Page 46 of The Soul that Redeems Me
I felt a hand on my shoulder, stopping my leaving and I swung around to see Jason standing behind me.
“I’m contacting the lawyers now. If she is able to find any additional details, they can contact the feds and we can halt this madness in its tracks. With potential charges out of state, he has more than enough hurdles to jump over and we can get him to drop the appeal.” He said before leaning in and whispering, “When you find her, don’t let her go.” His eyes shining with unshed tears.
“I’m never letting her go.” I said loudly into the room as Andrew tossed me his keys with a silent nod. I returned the gesture, an unspoken truce between us.
Making record time to my apartment, I walked in and found the note she left for me on the table, along with her cell phone and my Jeep keys. At least I don’t have to drive Andrew’s car all the way down to Columbus with Jake shedding all over his seat.
Reading her letter, her thinking I didn’t trust her broke my heart. I never wanted to keep it a secret, only protect her from undue stress and anxiety before it was necessary. Knowing she has been hiding her real emotions from me helps to understand her mindset a little better.
I changed clothes and was packing an overnight bag when I heard a knock on the front door. Opening it, I found a happy Jake and my Mom with a concerned look on her face. Jake began to run through the apartment, looking for Emily before he returned to my feet and began to whine, pawing at my leg for guidance.
I leaned down and rubbed behind his ears, “We’re going to get her now, buddy. I promise you’ll have your Emily back soon.”
I explained to my Mom what had happened today, and she expressed her guilt over agreeing with Jason and I about keeping it a secret. I reassured her it was the right decision, and no one knew she and Dad knew. I would protect my parents at all cost but my love for Emily was more than anything I had ever experienced.
Knowing she was alone made my heart ache. She was looking for a sliver of a memory from years ago and she was trying to do it on her own. No way would I want her to walk into that emotional pain without me there to hold her up or let her beat her fists in anger and frustration.
I kissed my Mom on the cheek as we made our way to the parking lot and I loaded Jake into the Jeep. With a promise to call her once I found Emily, I was about to crank the vehicle when my phone pinged with a text.
E: I’m in Columbus with Aunt Lisa and I am safe. I need to do this, so… please, trust me to know what is right. I love you.
J: I do trust you. Please talk to me, let me help you.
E: I’ll call you tomorrow but this is something I need to do alone.
Now I knew exactly where I would find her. Now, to get her to listen.
I pulled up to the curb outside of Joe and Lisa’s house, let Jake out and quickly walked up to the front door, knocking before I reached down and patted Jake, trying to get him to calm down. He sensed Emily was close and he was whining and fidgety looking for her.
I raised my hand to knock again when the door opened and I was faced with a smiling Joe. “I was wondering how long it was going to take you to get here. She’s over at the park watching a baseball game. I told her to text me when it was almost over and I would walk over and escort her home. Why don’t you take Jake and go get her?”
“How is she?” hoping Joe would give me some insight into her current mood.
“She’s surviving. Take time with her. Listen to her. Ask her what she is feeling and don’t dismiss her. You guys should have given her the heads up but I understand why you didn’t. I need to tell you, she is stuck in the past right now, trying to force a memory she may never recover. Don’t allow her to push you away and don’t listen if she starts to give you reasons to leave. It’s the anger, even if she won’t admit it. Time will make it better.” A look of understanding passed over his face before he schooled his features.
I shook his hand with a promise to return soon and started walking the few blocks to the park. The lights from the ballfield illuminated the entire end of the park, making me feel calmer knowing she is surrounded by people in a well-lit area. I pause for a moment, sent Andrew a text, and concentrated on Emily. Her smile, her laugh, the beauty of her face when she allows herself to come undone. Then I remember the tiny whirlwind of power and energy in the dojo. The precision she uses in her movements, as she repeats the katas over and over, ingraining them in her memory.
Emily doesn’t need me to protect her. She just needs me to love her.
I walk up to the bleachers and I hear a familiar voice yelling for the runner to take home. She is bouncing on her feet, high up in the seats, cheering on strangers like they were her best friends. When the runner slides into home base, she is high-fiving the people around her, a smile illuminating her face.
Jake, hearing her voice, begins to bark along with the cheering crown, making me laugh at the joy of this moment. I came all the way down to find her and when I do, I expected to find a jittery, anxious, angry woman. Instead, I find her enjoying the love of baseball, in a park filled with hundred-year-old trees, and the laughter of children filtering through the air.
The cheering quiets down and Jake lets out a few more barks, causing Emily’s head to swing around until she saw us standing to the side of the metal seating. She jumped up from her seat and bounded down the stairs, jumping into my arms as I engulfed her into a hug and Jake jumped up, his tail wagging as he tried to get her full attention.
She slides down, all the way to her knees, and pulls Jake into a hug, his tail flipping back and forth as she lets a few tears fall. Pulling back, she stands up, wiping her knees off before taking me by the hand and walking away from the game. Silently we walk until we are at the playground, the empty swings calling out to be used.
“My Grandad used to take me to the park near his house when we would go to visit. He would push me on the swing until I swear, I was about to touch the sun. Hours upon hours of him pushing, every time I asked. Life was simpler then. Go outside, play, come home, sleep, and start the next day again. Now, everything’s so complicated. Muddled. I would never want to go back, but I miss when the only thing I worried about was if I would get to play outside or not.” She remarked, her first words to me since I found her at the baseball fields, her feet kicking back and forth, moving her swing higher and higher.
“My Granny would bake these amazing pies and cakes. She loved to cook for me and she was the one who started to teach me to cook. Every time I prepare a meal, I remember what she said to me, all those years ago. ‘Josh, to be able to provide someone with a hot meal is an amazing expression of love.’ I feel her with me every time I cook, still showing me love. Until I was adopted, it was the last time I really felt loved,” I replied into the darkening night.
“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at him. I’m angry that I still feel enraged about everything. I hate being like this.” Emily turned her face upward, looking into the night sky.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I should have trusted you to handle whatever it was that was happening. I wanted to protect you from him. From the painful memories.” I admitted to her, her movement slowing as she used her feet as brakes to slow her swinging.
“I don’t need protection. I need to make sure that animal pays for what he did to me. For robbing me of something precious, from believing he is above the law. I want to look him in the eyes and let him know he didn’t break me. You and Jason, hell… all of y’all, should have included me in the conversation but after talking to Aunt Lisa, I can understand why you didn’t.” she says as she turned her head toward me, unshed tears glistening in her eyes, “Do not ever keep a secret from me again, Josh.” Her hand reaching out and linking her fingers with mine.
I pulled her hand until she stood up in front of me and I swung back, pushed forward, and caught her on my lap. Her legs dangling to one side as I pumped my legs harder, pushing us up into the air. Emily’s hair as flying all around us as we swayed back and forth, Jake barking at the laughter from both of us.
