Page 20 of The Hand That Holds Me
As I began to look over the approved list, I got more and more anxious. Clothes, shoes, all work meals, and transportation were only some of the approved expenses. “Clothes and shoes make no sense. I can afford those on my own. Transportation can be covered by train and Uber and meals should only be if it is a work meeting. There are too many vague areas that will allow for theft, not that I would, but I think we need to rethink this credit card situation until we can narrow the list down to absolute necessities.” I expressed, as I slid the card back to him.
“Whatever you think is best, but all senior staff have the same perks in their contracts.” Lucas pronounces as he walked around the desk toward me.
“I never want to take money for myself that can go toward those unrepresented in society” I breathed, trying to keep my eyes on his face and not his amazing body, currently stalking toward me.
He reached me and held one hand out toward mine. I took hold of his hand and stood from my chair, mere inches separating our bodies.
He reached up, tucked a brown curl behind my ear, and slowly cupped my face. I leaned into the comfort and warmth I could feel flowing from him into me and let a small sigh escape.
He was giving me the strength to face challenges and a promise to be there for me through it all. How did I get so lucky to have someone like him interested in someone like me? I was so comfortable with him that I was starting to rethink the whole “fate and chance” thing.
“l don’t want you to stress about this. You will find a way to make this program your own and I want you to know something.” He moved in so there is no space separating us. “I will be here every step of the way. Right beside you, giving you whatever you need. I am enthralled by you Maddie. I hope you know that”
“I know but…” was all I got out before the softest lips I have ever felt gently brushed mine. Fireworks exploded inside of me. My heart soared as I reached out and ran my hands up his sculpted chest, linking them around his neck, deepening the kiss. His hard body felt right pressed up against mine.
We were lost in the soft embrace when his office phone rang, snapping us out of the haze of lust we were currently swimming in.
He gently released me from his embrace and I immediately felt the cold seep in. He took one step back, then another, until he was behind his desk and I was forced to drop into the chair I had been in. That man had just completely knocked me off my axis and I hadn’t been here an hour.
The look on his face told me he was just as affected by the kiss as I was. I just hope I didn’t just cost myself this job.
The doubts began to creep in and I tried to keep my face neutral as he spoke on the phone. He must think I am cheap and easy for allowing him to kiss me on my first day of work.Stupid!
Is this something he did with all new ladies within the company? Was I just another notch on his belt?
I guess I didn’t hide my worry as well as I’d hoped. Lucas hung as up in the middle of speaking and rounded the desk as soon as he saw my face fall. Crouching down in front of me, he took my wringing hands into his own and placed a chaste kiss on both.
“I don’t know what happened in that brilliant brain of yours, but I need you to talk to me, Maddie. I’d hoped that we were on the same page wherewewere concerned, but something tells me you are having doubts.”
“Am I just another notch to you?” I blurted out. Realizing I said it aloud, I buried my face in my hands, willing myself not to cry.
“Am I just another notch to you?”
The words swirled around us like toxic smoke, threatening to overtake us both. I would not allow her toeverthink she was anything but perfect in my eyes. I had never loved a woman before, but I felt like I could finally breathe when I found her, not realizing I’d been so alone or what I missed.
She had her face covered by her hands, so I knew she was embarrassed by her question. She had no reason to be embarrassed. I wanted her to be honest with her feelings about me and I needed her to love me like I loved her, or I may lose her when Jason reentered the picture.
That was my biggest fear: that she would think everything we’d shared was a set up when it was actually fate that led me to the bar that night. Chance and preparation took care of the rest.
“Maddie, please look at me.” I urged her, using the calmest and most loving voice I could.
She shook her head and I heard a sniffle that let me know how upset she really was. I never wanted to be the reason for her tears. I wanted it to be my life’s mission to make her smile.
I gently took her hands and placed them in her lap and using one finger under her chin, I raised her face so she would look at me.
It took a moment for her to let her eyes shift to mine, and it was then I hoped to convey my true feelings for her. I needed her to know how much I love her.
“You are so far away from a notch on a bedpost, that I can’t find the right words to express the truth to you. But please, let me try.”
She nodded her head and let out the breath she was holding.
“The first time I saw you, my world tilted on its axis. Colors were brighter. I was happier and I knew it was all because of you. We hardly spoke that night at the bar, but it was enough to let me know that you were it for me. Then your resume landed on my desk and you were perfect for the new position in the company. It was fate telling me we were meant to be together. Please tell me you feel the same way,” I implored. “Tell me you think about me as much as I think about you. That, after years of meaningless connections, there is someone right in front of me that makes me feel complete. We have spoken on the phone more in the past week than I have with another woman in the past few years. I want to know everything about you. What scares you? What excites you? What can’t you live without? I want to be that someone that you can’t live without.”
I laid my heart on the line and if there was ever anything that had made me this nervous, I can’t remember what it was. The next couple of minutes could make or breakusand I needed her by my side.
“I feel the same way” she whispered on an exhale, but her eyes were full of fear.
“Thank God!” I rushed out as I grabbed her face and pulled her into a crushing kiss. This one much more intense than our first and my heart soared with love.
