Page 92 of Rough Ride with the Grumpy Cowboy
My mind wanders, and I find myself back at the ranch, in Zane’s arms as I play this same tune for him, lying back on his chest as we watch the stars. That was such a wonderful night, and theoutdoor sex—incredible. We almost got caught by the guards on patrol, but that made it all the more thrilling.
I didn’t even get to play him the song I wrote in memory of Lilly. Will I ever get to play it for him? It’s been a little over a week since I left, and I didn’t realize that it was going to be this hard being away from them.
I am miserable as it is, and all I want to do is run back to Iron Stallion. But I can’t do that. I left to keep Zane safe, but that problem is sorted now with my family behind bars. Now I’m staying away because I’m too much of a coward to face any of them ever again, considering the way I left. I should have spoken up, said something, but it’s too late now to be regretting.
My fingers pause on the strings, and I splay my palm over my stomach. My little pebble is getting bigger day by day, and Zane is missing all of it. The stress of keeping this secret is getting to me, and I am back to sleeping horribly and having nightmares. I keep dreaming of my mother stealing my baby and Estevan helping her. I can’t take the sleeping pills because I’m pregnant, so I’m going to have to power through such horrible nights. Or get my natural remedy—Zane’s arms—and that’s impossible, so suffering it is.
A soft tap on my shoulder has me opening my eyes to find Lou smiling gently at me.
“Are you ready?” she asks, taking the guitar away.
I sit up straighter, give myself a moment to adjust so I don’t get dizzy before getting to my feet. “Yes,” I nod with as big a smile as I can muster.
Lou gets one look at me, and her face turns sour. “Who approved that? Did wardrobe give that to you? Take it off!” she demands, tugging at the shirt I’m wearing over my outfit.
“No,” I decline, pulling it tighter around me.
“It clashes with your outfit,” she reasons.
“Then change the outfit,” I retort.
She pauses to get another look, her eyes widening in recognition. “Is this another one of his shirts?”
I nod and smile, bringing it up to my nose to inhale his scent. I’ve been wearing a lot of Zane’s clothes, the ones I managed to bring with me, and they have been of huge comfort to me. I’m about to go on stage, and I need some of that, so I’m wearing his shirt.
“Noa, if you miss him that much, call him,” Lou demands, and she waves someone from wardrobe over.
That is not going to happen. I’ve yet to turn on my phone for fear of what I’ll be met with if I do. I’ll never turn it on—I’m too scared.
Lou and the lady in charge of wardrobe discuss for a minute before they pick another outfit that matches the shirt.
“Happy now?” I ask Lou.
“Yes, this is much better,” she nods approvingly.
Next step is getting the tech guys to put a mic on me, and we are good to go.
“Ella has been calling again,” Lou informs me as we test out the sound.
“What did she say?” I inquire, feeling guilty that my best friend has to go through all this to get in contact with me just because I’m too much of a coward to switch on my phone.
“Just checking in on you and demanding to talk to you. Please call the girl, Noa—she’s worried enough,” Lou insists.
As if I don’t already know that.
“I’ll call her after the show,” I relent, deciding that one phone call won’t hurt.
I’m also curious as to how Zane is doing. I hope he is faring better than I am.
Calling Ella will be a bit frightening, but it’ll be the first step into maybe trying to bridge the gap I’ve put between us.
“Are you nervous?” Lou asks as we leave my trailer headed for the stage.
“I’m okay, Lou. Stop fretting.”
“I can’t help it—I feel like you’re a ticking time bomb that could explode at any moment.”
I stop walking and she bumps into me. She’s a bit shorter than me, so I lean down to put us at eye level. “Lou, I’m okay. I’m good at keeping my professional and private life separate, so I’ll give an awesome performance out there. You don’t have to worry about that,” I assure her.
