Page 28 of The Soul that Redeems Me
Iheard Jake’s happy bark from the living room so I knew Josh must have gotten home. I was cleaning my bedroom, trying to keep busy and not allow my mind to wonder. When he left this morning to go to work, I started to have an anxiety attack at being alone in the apartment, worried and angry someone might try and get inside again. Jake, sensing my distress, began to push under my arm until he and I were laid out on the couch, me rubbing his hairy belly, my worries floating away with each stroke of my hand through his fur.
“Emily, baby? Where are you?” Josh asked into the apartment.
“I’m in my room. You can come in.”
“What are you doing?” he asked, as I was folding the military corners on the bed, the smell of fresh sheets filling the room.
“I washed the sheets and ran the vacuum after I finished my last final.” I replied as I felt his hands snake around my waist, his strong front pushed into my back.
He placed a gentle kiss on my neck, causing my head to lean sideways to grant him access. The feeling of his lips nipping and kissing my neck was causing my panties to get wet, the desire increasing with each swipe of his tongue against my flesh. I felt him urging me to turn around to face him as his lips slammed into mine, his tongue breaching my mouth when I moaned from the sensation.
I pulled back, trying to catch my breath from his forceful display of affection, a smile gracing my face as he cupped my jaw and stared into my eyes. Josh was never rough or demanding of me, always giving me time to adapt to each new act and allowing me to work out my issues. I was a bundle of nerves at the thought of having sex, yet I knew that he would be gentle and never push me past what I was comfortable.
I had a small fear that if I was never able to fully give myself to him, eventually he would grow tired of me and I would be left alone with a broken heart. I had spoken my fears to Dr. Sawyer during our last session and she was helping me to deal with my anxiety issues about rejection. He had said he was okay without that aspect of a relationship but in reality, can a man be in a relationship with a woman and not have sex?
Then I begin to think, would he find someone who could give him what I can’t? Someone who is whole and unscarred? I must have allowed my negative thoughts to play out across my face. Josh placed his hand in mine and guided me to the living room to settle into the couch.
“What’s going through your mind, baby?” he asked while he stroked my hand and gave me the time to gather my thoughts.
Josh was amazing at knowing when someone was carrying a burden or their thoughts became negative. His mother’s illness was devastating on his early life and he had explained how often he had to save her from her inner demons. The kind of demons most people have and can handle without help or intervention.
His mother’s demons chased him, as well, resulting in the caring, empathetic, understanding man who was looking at me like I hung the moon.
“I was just thinking about us.”
A frown appeared and I began to think I had said something wrong.
“Thinking about us makes you sad? Why? Has something changed?’ he asked, a look of confusion crossing his face.
“No. Never. I love us and I love you. I was just thinking about things that…”
“Things that what, Emily?” he asked, a little frustration coming through his tone.
I wasn’t making any sense and I could imagine how confusing I was being toward him. I took a deep breath and decided to just rip the band-aid off.
“I’m afraid that if I can’t be with you… that way… that you would find someone who could give you what you wanted. What you needed. Someone who is whole. Someone who isn’t afraid and frustrated all the time.”
He quickly picked me up and planted me on his lap, my legs straddling his, as he looked directly into my eyes and began to speak, “Youare what I want.Youare what I need. I fell in love with you under the roof of that dusty roadhouse in Louisiana and nothing will change that. I willneverstray from you and I willneverwant another woman until the day I die. You are it for me, Emily.”
His hands came up to caress my cheeks as the tears began to fall. “You and I are were both broken and together, we became whole. I will wait forever for you.Forever. There is nothing and no one who can make me stop loving you.” He placed a gentle kiss on my lips.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know where these thoughts keep coming from. I know you love me and I hope you know how much I love you. I want to be with you, so badly.” I say as I slide up his lap and place my core over his expanding thickness. “I’m just afraid. Not of you and not ofit. I’m afraid of me.”
He looked at me for a moment before he slowly moved his hand behind my neck and brought my mouth down to his as he began to kiss and nip at my lips, demanding entry. A small thrust of his hips let me feel his full length under his dress pants, the feeling of wool under my cotton shorts adding to the growing pulse between my legs.
With shaky hands, I reached down and grabbed the hem of my t-shirt, pulling it over my head and tossing it next to us on the couch. I rocked a little against his core as his hands came up and began to stroke my heavy breasts through my bra, my hard nipples evident through the thin cotton.
The sensation growing between my legs was getting stronger so I rocked back and forth a little faster. Trying not to lose my nerve, I reached around and unhooked my bra, my breasts falling free, my nipples getting impossibly harder from the cool air.
He looked at me and softly stroked the outsides of my breasts, the heaviness increasing with each gentle touch. An audible mewl came from me as he allowed his palms to ghost over each tip, my chest pushing toward him, needing more. He began to squeeze and stroke my nipples as I continued to rock against his hard dick.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked as leaned forward and blew cool air over each breast, my need stronger than ever before.
“Please.” I said as a moan when his warm mouth enveloped my aching nipple as he massaged my heavy breast and his other hand plucked and caressed my neglected breast. Switching, he paid the same tribute to the other side and my rocking became faster, my pressure on him greater as I was seeking relief from the pulsing in between my legs.
His mouth worked up my chest, nipping behind my ear as he plucked each nipple and began to thrust up against my rocking strokes. As his lips slammed down on mine, I felt the heat begin to blossom in my core, the need to come growing with every glide of my hips. He pulled back and looked into my eyes as I came apart in his lap and he groaned, feeling him pulse under me as he reached climax.
I’m not sure why, but I wasn’t self-conscious like I was the first time we made out. It felt right sitting in his lap, my breasts bared to the apartment as I caught my breath from another amazing orgasm. I felt his hand reached up and barely move over my breast, the need for his touch rising with each brush of his hand.
