Page 79 of Some Kind of Forever
Why would he kiss her?
Seeing them left me feeling so small, and all I wanted to do was crawl into the deepest hole. Him yelling “I love you” in front of everyone just added to my embarrassment, like being loud about it would erase everything he did. But it didn’t. Isawthem, and I can’t just ignore reality, no matter how much I wanted to say it back.
I love him, but I need to love myself more.
Blinking rapidly, I take a deep breath in through my nose and choke down a sob, remembering the two of them on the fountain.No more tears.
The girl looking back at me in the mirror is all cried out. A three-hour car ride’s worth of sobbing and several more hours inmy bed was enough. I didn’t sleep well, but at least it stopped the waterfall. There will be no more.
I’m done.
My red-rimmed eyes ache as I scan over the puffy remnants in my reflection. With a sigh, I drop my eyes and slide my hand behind the shower curtain to turn on the water.
I can’t believe I fell for it…again.
The charm, the eyes, the convincing words. Chase laid the bait, and I fell for it all, hook, line, and sinker. My danger sensors were blaring at the beginning of the summer, but I cut the plug on all of them, even after seeing Maggie’s infatuation.
Maybe Maggie planned this…
No. I know what I saw, and I only have myself to blame.
Stupid.
I strip and climb into the shower, hoping the scalding cascade burns into my skin and seeps some sense back into my body.
Stupid.
That’s the only explanation I’ve been able to come up with. Work and the internship should have been my only focus this summer, but I let a stupid guy get into my stupid head, and he ended up doing the exact same thing the last stupid guy did.
What’s worse is that I told Chase all about Evan. I let go of my better judgment and trusted him with my heart. I trusted him to treat me differently because he made me feel special. And I wanted to believe, for once, that I was special. I gave him the power to devastate me.
And he did.
It’s myownfault for trusting him. I should have known better. Ididknow better. The common factor in both instances of heartache is me. Me and my stupidity. But that stops here and now.
I’m done.
So I wash the memories away. I cleanse the caresses from my face, scrub his touch from my skin, and wash all his lies down the drain. I strip him from my hair and from my life.
When I get out of the shower and look back at my reflection, I recognize who I see. This Kayla, guarded and safe, just like I was at the start of summer, is familiar. This is the girl who’s going to push this mess to the back shelf and move on. She’s the one who’s going to march into the bedroom, slap a look together, and tie up her hair. This is the Kayla who’s going to drive across town and stick up for herself.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
CHASE
Opening my eyes, I blink several times to figure out where I am. Hunter kicks my leg, dressed differently than he was this morning. A twinge shoots through my neck as I push myself up on the couch cushion. The TV is still on, and I don’t know how long I was asleep, but the sun has made its way to the other side of the house. I tip my head off the back of the couch and close my eyes again. Apparently, I needed the sleep and could go right back into it if Hunter would stop kicking me.
“Naw, you gotta wake up.” He shakes me again. “Kayla’s out on the front porch.”
Like a zap of electricity straight to my system, my brain comes online. I straighten up, scrub my face with my hand, and run it through my hair. “What time is it?” I ask, willing the grogginess to leave my voice. Kayla’s here. She came. I can fix this.
“It’s almost three. Look, I convinced her to wait another five minutes, and it’s already been two…”
I jump up at that, stretching briefly before making my way to the door. With a breath, I step out into the afternoon light and try not to squint against the brightness. Kayla sits on the bench under the front window, looking toward the edge of The Bluffs. Her hair is pulled back, locs braided to the side and draped overthe shoulder of her olive-green zip hoodie. The tip of her pointer finger scratches at her thumb, and my fingers twitch, wanting to wrap her hand in mine to calm her nerves. Even in this strained chaos, my breath hitches at the beautiful sight of her.
“Did you want to come in?” I say softly, not wanting to startle her.
She goes still before crossing a leg over her knee and putting her hands in the pockets of her jacket. Shaking her head, she looks down at the ground. I step slowly, worried she’ll bolt off the porch if I move too quickly. When I sit down next to her, she leans farther away, turning her gaze back toward the street, clearly not wanting to be close. The foot hanging from her crossed leg bounces quickly, and I reach over to touch her arm. When she flinches away from me, it’s like I can feel the hairline cracks in our connection fissure, and I wonder how we’ll be able to make it back from this.
