Page 49 of The Hand That Holds Me
“What friend? No one knows I’m here except Josh and Caroline.” She asked with confusion all over her beautiful face. I wanted to grab her and kiss her but I would settle for holding her hand until she instigated more. I could tell she was scared of talking to me and I needed her to stay calm and listen.
“Caroline called me last night and told me to call Josh. We talked for quite a while after you went to bed and he encouraged me to drive down so we could work everything out.”
She pulled her hand from me, wrapping her arms around her like a shield, protecting herself from me. I immediately felt the loss of her touch and the cold began to creep back into me. I could not survive without her in my life.
“So, you turned Josh against me too with your lies? Thank you, Lucas, for talking everyone away from me. You win.”
I tried to reach out for her again but she took a step back, breaking my heart at the despair on her face.
“I’ve never tried to take anyone from you, Maddie. On the contrary. I was trying to make your life better by bringing your father into your life. It was never my intention to hurt you but I know that’s what I did. I should have been honest with you during our lunch meeting but I was so enthralled by you, I was afraid to tell you that I knew Jason. I was afraid you would walk away and I would be left without your beauty in my life. Please, can I tell you everything? Will you listen while I try and explain the entire situation to you?”
She shifted from one foot to the other, her hand shading her eyes from the bright sun, deciding if I was worth listening to. Some decision was made inside her head as she nodded and went to sit under her umbrella.
She opened a small cooler and offered me a bottle of water as I sat down in the cool shade next to her. The desire to pull her into my arms was overwhelming but I willed myself to start talking.
“When I was fifteen, as you know, my father died and I began to rebel more than I already was. My mother was at the end of her rope trying to recover from losing dad and raising my younger brother and sister so she reached out to my dad’s best friend, Jason Merrick, to see if he could help. I always got along with Jason when he we visited with him so I was okay with getting out of California and starting over in Georgia. I figured he would let me live the free bachelor lifestyle I assumed he led and there would be little to no parental figure around. I was so stupid and pig-headed back then.” I looked at her and she nodded her headed to acknowledge she heard me but never turned her head to look at me. She kept her hands in her lap and her face looking out at the crashing waves in front of us.
I continued “When I got to Georgia, I learned the hard way that Jason was no pushover. I tried to break curfew, I stole his liquor, smoked weed. All the stupid things a teenage boy does to gain attention and feel like a man.” Shrugging my shoulders and pushing ahead. “He quickly laid down the law and I slowly began to listen to the man who I would grow to respect as one of the best people I have ever met.”
She scoffed at the statement but still said nothing, her eyes still scanning the horizon.
“He put me into a good school and I worked with tutors to get my grades in-line with where they should have been, ensuring a good college placement and a successful future. He even got me into boxing to work out my aggressions. During this time, we talked a lot. About everything but his past personal life. Jason was and is very private about his personal life and who he allows inside of it. For good reason, too. One night, close to the end of my senior year, I got home from a dance at school to find Jason drunk in the den. This was alarming because I had never seen Jason have more than one drink. He called me into the study and showed me a picture of a beautiful young woman holding a little girl with blue eyes. He began to tell me the story of his one true live, Sara, and the daughter he had to deny to protect.”
Her head whipped around to me and the tears were flowing from her eyes, sparkling like diamonds as they fell from her face. I longed to wipe her tears away but I knew that more would replace them as I kept telling the story, so I refrained from touching her and pushed through.
“I made a vow to myself that night, after hearing a story of heartbreak and lost love, that I would find his daughter and reunite the two of them. I looked for myself for about a year but I didn’t have any luck locating you. With your legal adoption, the records became sealed and you were effectively hidden from him. I gave up looking for a few years when I started with MSJ Media and decided that I would try again once my new job settled down. Fast forward to three years ago when I hired a private investigator to start looking for you. He dug through a lot of records but was finally able to make some connections through social media that looked promising. A few months ago, he called to let me know he had found you. After all those years, I was going to be able to repay Jason for everything he had done for me. I was going to be able to give him his daughter.” I smiled a weak smile at her, hoping she would finally speak.
