Page 39 of When You Least Expect It
“What in the hell are you doing?”I squawked.
Instead of answering me, the crazed woman lit a match, then said, “Friends of fire, and friends of hell, beckon to this horrid smell.Destroy the empire that he built, let him suffer with his guilt.From earth’s own salt, and sulfur’s smell, with your own evil, you shall dwell.With evil thoughts and vicious tongues, I will undo what you have done-”
This crazy bitch was placing a hex on me.
“Yeah, no,” I said, interrupting her.“You’re not hexing me today, woman.”
“You can’t stop me,” she hissed.“I have other gifts available to me without your presence.”
I scowled as I placed my hands on my hips.“What happened to loving thy neighbor?What happened to living purely to be closer to God?Because I have news for you, Louise; I’m pretty sure that God doesn’t approve of hexing innocent people.”
“You’re not innocent, Calista Glenn,” she fired back.“In fact, I bet that you’re letting Myer Justus do all kinds of unholy things to you.”
Oh, lady, how I wished.
“As a matter of fact, he’s next,” she threatened, but I wasn’t sure what she was threatening.
“Next for what?’
“You’re not the only one who is going to have to suffer under the dark cloud of revenge,” she said, and holy fucking shit, this woman was nuts.“I have something very special for him.”
While she and this conversation were completely absurd, I just couldn’t help myself.“Wait, why does he get a special curse?I’ve been your neighbor a lot longer, Louise.I mean, why am I getting just a regular curse?”
She paused in her tirade long enough to answer, which surprised the hell out of me.“Well, Jury feels like Myer is the one standing in your way.He feels as if you can still be saved.”
“Then why the hell are you putting a hex on me?”
“Because you don’t get to insult the man that I love without consequence,” she huffed.
“Oh, Sweet Baby Jesus,” I muttered.
Louise gasped.“Do not dare take the Lord’s name in vain with me, you...youheathen.”
Okay, despite how entertaining this was, it was time to end this nonsense.“Louise, I’m going to say this only once, but you need to leave and never come back.If you ever send me another fruit basket or knock on my front door again, I will call the police, report my suspicions about your so-called prayer group, and I will file a public order of protection against you all, letting the entire world know just what you and Jury Patton are up to.Do I make myself clear?”
The woman hissed at me.
Actually hissed at me.
“I will bind you,” she threatened.“I will bind you from ever causing us any harm.”
“You’re a fruit loop, and you really should see a doctor for it,” I said before shutting the door, thankful that Harvey had stayed on the couch and away from Louise’s hex-wielding ways.
