Page 3 of Claiming Ours
Hard pass.
“Right. Well, thank you.” Sliding off the stool, I put some distance between Charles and me before waving to Kale. Hopefully, he knew I was bolting because Charles creeped me out and not him. “Thank you again, and I hope you have a great night.”
“Good luck on the trail,” Kale called out as I turned for the exit. “And don’t forget your bear spray.”
My lips curled upward at the thoughtful concern for my safety. “Already packed and ready to go.”
“Satellite phone?” he asked before I take another step, worry etched on his tight features.
“I—”
“Let her leave,” Charles commented with a forced chuckle. “A beautiful woman like yourself shouldn’t be walking around alone. How about I walk you back to your cabin?” He took a step toward me before I could respond, but I held up a hand, stopping him in his tracks.
Hell to the fucking no. My gut told me I’d either end up a skin suit or as his caged pet if I let him.
“No, thank you. Hank is waiting for me back at the cabin.” I arched a brow, not understanding the flicker of anger that flashed over Charles’s now-pinched features at the mention of Hank. “Good night.”
Turning, I hurried out of the room, feeling eyes following me until I turned the corner. Once outside the glass doors, I inhaled a deep breath of the crisp air through my nose and slowly released it, hoping it would make my frustration fade. Shaking out both trembling hands, I tucked them into my jacket pockets and started toward the cabin. Even though it was darker than it was on my walk to the bar, I didn’t feel anxious, my thoughts on the conversation with Kale before Charles ruined the moment.
Now ifhehad offered to escort me back to my cabin, I would’ve jumped at the chance. Then jumpedhimthe second the door closed behind us.
Hank wouldn’t have minded me inviting the stranger inside, though he was normally suspicious of outsiders. As my fierce protector and best friend, the purebred husky was a little possessive and aggressive if he felt I was in danger or threatened. Exactly what I needed as a single woman living in Portland and going out on the trail solo.
Pouting at the missed opportunity for a last-minute hookup, I ran a hand through my loose hair. Whatever; it was fine. I needed a good night’s sleep before heading out in the morning anyway. No time for an all-night sexfest with the hottiebartender. This would be my last night in an actual bed for almost two weeks, and I needed to soak up the luxury while I had it.
Tomorrow, the epic adventure I’d planned and saved for years for would begin.
Hopefully, it would be everything I’d dreamed about. But how could it not? I’d be out in nature, exploring all this beautiful state offered, with my best friend at my side.
What was the worst that could happen?
1
BAYLEE
The soles of my trail runners pounded against the hard earth, bits of moss and dust flinging up in my wake. Knowing the turnaround point was just up ahead, I gritted my teeth, pushing my legs to move faster. The ground shifted to sand, then smooth pebbles as I neared the lake’s edge, skidding to a stop right before my next step would’ve been in the clear water.
Breaths sawing in and out, I pitched forward, slapping both hands on top of my knees while fighting against the tremble in my thighs that threatened to send me crumpling to the ground. Though my body was beyond the point of exhaustion, my nagging thoughts and memories made me want to keep pushing. I’d do anything in my never-ending attempts to stay one step ahead of the memories that chased me day and night, eager to hold me captive until I was a sobbing mess, unable to see the beauty around me or the point of living when the person I’d planned my entire future around was gone.
All too familiar grief wrapped its icy, unforgiving tendrils around my lungs and squeezed, making it almost impossible to take a full breath. Shaking my head to keep those happy andhorrible memories at bay, I bent forward, the tip of my ponytail tickling along my jaw, to grab a smooth stone. Brushing my thumb over the speckled surface, I curled my fingers around it before launching it as hard as I could into the lake, releasing an anguished scream that echoed through the surrounding trees.
Gasping, I observed the ripples, transfixed that the effects of something so small radiated through the large body of water. It reminded me of the impact of Dean’s death, insignificant to many but life-altering to those who knew and loved him.
And fuck if I didn’t love him.
Tears welled in my lower lids, making my vision watery.
From the moment I saw him in geometry, surrounded by his friends, laughing so loud and free, I knew he was the one for me. And he was, until that future we planned was ripped away from me, and his life from him.
“I miss you, Dean,” I whispered to the cloudy sky. “Fuck, I miss you so damn much. Sometimes it’s like I can’t breathe.” Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes, dripping down my round cheeks. “I’m trying to keep going, but it’s just not what we planned. You’re supposed to be here with me, making me smile and laugh like only you could.” Swiping away the evidence of my soul-destroying grief, I blew out a shaky breath. “Tell me, give me a sign that you’re still out there somewhere looking out for me. And are okay with me moving on.” I chewed on my lower lip. “Because sometimes I think I’m ready, but then it feels like I’m cheating on you, on us, and on what we had.”
That was the unforgiving internal battle I fought daily—being okay with the feelings and desires growing for a certain cowboy in our small community. The guilt that ate me alive after a great date or alone time with Liam made me wonder if attempting to move on from Dean was really worth it.
My mind knew it was. I couldn’t stay alone and sad forever. If I were honest with myself, I knew Dean would want me to moveon. He’d want me to live a full life. But try telling my heart that. The heart that was so deeply in love with the man who was there one day and gone the next.
His pictures and a folded flag were the only physical things I had left of him.
A slight vibration on my wrist had me glancing down and grimacing at both the time and Liam’s name flashing on the screen. Once again, I let the morning get away from me, losing all sense of time, lost in my thoughts and memories. Doing that out here was a danger, not including the hell I’d no doubt get from Liam for going out on my own. With the disappearances and murders happening along the Soul Trail, I technically wasn’t supposed to come out here on my own. But I needed these moments of silence, the time utterly alone with my grief. It was my therapy in a way, though maybe the fact that I still struggled daily meant it wasn’t working as well as I wanted to believe.
