Page 20 of Hawk
Chapter 7
Stella
The painful memoriespulled me into a trance as I became trapped deeper in the past, and it was only when Zeus pushed his head under my arm and rested it against my chest that I was able to pull myself back to the present. He always sensed when I was drowning in the pain, and his ability to bring me back, reminding me I was no longer a victim but a survivor, was remarkable.
I looked down at him with tears spilling from my eyes as I spoke. “You a good boy, Zeus. I’m okay.”
He whined a little bit, and I reached down and rubbed his head. He relaxed into my embrace as I pushed the memories back into the vault I’d learned to store them in. The people who gave me the strength to rebuild myself explained that I would never forget but I could learn to control the memories. For almost the last ten years, from the moment Hawkins delivered me to my redeemer, I'd fought to reinvent myself, and just a mention of his name brought all the painful thoughts and feelings of self-loathing right back to the surface.
I shook my head and stood from my chair, refusing to allow the pain to drag me backward. Zeus kept his watchful eyes on me as I paced the small kitchen, suddenly feeling boxed in. Twisting my head from side to side, I felt some of the tension bleed away, as I took another hit from my pen. I hated using it, and usually beat myself up for needing it, but today was not the day to be sober.
Today was the day I’d come face to face with the man who saw me at my worst, who witnessed something that could have gotten both of us killed, the person who took me away from my dark nightmare and delivered me to the light.
Needing some fresh air, I opened the back door and walked into the fenced backyard. There were two chairs next to a table with an umbrella, and I took a seat as Zeus walked into the yard to do his business.
The loud sound of a motorcycle echoed from down the street, and I turned to look over my shoulder, realizing he was arriving. I briefly closed my eyes before opening them again, remembering who the fuck I was.
I was Stella Bonavair. No longer Lenkov, thanks to my redeemer.
I’d fought my demons and won. I’d destroyed those who could harm my daughter, and I’d protected her from the first moment I was able to. I was no longer the daughter of a monster, and I was no longer the possession of a psychopath.
I was free, and if it meant I had to confront the last painful parts of my past to free Halina—I meant Hailey—then I would walk through the gates of hell and take my place on the devil’s thrown just to keep her safe. My brother and his merry band of bikers could get fucked if they thought I was going to let her get corrupted, or worse, by them.
The rumbling of the motorcycle grew closer, and the louder it got, the madder I became. How could fate fuck me like this and deliver my sweet girl, not once but twice, to the hands of bad people? I let the anger fuel me, and Zeus, somehow sensing the shift in my mood, came and stood next to me. He was giving me support with his presence, and I was grateful for him.
I looked down at him and said, “Let’s get this over with.”
He followed behind me as I walked back into the house and waited for the motorcycle to arrive in my driveway. I heard him pull up outside, then the motor became silent. Any moment, he was going to knock on my door, and it was only because he’d helped me escape my hell so many years ago that I was going to hear him out.
If he said one thing I didn’t like, I was going to shoot him. Not to kill him but to remind him what I was capable of. I was no longer that naïve young girl, innocent of the ways of the world. I was a killer unlike anything they had ever seen, and if he pushed the wrong buttons, I would show him exactly what I was capable of.
Wanting to have the upper hand, I took a seat at the dining room table and summoned Zeus to my side. He diligently walked to me and sat down, facing the back door. I pulled the gun from my waistband and placed it on the table in front of me as I took one last hit from my pen. A knocking sounded into the house, and my anxiety tried to push closer to the surface.
Fighting it with everything I had, I took one deep breath before responding, “The door’s unlocked.”
“I won’t come in without you inviting me,” the voice behind the door said, and I rolled my eyes.
Standing, I walked to the door and opened it fully. He stood in front of me like the sexy savior he was, and it took most of my resolve to keep the hardened look on my face. He kept his eyes locked on mine and didn’t say a word as we silently stared at each other. He appeared relaxed in his jeans, T-shirt, and leather vest, but I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was hesitant to speak.
“Come inside,” I remarked and took a step back, allowing him to enter.
He looked down at Zeus, who hadn’t moved an inch, then brought his gaze back to me. I could get lost in his eyes, and I was clueless why those thoughts were in my head. I hadn’t felt the stirring of desire for longer than I could think of, so having Hawkins’s presence tilting me inside was confusing.
“Do I need to worry about him?” he asked, lifting his chin toward Zeus.
I took another step back and clicked my tongue, telling Zeus to back down, and replied, “Not unless you piss me off or try anything stupid.”
“Understood,” he said and took a step into my home.
I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, so I turned and walked to the table, taking my seat and giving him a bored look. His eyes flittered from me to the gun on the table, and he must have made a silent decision in his mind because he joined me at the table, taking the seat across from me. He didn’t appear to be fazed by the gun, and I could only imagine how much bloodshed and chaos he’d caused through the years.
We sat, looking at each other until it began to grow uncomfortable, and I finally broke the silence. “Do you have something to say or are you ready to leave?”
Hawkins leaned forward, resting his forearms on the edge of the table and clasped his hands together before he spoke. “Your daughter wants to know about you.”