“I took one look at the picture they had sent me along with their findings and I was smitten. Jason and I sat down on your birthday and I showed him everything I had learned about you. He was eager to meet you and tell you all the secrets that he had been forced to keep all those years. I urged him to wait for a while. The reports I had showed you were less than enthusiastic about meeting him and I was afraid you would reject him before you gave him a chance.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you knew him before now?” she asked in a small voice.
“The night I met you in the bar was pure fate, Maddie. You have to believe that. I had just left a meeting with Jason and saw you walk in. I wanted to be able to talk to you without the preamble of meeting your father and rehashing secrets. I, selfishly, wanted to spend time with you. To get to know you on a personal level. I figured I had worked you up to larger than life in my own head so that was my chance to get over you. The sparks that jumped between us when I kissed your hand let me know there was more to us than a simple infatuation on my part. There was a real connection between us. Please tell me you felt it too.”
“I felt it. I still feel it. But I don’t understand how you could have led me on this while time, never telling me you were so personally connected to Jason.”
“When I saw your picture for the first time, my heart leapt out of my chest and flew to you. It was yours before I ever met you. Jason and I had worked on some job offers for you. I… he… wanted you to have your choice of careers, and looking at your past achievements, we designed the skeletal framework for the literacy program and hoped you would accept the offer. I wanted you to be a part of the company so you could be close to me and he wanted you to be able to live your passion without fear of the future.”
“So, the job offer was a set-up? You manipulated me to get what you wanted. Both of you? How can I trust you going forward when it seems like our past is built on a foundation of lies?”
“The job offers were legitimate and still yours if you want it. The literacy program is a great idea, Maddie. And it belongs to you. Every decision, every connection, every brilliant idea is yours. I think you have the perfect idea to marry business and private sectors to enrich the community. The program is so far beyond what anyone could have expected and you have even officially launched it yet. You should be proud of what you have achieved already. This program is revolutionary and you will be able to help so many people. If you still want to, that is.”
“I want to, but I’m still confused.”
“I can understand that. It’s a lot to take in but I promise, I never lied about my feelings for you. I love you Maddie and I just want what’s best for you. I just want you happy. Even if that means letting you go.” I choked out the last part, feeling the false words fall from my mouth. I would never walk away from Maddie.
“I don’t want you to let me go but I don’t know where we go from here. How do I know what you are telling me is the truth and not another lie to get me to do what you want?”
“I brought somethings from Jason for you. He is eager to meet you and tell his side of the story. I really hope you will give him the chance to talk to you. He loves you so much. You both deserve to have each other in your lives. I will never get in the way of your family again. I promise. I will tell you everything you want to know, just please, don’t shut me out. Don’t shut Jason out.” I practically begged her. I wasn’t used to being soft with women, but I finally understood what being a man was all about.
A man is willing to show his strengths and his weaknesses to those he loves. It is okay for a man to be vulnerable around people, to allow them to see his feelings, and not be afraid they will see him as lesser. A man shows his heart and expresses his love.
She reached over and linked her hand with mine, causing my heart to skip a beat. Her reaching for me meant she was at least willing to think about forgiving me. We sat in silence for a while, watching the waves crest on the shore only to be pulled back out to sea. It was the same ebb and flow I felt from her. She wanted to keep her walls up but they were already crumbling to dust around her.
She laid her head on my shoulder and snuggled into my body causing a shock of energy to overtake my body. I was getting hard, being this close to her and not being able to touch her the way I wanted to was driving me crazy. I needed to give her more time to come to grips with the truths I have given her before she will be willing to share her body with me again. I will wait as long as it takes because she is worth it.
“Do you want to head to the house? Its getting hot out here and I could use a cold drink,” she asked as she stood and began to wipe the sand off of her curvy body. The time she had been in the sun today had kissed her body and face enough to make her blue eyes almost glow in the bright sunlight.
“I would love to. Do we need to grab your stuff?” I wanted to get back to the house so we could be alone and was willing to carry everything if it meant we could be there now.
