don’t stop apologizing…” she whispers, squeezing me tighter as my shoulders shake. She leads me over to her bed and prompts me to sit on the edge. “None of this was your fault, girl.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you still blaming yourself like it is? You did your best based on what you saw. When you learned new information, you tried to make it right. He was the one acting a fool tonight, not you.”
“I know that, but if I would have listened to him?—”
“Then what? You’d be in a relationship with a guy you didn’t really trust? We both know that’s not true. You saw what you saw, you were just missing part of the equation. You didn’t know what you didn’t know. That’s not on you.”
“But I hurt him, Ash. I really hurt him. I love him, and he won’t even look at me.” My cheeks are on fire as the fresh tears roll down the same raw trails the previous tears traveled before. I’m really tired of crying, but clearly, I’m not the one in control here as a new wave pours from my eyes.
Ashlie sighs, turns on the TV in her bedroom, and clicks to our favorite comfort show. “Let’s get into this third season, see if we can take your mind off of it for a little bit.”
I move toward the headboard, curling up on one side of Ashlie’s queen size bed. Staring at the TV, unable to see what’s on the screen through the blurry wetness that steadily streaks down my face, I contemplate closing my eyes, hoping sleep will overtake me. The buzzing of my phone on the dresser across the room makes me freeze. I turn to Ashlie, eyes wide and heart pounding.
I’m terrified.
I don’t know whether I’m more scared of it being a message from Chase, or itnotbeing a message from him.
“I’ll check it,” she says, rolling off her side of thebed. She taps my phone screen and shakes her head with a smirk on her face. “It’s Hunter. You want it?”
I nod and she tosses my phone across the bed.
Hunter
How you holding up?
