Page 21 of Jagger
I knew Cheyenne would be worried, but I never expected her to rat me out to Granny. I didn’t want the embarrassment of anyone knowing how he’d claimed me and threw me away in the same week. The burning in my eyes and nose grew as I looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep my emotions in check. Suddenly, I realized I wasn’t as pissed as I was hurt, and that pissed me off more.
Bringing my gaze back to Granny, I let the tears well in my eyes as I explained without going into too much detail. “Last night was the first night since we started talking that we had any . . . alone time.” I tried to divert my eyes, not wanting to talk about sex with Granny, but she wasn’t having it.
“Did he suck in bed?” she asked as I took a swallow of coffee. Nearly choking, I spit it out in a cough and reached for a napkin to clean it up as I fought to catch my breath. “Seriously, you and Cheyenne need to stop being such prudes. Everyone has sex, and if he sucked at it, he doesn’t deserve your tears.”
“Granny,” I began, “it’s not like that.”
“Then what? Because it’s not like you to take off without telling your cousin where you’re going, and it’s been a while since you just dropped by without calling, not that I mind. But I can’t give you advice if you don’t tell me what happened.”
“Last night, we left the bar on the ranch,” I explained, and she nodded, knowing about the clubhouse. “And on the way back across the ranch, I knew we were meant . . . meant to be outsideunder the stars.” That’s as much as I was going to say about the location or actions, and I hoped she understood.
“You felt the universe calling you to become one with your mate. I’ve been there,” she added, and I tried not to let my eyes grow wide at her admission.
Granny had always been a free spirit, but lately, she was more open about things of a personal nature, and while it was great learning what her life had been like and the things she’d experienced, hearing about her having sex was a little too much to stomach.
“It was . . . I can’t even find the words to describe the feeling of our souls becoming one under the sea of stars shining down on us. But this morning . . .” I began, and over the next few minutes, I told her what he said and about his accusations against me while she sat silently and listened.
When I was done, she reached over and handed me a tissue to wipe the one errant tear that had escaped while I exposed my broken heart to her.
Finally, I said, “But I know what this week was, and I was stupid enough to let my heart get involved. I don’t blame him. I was the easy one who fell for the bad boy. I’ve learned my lesson.”
Shrugging, I finished my coffee and felt the ice building in my chest. I wasn’t sad anymore. Nor was I pissed. Honestly, I was resolved, and that was scarier than any other emotion. I was resolved to be alone, only seeking men for the physical comfort they could provide. I was resolved that I may never get married or have children, and that was something I’d learn to live with. And I was resolved to rebuke any explanations from Jagger. He didn’t owe me anything, and I was going to tell him just that.
His claim was made in the heat of the moment, and I should have heeded Cheyenne’s warnings. Jagger wasn’t someone who wanted to be tied down, but I was stupid enough to think he was.
“What’s going through your head? Because the look on your face has gone from angry and hurt when you arrived to what I think now is apathy.”
Standing from my chair, I kissed Granny on the cheek and took my cup to the sink. Walking toward the back door, I looked over at her and said, “I just needed to hear myself say it, and I realize how silly I was. I’ll call Cheyenne as soon as I get home and let her know how sorry I am for taking off.”
“What are you going to do, Jackie?” Granny asked as I opened the door.
Stepping out the door with the knob in my hand, I replied, “I’m going to get back to the life I know and stop trying to force something out of the universe that I’m not destined for. Don’t worry about me, Granny. I’ll be okay. Thanks for the advice and coffee.”
Without giving her another chance to speak, I closed the door and walked down the steps to my car. As I backed out of her driveway, Granny stepped out onto the porch and watched as I pulled away. The disappointment was clear on her face, but I couldn’t see anything but pity, and that wouldn’t do me any good.
Driving to my house, I parked in my driveway and walked up the steps. My door had three locks on it, since I was alone and isolated on the reservation, and after rolling my suitcase inside, I disarmed the alarm before closing the door and securing the locks.
Everything was where I’d left it, and as I picked up the pile of mail from the door slot that I’d stepped over as I entered, I began to look through the envelopes. Walking to the kitchen, I took a seat at the bar and started separating it into junk, bills, and other. The bills were expected, so I moved them to the side after opening them. After quickly glancing through the junk, I tore those envelopes up and placed them on the other side.
The last pile had a few different things. One was a renewal notice for an old magazine subscription that I wasn’t going to renew. Another was something from my dentist about a cleaning. A few were junk disguised as important mail, and finally, there was a brown envelope, slightly larger than the others, that had no sender information. I almost tore it up but decided to open it, and when I did, I was confused about what I was seeing.
It was a picture of a small cluster of trailers with at least a dozen old or broken cars in the yard. There wasn’t anyone in the picture, but something about it seemed familiar. Staring at it for at least ten minutes, my mind began swirling over who could have sent it, where it was taken, and most importantly, why it was sent to me.
Dropping the picture onto the counter, I stood, and it was then I remembered I needed to text Cheyenne.
“Crap,” I said to the empty house as I walked into the living room, grabbed my phone from my purse, and took a seat on the couch.
Me:I’m sorry I left without telling you. I’m home now and will call you in a few days to talk. And I’m sorry if I caused any problems for the club. I don’t plan to hold Jagger to his claim, so please let him know when you see him that he’s off the hook.
Placing my phone on the coffee table, I stood from my seat and walked into my bedroom. I needed a shower before I went to see my dad, so I turned the water on before getting undressed and jumping in. My hair was clean, so I clipped it up before stepping under the spray. The soreness between my legs was intense as the warm water ran down my body, but I refused to allow my emotions to overtake me again.
I deserved better, and he didn’t deserve my tears. After washing and rinsing, I turned off the water and stepped out to dry off. My clothes were in the bedroom, so I wrapped a towelaround my body and walked in to get dressed. Nothing fancy for tonight with Dad, and tomorrow, I was getting back to my job.
Well, job might have been a strong word. My passion was seeking to put a spotlight on the reservation’s infrastructure issues, and I planned to spend a few days in the rural areas, taking pictures and documenting what I could. I never wanted to exploit anyone, but there needed to be attention on what was going on up here.
After I inspected myself in the mirror and shrugged at my acceptable appearance, I unclipped my hair and walked into the living room. I had a few hours before Dad would be home, and the need for sleep was growing with each passing minute. I refused to think about why I didn’t get much sleep last night as I took a seat and picked up my phone to see who had reached out.
Pulling my notifications down, I removed the one from Jagger without reading it and focused on Cheyenne’s reply.
