Page 42 of The Hand That Holds Me
Do I know who is in there?
Why are they talking about me?
What don’t I know?
“She has just begun to open her mind up to the reality of the past. She just recently started asking questions about everything. Now isn’t the time to go and confuse her by trying to explain things to her. She needs to come to terms with everything before we tell her the rest.” Lucas said with anger and in his voice.
“But your part of the plan is right on course, isn’t is Lucas? You are, what, sleeping with her? Dating her? Does she even know the real you? Does she know about your past?”
“Don’t talk about her like that. She knows what she needs to, for now. One day I will tell her everything but now is not that time.” Pure rage poured from him.
“When will be the right time, Lucas? When you have gotten everything you want and I am still estranged from her? Why are you keeping this information from Maddie? Why are you keeping her from me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you wrote Sara letters, Jason! How could you not tell me that before I went looking for Maddie? I had to get Lisa and Joe to bring Sara journals to her and even then, I wasn’t aware you communicated with Sara. Why did you keep them secret from me?”
“No one was ever supposed to know Sara and I kept in contact. We did it to protect Maddie.”
I felt like I was going to be sick. I had to lean against the wall and use my hand to stop the sob threatening to erupt from my throat. Lucas knew Jason. Lucas manipulated me for his and Jason’s personal gain. Aunt Lisa and Uncle Joe were in on it too. Was Caroline a part of it? Why would my family betray me? Everything he said to me was a lie. My world was spinning apart right before my eyes and I felt sick about not seeing the truth sooner.
How can I trust anything he has said time if this entire time he has been working with my father? To what ends? Why tell me he loved me if his end game was to…I don’t even know. Hurt me? Use me?
The rest of their conversation drifted into white noise as I stumbled into my office and grabbed my purse. I made sure to leave my ID and company credit card on my desk on top of the signed contracts and additional sponsorship I had just secured.
How could he do this to me? He used me, allowed me to build and design something I could be proud of, something I was passionate about. And none of it was real. His words, his touch, his love were all betrayals.
I walked quietly past Lucas’s office and moved quickly to the elevator. I wouldn’t break down inside the building. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I passed Carol’s desk, avoiding her eyes. I hoped she couldn’t tell I was moments from an emotional tsunami.
I’d opened my heart to a man who had no intention of ever loving me. Every touch, every kiss, every whispered word of love was a lie. The steel and concrete wall around my heart was taller and thicker than it had ever been. I had been right to avoid the trappings of love.
I punched the button over and over, willing the doors to open before Lucas andmy fathercome out of the office.
Carol, witnessing my impending breakdown, came around the desk to check on me. “Are you okay Maddie? You look a little pale. Can I get Lucas to help?”
“I’m fine Carol. Please don’t interrupt Lucas in his meeting.” the last part coming on a broken sob. “I don’t feel so well and I’m going to head home to get some rest. Don’t let Lucas know I was here, I don’t want him to worry about me.”
“If you are sure? I hope you get to feeling better.”
The doors opened and I walked in, giving Carol a small wave. This was last I would see of the sweet woman who mothered the entire office and made me feel like I was part of a family.
Family.
The first tears threatened to fell but I was wiping under my eyes, trying to keep them at bay until I made it to my car. I needed to get as far away from Lucas as I could, but I knew he would come looking once he realized his lies had been exposed.
I drove through the lunchtime traffic, weeping slightly but determined to get home before I allowed the real tears to come. I needed to pack and get out before anyone realized I was aware of their deceit and tried to stop me.
I should have never trusted Lucas. I allowed his pretty words and handsome appearance to get past my defenses. He used my past and my family to twist himself into my life, never meaning any of the lies he whispered into my ears.
I am so stupid. He was the one to bring up my family and it was his suggestion to look into my father. He used me the entire time. He told me he loved me. I opened my heart and body to him. A mistake I would never make again.
When I arrived home, I fell through the door onto my knees as I wailed into the floor, the click of the door letting me know I was alone with my pain. The tears flowed and I did nothing to stop them, allowing them to wash away the raw torment of having my heart ripped apart. Time stood still as I purged all of my misery. Each tear represented a moment unfulfilled, a future untold, a love lost.
I cried for what felt like hours before I was able to drag myself off the floor. I’m glad Caroline was working an early shift today, as I planned to be gone soon. I didn’t know who was involved in this giant lie that my life had suddenly become. Aunt Lisa and Uncle Joe were definitely involved, but was Caroline also? Did my best friend allow my heart to get broken on purpose?
No, I can’t believe she had anything to do with this.
Today started out with old heartbreak and secrets. If I had any idea how it would end up, I would have never changed my schedule. I would have stayed at home.
I made my way into my bedroom and changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Grabbing my suitcase from the closet, I began to pack my clothes and bathroom items as quickly as I could. I wanted to be on the road as soon as possible but I didn’t know where to go thatmy familywouldn’t look for me.
