Page 9 of The Soul that Redeems Me
It took everything for me to keep the kiss gentle and walk away from her. I knew her making a move toward me was monumental and I could see that as soon as she turned away, she was feeling defeated and rejected. Her beautiful eyes turned down as she tried to withdraw into herself again. There was no way I was going to allow her to think I didn’t want her and everything she had to offer, now and in the future.
I hadn’t planned on telling her how I felt this soon, but as her lips touched mine, I felt my world shift into place. The electric jolt to my heart let me know I had foundTheOne.Emily was my forever, and if I had to, I would wait an eternity until she was ready for me. I knew I would need to be gentle and patient with her, and I hoped this new development in our dynamic wasn’t going to affect the solution I had made for the housing situation.
When she was talking about living by herself earlier, on the way up to the apartment, I wanted to tell her what Andrew and I had discussed. I prayed would be an amenable outcome to a growing problem between the siblings.
As I stepped into the shower, I willed the blood away from my semi-erection and back to my brain. I needed to get my libido under control before I rejoined her and I didn’t want to take myself in hand. I would wait for her until she was ready for me.Forever, if necessary.
I let my mind wander to the conversation I had with Andrew and Lucas last month. Andrew had let me know what Emily was saying about moving out; and how he and Caroline wanted to have a house, but didn’t want to uproot Emily after she had gotten settled. They knew she was fragile, but I felt like they were hiding their desire from her to protect her, instead of talking it out like adults and giving Emily the chance to make her own choices.
Emily was tougher than she looked. Even though she experienced the worst of humanity at a young age, she still had a positive outlook on life that was infectious. She hid a part of herself away, and I was determined to find out what it was and help her move past it. She deserved all the happiness in the world and I prayed she would allow me to give it to her.The world and so much more.
My oversized house was less than half a mile from Lucas and Maddie and I saw a perfect opportunity to help everyone out, while allowing me the chance to be the protector in Emily’s life. My house was way too big for me and Jake, and I was gone long hours during the day and I felt like my canine friend was being neglected.
Thinking that a homeswapmight be a good idea, I had my house appraised and sat down to discuss my intentions regarding Emily, first with Maddie and Caroline and then with Andrew. I wanted to be close to her, and if me living with her made anyone uncomfortable, I would buy an apartment in the building so I could be nearby. Caroline and Andrew would be closer to Maddie and Lucas, they would have a large house and yard for Lillian to grow up in and I would be able to have a place closer to the gym and my office for MSJ.
When I spoke with them, I was afraid that I would be dissuaded from a relationship with Emily and I wanted to make sure that they fully understood my intentions where she was concerned. I never want her to feel that she was backed into a corner to live with me. I wanted the decision to be hers and no matter what, I would be there if she needed me.
What if she was scared to live with me? What if she wanted to try and live by herself, either here, or somewhere else?
I liked the thought of living with Emily, but if there was any indication she would be uncomfortable with the arrangement, I would buy the apartment for sale two stories below hers. No matter what, Caroline would sign the apartment over to Emily, much the same way Maddie did with her.
I had this overwhelming need to be close to her. To watch over her. To protect her. I wanted to be the man who took care of her every day and the person who got to see her beautiful smile every morning while she enjoyed her coffee. I was willing to hide my own feelings for her if it meant she allowed me to look after her.
With that simple kiss, I feared she may not see me as a roommate and would be apprehensive with me living here sharing a home with her. It seemed fast that I wanted to live with her but in reality, I was going to ask her to share an apartment, not a bed. I knew she wasn’t ready forthatstep and I could control myself where she was concerned… at least I hoped I could.
Us living together would give Emily the chance to really get to know me, and for her to slowly let her guard down. She seemed vibrant and carefree, in reality she is anything but. Her view of life is still positive but, sometimes, I see her lost inside her own mind. On those occasions, I want to hold her until she bypasses her fears and painful memories.
My hope is she will open up to me or someone else, about what is bothering her. I can’t imagine her past is giving her any peace and with her admission of taking medication, and her regular therapy sessions, I knew she was getting the help she needed. We just needed to give her space and time to tell us or accept whatever it is that is weighing on her so heavily.
I finished up with my shower and tossed on a pair of grey sweatpants with a simple black t-shirt, and made my way back into the living room. I walked into the room and she was sitting on the couch with her short legs pulled up on the cushion beside her, as she listened to music on her phone and silently swayed to the rhythmic beat.
I stepped in front of her and broke whatever trance she had allowed herself to get caught in, hoping to bring her mind back to the here and now. I extended my hand out toward her, palm up, silently asking for her to stand. Her small fingers interlocked with mine as she stood and took a small step toward me. I brought my arm around her back and gently tugged her closer, leaving no room between us as we slowly swayed to the tune playing from her phone speaker in our otherwise silent surroundings.
The smell of her perfume was intoxicating and it took extreme willpower to keep the blood from my cock. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel my erection and run or back away from me. Knowing a little about her past makes me more able to control my sexual desire for her and keep from making an ass out of myself.
We swayed together for a few minutes, no words being spoken as the music changed from one song to another. Slowly, she looked up at me with her hypnotic hazel eyes and I uttered the words that had been burning inside my brain since the first time I saw her:
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”
A blush erupted across her face and she glanced down, breaking eye contact with me. With a single finger under her chin, I guided her head to look back up at me, and stared into her beautiful hazel eyes, no other words spoken.
The knock on the door brought us back to the present and I released her with a sigh as she gathered her phone and turned the music off, breaking the spell we had been under. I signed the slip from the delivery driver as she grabbed some utensils and met me at the coffee table, ready to dig into the delicious food.
“Do you want to watch something on TV?” she asked, the remote poised to tune in a channel.
I needed to show her that she could be comfortable with me. I wanted to experience the daily things that people do when they live in the same space. I had lived alone since I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 and was lucky enough to never have a roommate in college. Living in a dorm was the closest thing to sharing a bedroom I had done since I was adopted and I felt old memories start to creep in of the last bedroom I shared with someone.
Shaking the horrible thoughts off and focusing on the beautiful woman at my side I joked, “Whatever you want to watch is fine. I’m not picky when it comes to television. As long as it’s not the Kardashians, I’m okay with it.” As we began to eat our dinner and she pulled up last week’sSurvivor.
“Are you a bigSurvivorfan?” I inquired as I grabbed a tortilla chip, loaded it with guacamole and offered it to her.
With a bite into the delicious chip, she shook her head. “Not really. I started watching it this season when the police officer from Gainesville joined the cast. He is on a few of the covers of Maddie’s and Caroline’s books and I felt like I should watch it.” Emily answered with a shrug as we watched him find something and shove it in his pants to hide it.
“Did he just shove that, whatever, into his pants?” I laughed as we watched the goings on with the cast and challenges on the show.
“The immunity idol? He sure did. This is the second one he won and they are both floating around his underwear, I imagine.” A giggle broke free from her as we both started to laugh.
“I can’t understand reality TV, but to each their own, I guess,” I explained, and gathered our dinner trash and made my way into the kitchen to dispose of them.
