Page 29 of Gunner
I thought out my brother’s words when Kade arrived to pick me up. I was expecting to take his bike and was pleasantly surprised when he opened the passenger’s door to the club’s SUV. After helping me into the vehicle, he jogged around the front and climbed behind the wheel. We made small talk on the drive out of town, mostly discussing the bakery and my degree. He praised me for my hard work and determination.
When he pulled into the parking lot of Pierce Lake, I looked at him expectantly. He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows before exiting the vehicle and helping me out.
“I thought we could have a nice picnic. I know how much you love coming here, and I didn’t want my ambush yesterday to taint your feelings about the place. I hope that’s okay,” he explained, and I smiled up at him.
Pushing to my tiptoes, I pecked him on the cheek, and his brilliant smile shone down on me like a ray of sunshine. Reaching into the backseat, he pulled out a picnic basket and laid a blanket over his arm before turning to me.
“After you, darlin’.” He offered me his other elbow, and I placed my hand onto his bicep as we walked around the beautiful lake.
The small picnic pavilion on the far side of the lake was vacant, and he spread the blanket over the wooden table as I sat down on the attached bench. With a flair, he pulled out fresh fruit and veggies, cheeses and meats, a loaf of French bread, and bottles of water. He sat next to me and plated us both a sampling of the various foods.
After we ate, we both turned to place our backs against the edge of the table and let our gaze move to the slow lapping shore of Pierce Lake. “Thank you for today.”
Kade turned to me and slowly lifted his hand to my cheek. I found myself leaning into his embrace. “I’d do anything for you, Sadie.”
His thumb stroked my cheek, and I licked my lips, needing him to kiss me, to show me he was real and really here with me. Sensing my need, he leaned over and softly pressed his lips to mine. Pulling back before the embrace went any further, he smiled at me, and I felt a blush on my cheeks.
With a sexy wink, he turned back to the lake and placed his tattooed arm around my shoulder. I leaned into his chest and spoke into the air, not expecting a reply. “Don’t hurt me again.”
“I’d rather die than ever cause you any pain again.”
With a content sigh, we let the silence of the location overtake us and the millions of things we needed to say. For now, they could remain in the background until we found our solid ground again.
***
December 2009
“So, it’s been six monthssince you and Kade started dating,” Ann stated, and I nodded. “How are you feeling about everything?”
I had an appointment with her the day after our second ‘first date’, and she helped me work through all the thoughts swirling through my head. Part of me wanted to hate him for the way he hurt me, and part of me wanted to forgive him immediately. She and I worked on setting boundaries I was comfortable with, and slowly over the months, he and I have grown closer than we were before.
He and I came to the understanding that while our relationship had love in it, he was battling too much, and I was hiding even more. The relationship started with him needing to save me and ended with us saving ourselves. He was able to have a drink without getting drunk, and I’m able to share a little more of myself with others.
I looked across at Ann, who had her bare feet pulled up into her oversized chair, mirroring my comfortable position. Smiling, I thought about all the things Kade and I were able to share with each other over the last half-year and answered honestly, “I think I’m ready.”
Her eyes grew with delight and she smiled before leaning toward me and requesting, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
I chewed on my lip, fighting the smile threatening to split my face in half. “Well, you know we’ve been able to do . . . some things, and I want more. I think, no, I know I’m ready.”
“Have you talked to Kade about what you’re thinking?”
I shook my head, and she frowned slightly before I explained, “He told me how the stress of worrying about me, afraid how he could hurt me, was part of his drunken reasoning that night.” There was no need to explainwhichnight since that was the catalyst for me coming to see her in the first place. “I don’t want him overthinking it, filling himself with worry, so I decided to take control of the situation.”
She tilted her head, and I continued, “Jacob is staying with Uncle Mick and Dalton at the hunting cabin for a week starting tomorrow, and I thought it would be a good time to show him that I’m not broken. I also understand what could potentially be triggers for me. I want this so badly and I really think I’m ready. Eighteen months of therapy and my support group have given me the strength I need to put it in the past where it belongs.”
“I’m proud of you, Sadie. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met,” she reasoned, and I fought the tears threatening to spill. “Just take it slow and remember to enjoy it. Sex isn’t meant to be used as a weapon, and once you get past that final hurdle in your mind, you’re going to be amazed at the woman waiting to emerge.”
I hugged her before promising I’d call if things became too much for me. Leaving her office, I stood on the sidewalk beside my car and tilted my face to the sun as tiny flakes of snow started to fall from the sky. The cold crystals melted on my skin as soon as they touched me, and I smiled up, feeling lighter than ever before.
I stopped by the store and grabbed the list of items Uncle Mick, Dalton, and Jacob requested for their trip before going home. When I pulled into the driveway, I saw Kade’s bike parked next to Dalton’s, and I smiled before climbing out of the car. The front door opened, and Jacob bounded off the porch and down the stairs, running to me with a huge smile.
“Did you get my chocolate milk and all the stuff for smores?” he asked as he started digging into the bags still in the trunk.
I laughed and replied, “It’s all in the bags. Help me carry them inside, and I’ll show you everything I got. Okay?”
“Okay,” he replied before he hefted two bags into his small fists and carried them across the yard.
Dalton walked out with Kade on his heels, and he grabbed the rest of the groceries from the trunk. Dalton walked into the house, moaning about snow and having to park his bike as Kade pressed me against the trunk of the car and kissed me breathless. I squeezed my legs together as he swept his tongue into my mouth.
