Page 26 of Chasing Chase London: Part 8-Valentines Day
But I nod, because she needs someone in her corner, and she’s on the outs with Daria and Elaine and Chase. Daria doesn’t have anyone either, but I can’t spend my extra time consoling her the next day because Lindsey needs me more. I walk in with Lindsey, trying to determine who knows and who is still our friend.
Everyone knows. Everyone’s talking about the breakup of the golden couple. Friends flock to surround Lindsey like they did when she lost her cousin—maybe more. They all tell her she’s better off, and they’re sorry, though they don’t know what went down. Even in her pain, Lindsey is too much of a lady to tell them what Elaine did.
Isabel follows Elaine around with a look of worship in her big doe eyes, so she’s obviously chosen a side. Elaine looks unfazed by the whole thing. She breezes down the hall looking superior like usual.
After getting Lindsey to class, I rush back to talk to Daria, so she knows I’m still her friend too. That means I’m late for class, but my live friends are more important than whatever old dead guys we’re going to be learning about today.
Before lunch, I hurry to meet Lindsey and walk to the cafeteria with her. Daria gives me a wounded look when we walk by her, and Lindsey turns her face the other way.
I feel torn in two, but what am I supposed to do?
I mouth, “Sorry,” at Daria over Lindsey’s shoulder and hope she’ll understand.
Lindsey takes my arm, and I can feel her frail body shaking, like it might turn to dust and blow away if I don’t hold on tightly enough. We make our way to our usual table, and I help her sit down.
The moment Chase sees us, he leaves the table, throwing his uneaten lunch away before walking out.
Lindsey lets out a despairing whimper beside me.
Katy starts cooing and patting her arm on our other side, and I hate myself for being relieved that someone is there to share the burden. I deserve to carry it all on my own and then some, after all I’ve done.
Elaine and Colin sit down at the other popular table, but they’re close enough that I can hear Elaine giggling as she throws grapes across the table to Colin. Daria bolts up from the other end of the table and runs out. I start to rise, but Lindsey grabs my arm.
“Don’t leave me,” she blubbers.
I reluctantly sink back down, feeling horrible about choosing sides but not sure how to avoid it.
When I get to English the next day, Chase is sitting with another group across the room instead of with us. A weight slams into me, as if I’ve been punched in the sternum.
Once when I was skating, I fell on a rail, and all my weight landed in the middle of my chest. I bounced off and hit my head on a concrete step. That’s what it feels like when I catch Chase’s eye and he turns his face the other way. Like all the air is knocked out of me, and my head is spinning, too stunned to fully comprehend the pain.
But what did I expect? I made Lindsey dump him. That’s how he sees it, anyway. I don’t blame him for not wantinganything to do with me, but that doesn’t ease the ache crushing my lungs.
The one positive is that Daria is in that class, so I can distract myself with easing her pain, so I don’t have to feel mine.
The rest of the week is the same. As soon as Lindsey and I get to the lunch table, Chase storms out, Daria usually not far behind. Chase pretends I don’t exist in our classes together and in the hall. Lindsey absorbs every moment of my spare time. She’s so fragile I don’t know how she’ll survive without Chase. I escort her to most of her classes, hold her arm when she goes into the cafeteria. If she sees Chase, she says she’ll faint if I’m not there to give her strength. I’m pretty sure she’s exaggerating, but she feels as frail as an eighty-year-old woman. Her bones are so fine it’s like holding a baby bird.
When I joined the group, everything seemed so perfect. Chase and Lindsey were the perfect golden couple. Daria was her loud, vivacious self. Everyone was friends; everyone giggled together at sleepovers and went to crazy parties together. Chase flirted with everyone and was always smiling.
Now everyone is falling apart. Lindsey and Daria are both miserable but not speaking to each other. The perfect couple broke up. Chase isn’t talking to me. Daria talks to me in class but stares at me with forlorn betrayal when I’m with Lindsey the rest of the day.
No one is talking to Elaine, and yet somehow, she seems to be the only one unchanged. Actually, she might be happier than ever. She has her boyfriend at college, and the new boy everyone wants here, and his little sister for a pet.
Everyone else has the broken pieces of what they used to be.
After school on Friday, I see Chase, Todd, and Oliver walking down the hall together. I can hardly stand it that Chase doesn’t look at me and wink, or say something to make meblush. My heart is beating like a snare drum, aching for him to acknowledge me or even give me a dirty look when they walk past.
None of them even glance my way, though, and my heart shrinks inside me. I’m invisible again. I only exist in the world if Chase London decides I should.
nine
Now Playing:
“Two Hearts Breaking”–Jewel
After school, Lindsey wants me to come over, so I trudge across the lot toward her car when I’m done reeling from Chase’s dismissal. I’m almost there when I spot Nate unlocking a little black Porsche, Oliver a step behind. He catches me looking and gives the slightest nod, then turns and says something to Nate before tossing his bag in the back and jogging over.
I watch him warily.
