Page 8 of The Soul that Redeems Me
I brought her small body close to my face, “Hello beautiful girl. I’m your Aunt Emily. I’m so happy to finally meet you.” Allowing the tears to fall as I placed a soft kiss on her forehead and situated her carefully back in Caroline’s waiting arms.
“She is so beautiful. I’m so proud of you. I know mom and Dad are here, and they are proud of you too.” I told them as I placed my arm around my brother’s waist and hugged him from the side.
I had already been feeling like I was intruding on the family and my decision to look for another place to live was solidified when I held Lillian for the first time. They deserved to have a marriage and raise their family without Andrew’s broken little sister taking up space. I fought to keep the smile on my face as the door opened, and in came Aunt Lisa and Uncle Joe. I saw Josh in the hallway and walked out to him, giving them some time alone with their new granddaughter.
“She is so pretty. Have you been in to see Maddie and Lucas yet?” I asked him.
“I was waiting for you. I wanted to give you some time alone with Andrew and Caroline, and I thought maybe we could go in together to see Maddie and Lucas.”
I linked my small hand into his large one, and his eyes shifted to mine and his smile overwhelmed me. We walked the ten feet to Maddie’s room and gently knocked before we opened the door.
Maddie was looking at her father with a smile of contentment, and Lucas was holding her hand when we entered the room. Jason was rocking the baby and whispering words of love to his grandson, as we made our way to the bed and embraced the new parents.
Josh and I walked toward Jason and he tipped the baby toward us so we could see, but so far he didn’t seem like he wanted to let the baby go.
“Hello, James. Welcome to the world,” Josh whispered before going over and squatting down next to Maddie, taking her hand into his.
I kept my eyes focused on the baby, not wanting to see the moment that passed between them. Knowing what they once shared wasn’t a deterrent to my emotions for Josh, it was just difficult looking at them, and not feeling a little jealous and a lot sad. Jealous of their past, and sad for a future I wasn’t sure I would ever get.
We spent a few more hours at the hospital before it was evident that the new families wanted some alone time and desperately needed sleep. Andrew and I had discussed me staying in the apartment alone until they came home in a few days, and Jason, overhearing the conversation, downloaded the security app to my phone and walked me through the instructions.
After another round of hugs and goodbyes, Josh and I finally got into his Jeep and headed toward the apartment, thankful that everyone was happy and healthy. When we got to the building, I expected him to drop me at the curb.
I became confused when he parked in the lot and began to gather all the bags from the back seat, indicating he was coming up with me.
“I can get the bags upstairs, Josh. I know you probably want to get home and check on Jake. You may still be able to see your parents before they go to bed.”
“I’m staying with you. I texted my parents before we left the hospital, and Jake is fine with them.” His tone was clear and confident as we entered the building and got into the elevator.
“You don’t have to do that. Jason showed me the security system and I’ll be okay for a few nights. I’ve got to get used to living by myself soon, anyway,” I reasoned with him, a look passed across his face, too fleeting for me to get a read on it.
My life, just like that of everyone around me, was changing and evolving. I had to formulate a plan to find a place closer to campus and work out transportation. My motorcycle, a Honda Grom, gets ridden very seldom since we moved to Atlanta. The traffic is too heavy and my vehicle too small to be safely ridden for my commute.
In New Orleans, the gym and our house were in the same part of the city and the drive took less than 15 minutes with traffic. In Atlanta, my commute by vehicle would be 20-30 minutes on the interstate.
I was lost in thought about my plans, when his words cut through my mental haze.
“I want to stay with you until they come home. I’ll sleep on the couch, but I want to be here to make sure you’re okay. Today was a lot to handle, and I know I don’t want to be alone right now. I was thinking you may be feeling the same way. Please, can I stay?” We made our way to the front door, entered the apartment I had grown to love, and would miss when I moved out.
I turned around to the sound of the door closing and him securing the alarm. My heartbeat increased the longer I looked at him. Forcing my eyes to another spot in the room, I shrugged my shoulders, hopefully hiding my inability to think straight.
“I’d…I’d like that. Thank-you.” My whispered words cut through the silence of the room like a scream.
He slowly approached me and I lifted my head so I could look at his handsome face, praying he didn’t see how much his presence affected me. Josh didn’t make me feel nervous. He made me feel desire, want,need,unlike anything I had ever experienced.
He stopped in front of me and his hand gently reached out and caressed the side of my face. I felt my eyes closing and my head leaned into his soft embrace. I willed my eyes to open and found him staring at me, a small smile gracing his handsome face. I found myself getting lost in his eyes, feelings I was unaccustomed to were threatening to pull me under.
I raised myself up on my tiptoes as he leaned down toward me. I placed a small kiss on his full lips, not more than a peck, before I lowered myself from the balls of my feet.This was his chance.I felt a zap, like lightning, crack between us but he didn’t take the moment any further. I cast my eyes downward and felt like a fool. He was being kind, as to not make fun of me.
He took my hands into his and gave them a squeeze before stepping back and grabbing his overnight bag. “I’m going to take a quick shower if that’s okay. I want to get the hospital smell off of me, and I’ll be quick so you can get in after I finish. How about you order us some takeout? Anything you want, my treat.”
“Sounds like a great idea. How do you feel about Mexican?” I asked, suddenly shy and walking toward the take-out binder where all the menus were located. I needed the time alone so I could get the mortification under control and figure out a way to apologize to him for the kiss. He obviously was only here to look out for me like my brother would, and I misread the signals, causing him to be uncomfortable.
Josh dropped his bag and slowly walked up to me as I flipped through looking for my favorite restaurant menu, hoping to take some of the embarrassment out of how I was feeling. I kissed him and he acted like it didn’t faze him while the brief touch of his lips to mine was causing my body to ignite like never before.
I felt him behind me, his large body gently touching mine as he looked over my shoulder and pointed to a number on the menu, reflecting his choice. I expected him to turn and go toward the shower. What I didn’t expect was for him to place his hand around my jaw and gently turn my head so it was turned toward his, my body following until I was facing him. Ineverexpected him to reach out and place a kiss on my lips that rocked the foundation I was standing on.
His strong lips were pressed against mine, the short beard rubbing against my skin as his tongue gently stroked my closed lips, begging for me to open. I parted my lips and he barely entered my mouth with his wet tongue, just enough for the tip to stroke mine, causing a moan to erupt from me.
His hand stayed on my jaw and his thumb caressed my cheek, as we kept the kiss simple and sweet. While my body was in overdrive wanting him, my brain was trying to process my feelings and not allowing the panic to set in. Josh would never…
He broke the kiss and placed his forehead against mine, our breath intermingling. I stared into his dark brown eyes and he stared into mine.
“Don’t get inside of your head, Emily. I want us to talk about a few things before we even begin to discuss how fantastic that kiss was. I saw you backtracking, and I won’t let you think that I don’t want this. That I don’t wantyou. I just want us to take thingsreallyslow and allow them to progress at a comfortable pace for both of us. There are no expectations. Only you and I getting to know each other and spending time together. Everything else, we can figure out later. Okay?”
Blowing out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, I nodded, “I like the sound of that.”
He placed another gentle kiss on my lips, then reluctantly pulled away as he gathered his bag and headed toward the shower, “Order dinner, woman! I’m starving!” He laughingly ordered as he closed the door, leaving me alone to process what had just happened.
He said he wanted me!
