Page 7 of The Soul that Redeems Me
We had just finished eating our lunch in the outside seating area when Josh’s phone began ringing. We’d sat silently through our meal and I found myself sneaking glances at him, admiring his dark hair, well-kept beard, and piercing eyes. The tattoos he had were peeking out from the rolled-up sleeves of his shirt and I could see black lines disappearing under his collar. I wondered what the entire picture of his ink looked like and I fought to control the blush from creeping up my face as he answered his phone.
“Jason?… Okay. We will be right there.” Josh disconnected the call and looked at me with an infectious smile. “Are you ready to become an aunt? Jason said we need to come back upstairs, your niece is on the way.”
I smiled and nodded my head as we gathered our trash and made our way back to the elevators, getting whisked back up to the maternity floor, where life begins and joy is plentiful.
I wonder if I will ever experience the feeling for myself? Don’t get back in your head, Emily. Stay here, in the moment, lean on Josh.
“I can’t believe she is about to be here. I wonder how Maddie is doing?” I asked Josh as the elevator stopped and the doors opened with a whoosh.
He shrugged his shoulders as we went back into the waiting room and found Uncle Joe and Jason pacing back and forth and Aunt Lisa nowhere to be found.
“Well? Any word?” I asked Uncle Joe, trying to get him to stop wearing a path in the carpet.
“Andrew came out and said it was time and Caroline wanted Lisa in the room for the delivery. Maddie is fully dilatated and Lisa is going back and forth between the rooms. She said both babies will be here very soon,” Joe responded, and began pacing again.
I sat down and found myself rocking back and forth slightly, a nervous twitch I developed when I went through rehabilitation after my accident. I didn’t know where my fear and apprehension were coming from but I had this feeling of a lead weight in my stomach, all the food I just ate threatening to come back up.
Suddenly, I felt an arm come around me and Josh gently pulled me into his strong chest, as he rubbed one arm with his large hands and took my hands with his other, keeping me from fidgeting and allowing my stress to come back to a manageable level. Jason glanced over at us and gave me a subtle wink as he continued to walk the waiting room floor.
I’m not sure how much time had passed but before I knew it, Aunt Lisa came down the hall and we all jumped up and surrounded her, waiting on the news of the newest additions to the family.
She cleared her throat as her eyes glistened with tears and she fought a smile that threatened to split her face in half. “Lillian Grace Sheppard and James Michael Walters have arrived. They were born twenty-one minutes apart. Both mothers and babies are doing great and should be ready for visitors in a little bit. I told them I would come let everyone know.” She explained before being consumed by a group hug that had all of us in tears.
The five of us stood in an embrace for a moment before pulling away and wiping at the tears we had allowed to fall, unchecked. My feelings of overwhelming sadness had morphed into elation and joy at the arrival of our newest additions.
The names of the babies made me smile as I cried happy tears. “Grace” after my mother and “Michael” after Lucas’s father. Both were missing from the joyous event, and their absence was palpable. I looked over and realized Jason had quietly collapsed into his chair and was silently crying, shoulders shaking. Tears for his lost love, Sara, I imagined.
I found myself moving across the room, sitting down next to him, and rubbing his back. The gesture was foreign yet felt necessary. I don’t know why, but I felt the overwhelming need to give him comfort. I knew some of the pain he was feeling at the loss of a loved one, and I hoped to be able to give him a reprieve from mourning, if even for a moment. He looked at me with his watery eyes and in a low tone spoke, barely loud enough for me to hear:
“I know you understand the pain of loss as much as I do, but don’t allow the past to dictate your future, Emily. Your parents, Sara, Lucas’s Dad… They all are here with us and would want us to be happy. If you find someone who makes you happy, hold on with both hands for as long as you can. Don’t let anything… not work, school or life… stop you from experiencing the love they have to share. Don’t be afraid to be open with him, either.” He nodded his head toward Josh who was talking to his parents on the phone while Aunt Lisa and Uncle Joe waited for the chance to be back with their daughters and new grandchildren.
I snapped my eyes to him as he continued, “I can see how much you care about him, and how much he cares about you. Give him a chance if your heart is so inclined. Life is too short to live with regret and pain. Celebrate today and let the rest work itself out tomorrow. I promise it will all be okay.”
I found myself nodding my head at the man who sacrificed his own happiness to protect his family, and never had the chance to be reconnected with his one true love. His words of advice carrying more meaning than he could possibly understand.
“I’ll remember that,” I replied to him as he stood up and made his way to the rest of the family. Josh finished his phone call and returned to the seat next to me.
“Are you doing okay?” Josh asked, as he watched Jason interact with Joe and Lisa. “What did Jason want?”
“He just reminded me our loved ones that are gone, really aren’t gone. They’re still here and want us to be happy. I think he was reassuring himself as much as he was trying to comfort me.” I shrugged as I explained the brief, yet intense conversation I’d just had with Jason. There was no need to go into the personal advice he gave me on Josh. Especially notwithJosh.
It was the first real conversation I’d ever had with Jason. Somehow, he made me feel like he had always been a part of my life, and I took his advice to heart. I would celebrate today and let the rest wait until tomorrow.
I would give Josh a chance, an opening to see if he feels for me what I feel for him. A complete and total devotion to him, and a desire for a future filled with happiness. I was scared but my parents had always told me ‘something worth living for is something worth fighting for.’
“If anyone would know, it’s him. I think it’s great advice. Are you ready to meet your niece and nephew?” His eyes danced with excitement.
“I sure am!” The excitement of finally meeting them contagious.
We made our way down the hallway as a group, the grandparents walking ahead of us as Josh and I brought up the rear. We got to the doorways and Jason went into Maddie’s room and I opened the door to Caroline’s. I wasn’t sure if anyone was going to follow me, but the silence as the door closed behind me let me know I was getting my time alone with my brother and his family.
Caroline was sitting up in bed, holding a small bundle in her arms. A look of pure love and contentment was unmistakable on her face. Andrew made his way around the bed and his arms wrapped around me as his large body shook with tears of joy. I hugged him back whispering how proud I was of him and how happy Mom and Dad would be.
Reaching my arms around his body, I leaned up and whispered, “Mom and Dad would be so happy for you. I’m so proud of you for finding your way back to her. Thank you for making me an aunt.” Tears fell from my eyes as we embraced.
He walked back over to the bed and gently took the sleeping baby from Caroline, a look passing between them, causing me to glance away. I didn’t want to interrupt the love I could feel from the two of them. He motioned me to come closer and he gently placed Lillian into my arms.
My heart skipped a beat at the beautiful new life that I was holding. She had Caroline’s blonde hair and when her eyes opened, she had beautiful blue eyes that I hoped would change to hazel, the same color I share with my brother… our mother’s eyes. Her tiny little lips suckled and then she settled back into a peaceful slumber.
