Page 70 of Hawk
“You did save me, and I don’t want you to have guilt over anything. If I understand correctly, you had your own nightmare during those years but still found the strength to save me from her. You gave me my freedom.”
“Stella, I can’t imagine what you’ve lived through, but I know one thing. The strength you instilled in Hailey when she was young got her through the dark times. You couldn’t help what happened to you any more than any other victim of assault could. Dwelling on the what if’s isn’t good for anyone,” Jacob reasoned, and I wiped the tears from under my eyes as Colton pulled me a little closer to him.
I looked at Colton and said, “I . . . I could have tried harder to get away.”
He turned me in my seat so I was facing him and began to speak, not caring that Hailey and Jacob were watching. “You are not allowed to beat yourself up. I was there and saw . . . everything. You survived a hellish nightmare that would’ve broken most people, so do not think you could have or should have done more. You have more strength than anyone I’ve ever met. I won’t let you dwell on the past, thinking you somehow didn’t do enough.”
“But—” I started to say, and he pressed a finger to my lips to silence me.
“No buts. Look at your daughter.” I followed his instructions and saw my beautiful girl with tears in her eyes and a small smile on her face. “Do you think she blames you for anything?” Hailey shook her head at me, but that didn’t stop the guilt from overtaking me.
Zeus pushed into my side and Jasmine lifted one of her paws to my lap as Colton continued to speak. “I won’t let you fall back into the darkness. And I won’t let you lose your voice to the silence you existed in. You’re here, you’re with your daughter, you’ve reconnected with your brother, and I’m not going anywhere.” He pressed his forehead to mine as he whispered, “You’re the strongest person I know, Stella. Don’t allow the past to overtake your future.”
“He’s right, Mom,” Hailey said, and I brought my eyes to her, allowing the tears to fall hearing her call me mom. “We both have demons that chase us, but I refuse to let them win.” She lowered her voice as she pleaded, “Don’t let them take you away from me again.”
“I . . . I just feel like I let you down,” I explained to Hailey and watched as Jacob pulled her closer to him.
“You could never let me down. Unless you walked away and never came back,” she admitted.
“I’ll never leave you again,” I replied, and she exhaled what appeared to be worry.
“Now that we’ve covered the heavy stuff, I think it’s time to get some fresh air,” Jacob remarked. “Why don’t we go for a ride and let the road wash the sadness away?”
Colton reached across the table and knocked fists with Jacob. “Good call, brother. We could go to the compound or just enjoy the ride. Whatever you want to do, darlin’.”
“I’d love to go for a ride, but I don’t want to leave Zeus behind,” I said and saw a smile push onto Jacob’s face.
“Then it’s a good thing we brought the side car. There’s enough room for Jasmine and Zeus, and I can get Gunner to send a prospect for your vehicle, so we don’t have to backtrack to Pierce Bluff,” Jacob reasoned, and I looked to Colton for guidance.
I felt like I was in over my head and out of my element, but seeing how happy Hailey was here made me want to try.
“Then I say let’s go for a ride. Are you sure it won’t be trouble to get my Jeep?”
“None at all. In fact, I’ll call Gunner right now and get someone on the way,” Jacob answered as he stood from the table.
He pecked Hailey on the top of her head before walking into the living room. Colton leaned over and whispered, “Will you be okay for a minute?”
I nodded to him, and he kissed me like Jacob kissed Hailey before walking into the other room, leaving Hailey and me alone. Jasmine was sitting next to her and Zeus was resting at my feet as I looked across at my daughter. She was beautiful and seemed happy with everything happening in her life, so for her, and myself, I needed to find a way to try.
“Can I ask you something?” Hailey inquired, and I took a swallow of my drink before giving her a nod.
“Are you and Hawk . . .”
She left the question open, and I glanced over my shoulder then back to her before shrugging. “I don’t know what we are.”
Hailey leaned closer and lowered her voice. “I’ve talked to him more than anyone since I moved here, and I can tell you, he’s head over heels for you.”
“But he . . . the kids—”
“No more buts. He likes you, and from all indications, you like him. Matthew and Anna are great kids, and I know they’re going to love you. Give him and yourself a chance to see where this goes.” I wasn’t sure, but she added, “You both deserve to be happy. Give him a chance. I know he’ll never hurt or betray you.”
“It’s been years since . . .”
“I’m not saying you have to jump into the deep end, but give yourself some grace. Everyone needs someone in their life, and for some reason, I think Hawk is meant to be that person for you.”
“I don’t know,” I returned, and she offered me a smile.
“When I first arrived, I was out of my element, much like you are now. It took time for me to open up, but when I did, I found a person who I can tell anything to. A person who loves me beyond reason, and a family that engulfed me in love and understanding. The Death Hounds can be that for you, and personally, I think you and Hawk make a cute couple.”
