Page 64 of Hawk
There is no rule book for meeting the daughter who was basically ripped away from you almost fifteen years ago, so moving forward seemed an insurmountable task. I looked at Hailey, and she smiled at me with such reverence and love that I felt unworthy.
“Hailey, why don’t you start with some of the questions you have, and Stella, you can answer what you’re comfortable with. Does that sound okay?” Colton suggested, and we both nodded.
“I’ll grab us something to drink,” Jacob offered and stood from the couch.
Quickly, he returned with four bottles of water and placed them on the table for us. I pivoted in my seat and looked at Hailey, ready for the painful questions to start.
“Where was I born?” she started, and it caught me off-guard.
“I was living in Missouri when you were born, but the years we were together were mostly spent in Arkansas and Alabama.”
“Where do you live now?”
I responded, “I lived in a small community in Alabama. I’ve been there for three, almost four years.”
“I lived in Birmingham until recently,” she replied, and I smiled, knowing the small cottage she used to call home.
Unless Hailey asked specifically, I wouldn’t divulge to her that I’d kept an eye on her since the moment I killed Alyona and sent her to dance with the devil. I worried she would be angry with me for not revealing myself sooner, but fear ruled me for years. Fear of her rejection, her judgement, and her scorn.
“Can . . . can I ask you something that—”
“I’ll answer anything I can,” I interjected, not wanting her to think she needed to tread lightly.
I knew I’d made mistakes, and leaving her that day was the biggest one I’d ever made. If it took a lifetime, I would do whatever I could to make it up to her.
“Who . . . who was Melody?” I briefly closed my eyes, not wanting her to see the shame I carried, and felt her rubbing the back of my hand. I lifted my gaze to her, and she offered me a smile as she spoke. “I don’t want to cause you any pain or bring up something that hurts you. If you don’t want to speak about her, I understand.”
Exhaling deeply, I released her hands and took a big swallow from a bottle of water before retaking her hands in mine. Delicately, I tried to explain. “Melody and I were both . . .” Looking at Colton, I silently asked for help.
He leaned forward and said, “If it’s okay, I want to fill in some of the gaps for you both.” A silent understanding passed between us as he continued. “When your mom was fourteen, her father made some horrible decisions and she ended up being taken away. For a few years, she was held against her will, and during that time, she met Melody. They became roommates but not friends, and shortly before your fifth birthday, your grandfather returned and forced your mother into a nightmare that resulted in you being left behind.”
Hailey reached up and wiped her falling tears, and I could see her pain was bothering Jacob. Colton kept speaking, always choosing his words carefully and doing his best to keep the secrets I’d asked him to.
“Melody, from what I’ve gathered, was unhappy with the situation and her decisions resulted in . . . what you experienced.” Hailey nodded her understanding, and I wanted to scream at the injustice of it all. “When she died, you were taken into state care because no one knew if you had any other family.”
“Did you know about her?” Hailey asked, and I lowered my head and nodded sadly.
“I didn’t know what she was doing until it was too late, but I tried to save you from her demented ways,” I tried to reason, and Hailey urged me to look at her.
“Did you . . . were you there at the house the day she . . .”
Again, I nodded, wanting to beg for forgiveness.
“Why didn’t you take me with you?”
“I—”
“She wasn’t in the right place to be able to take care of you,” Colton said. “She was still recovering from her years in . . .” He paused, and I finished his sentence.
“In hell. I wanted to take you away with me, but I couldn’t take care of myself. I thought you’d be better in foster care than with a mother who barely kept herself together. I . . . I know you can’t forgive me for everything. Hell, I can’t forgive myself for what you must have lived through.” Tears flowed freely as I said through sobs, “I understand if you don’t want me around.”
“Why wouldn’t I want you around? You saved me from her and . . . worse. You gave me a chance at a real life, and I just wish we could have reconnected sooner. But we have all the time in the world.” She shifted next to me, and I turned to look at her as she spoke. “Please don’t blame yourself for what happened. I can only assume you were experiencing things as bad, or worse, and I never want you to have guilt over anything.”
“How can you be so understanding? I was the cause of all your pain,” I said, and she shook her head.
“You were my savior, and I can’t begin to imagine what you lived through, but . . . we both survived, and that bitch is in hell where she belongs. Everything else is water under the bridge.”
I pulled her into a hug and felt some of the pieces of my heart get stitched back together. She was always the best part of me and seeing how gracious and forgiving she was gave me hope that we could have a future together.
