Page 13 of The Soul that Redeems Me
That wasn’t the question I was expecting first, but from what I have gotten to know about Emily, she likes to know the facts sooner rather than later. I should have told her about the proposed idea over the last few days, but I selfishly wanted some time to get to know her before she had to deal with the possibility of choosing to live alone or having me as a roommate. It was time for me to lay my heart on the line and tell Emily how I felt about her.
Taking her fidgeting hands into mine, I slowly stroked the back of each as I looked into her eyes. “Why wouldn’t I want to live with you? You’re smart, beautiful, funny, and from what I understand, probably able to kick my ass in a fight.” I joked, trying to defuse the tension.
“Please be serious for a minute, Josh. I don’t understand what is happening between us. To find out you sold your house to my brother and Caroline and want to buy an apartment in my building or even possibly be a… please… help me understand what exactly you want here. I’m not good at deciphering all this chaos and I trust you to be honest with me.” She explained as she took her hands from mine, making me ache to touch her again.
“I saw what was happening between you and Andrew, and I saw a solution to a problem that neither one of you was willing to look at. You wanted to do right by the new family, but you forget, you are Andrew’s family too. My family too.” I gently reached over and took her hands into mine again, my heart rate slowing down now that I was able to feel her touch again. “My house was too big and the money I made could be spent on an apartment in the building, something closer to work. A home closer toyou.I want to be a part of your life, Emily. However you allow it.”
“But sharing an apartment, what would that mean for us? I don’t, I’m…”
“It means that if you are comfortable, I will have one bedroom and you will have the other and there are zero expectations between us. I want to get to know you, to spend time with you, and Jake spends so much time alone. Since half of your classes are online, I thought y’all would be great company for each other when I work and travel.” I reasoned with her, hoping she would see that this is the best way for us to grow our relationship at a pace that she would set and be comfortable with.
“Can I be honest with you?” she asked, taking her hands away again and crossing them around her body like a shield. Seeing the defensive posture, I worried I may be seeing more between us than was really there.
Please don’t let her tell me she doesn’t feel the earth move every time we touch.
“Always. Just as I am with you. I never want secrets between us.”
“I like the idea of sharing an apartment with you, but I don’t think I could share an apartment with you and watch you bringing women over. It’s not something I can handle and if that is a problem for you, maybe it’s better if you buy the other unit.” She spat the words at me like I had been with another woman recently.
I could feel my eyebrows drawing together in a confused manner, trying to figure out what she meant by that statement and then reality dawned on me.Emily’s jealous.
A small laugh escaped me, and she pushed her chair back and began to rise from her seat, about to leave. I gently grabbed her wrist, conscious of the steel rod that was inside, hidden below the beautiful tattoo she displayed with pride.
“I’m not laughing at you, Emily. I just realized you are as jealous at thethoughtof someone touching me as I am about someone touching you.” Her eyes tracked to mine and I gently rubbed the scar, hidden under the ink. “I haven’t been with anyone in over a year. Months before I met you was the last date I had and if I have my way, I’ll never worry about dating again. Please, sit down so we can talk.Please!” I implored her.
She returned to her seat as the waitress brought our dinner and as we slowly began to eat, I continued. “I like you, Emily…more than you realize… and I just want to be around you. The first time I held you in my arms, I knew you were it for me. No one else could compare to the perfection I see when I look at you. I realize you have hurdles you are still trying to deal with and I’m a patient man. I will wait for you forever if you give me the chance. I am not asking to share a bed with you, or even a room. I think you need your space to adapt to the changes and sharing a room is a step I don’t think we are ready for yet.”
“So, what are we, roommates, friends?” She stressed the words like they held the meaning to life and existence.
“I would love to be able to call you my girlfriend but only when you are comfortable with that. Until then, we can be friends, roommates, and co-cuddlers to Jake.” I took her hands again, brought them to my lips and placed a gentle kiss on each. “I’ll take whatever part of yourself you are willing to give me, Emily. I will never push or demand more than you can provide. Never.”
“What if…” she collected herself and started again, “What if I can’t give you that part of me? What if I’m never able to give you that part of me?” Tears filled her eyes.
I released one of her hands and placed my hand on her face, gently caressing her, wiping away the tears that had fallen. “Then you never have to give it to me. I’ll still be here, standing beside you, loving you.” I whispered before leaning in and gently kissing her.
She put her small hand on my cheek and brought her forehead to mine, whispering so low I could barely hear her words, “I want to try, but I’m scared.”
“Are you scared of me?”
She shook her head and looked directly into my eyes, her words loud and true, “I’ve never felt safer with anyone in my life.”
Leaning back in my chair, breaking the contact we had, I smiled and kissed her hands again. “So, what do you say? Do you think this is something you want to try?”
Once again, she nodded her head, this time, her mega-watt smile shined brightly. “Let’s do it!”
Elated with the news, I stood from my chair, threw some money on the table, and took Emily’s hand in mine as I lead her out of the restaurant. I was walking fast, and she was almost jogging to keep up with my long stride.
“Josh, where are we going?” Emily asked as we finally got to my Jeep and I leaned back against it, gently pulling her small body into mine.
I hugged her, sweeping her off her feet in my cloud of happiness. “You just agreed to be mine! I think we should move my Jeep to the lot at our building and walk over to the park. I want to take my girlfriend to ride on the Ferris wheel at the park to celebrate.”
“Girlfriend? I like the way that sounds.” She stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss me. I had to lean down so she and I could connect, but the moment her lips touched mine I knew this was the right decision. Emily and I were meant to be together, and today was the first small step toward our forever.
I kept the kiss simple and sweet, not wanting anyone to see Emily in a compromising position. I pulled her into another quick hug, then shifted so I could open the passenger’s door and make sure she was buckled into the Jeep before I went around and let myself in. The drive back to our apartment took about ten minutes and I kept looking over at her with a silly smile on my face as we inched slowly with traffic, the couple of blocks back home.
Home.
After securing the car, we walked hand in hand toward Centennial Park, weaving through the crowds of tourists and locals who were enjoying the park on a beautiful fall evening. I made sure to keep a tight grip on Emily’s hand as we made our way to the Ferris wheel and I paid for our tickets.
