Page 105 of His To Unravel
I smile, brushing hair away from his forehead. “Rest. I’m not going anywhere.”
He lets out a hum of contentment as I turn my gaze to the window, the city lights twinkling in the distance. The unanswered questions in my mind don’t fade, but I let them rest. Christmas is only days away, and I have a feeling there is still so much more to uncover.
TWENTY-NINE
nathaniel
The December airnips at my skin, though I barely register the cold. Olivia has my full attention as she clings to my arm, her steps tentative on the ice beneath us. Her laugh, light and full of unrestrained wonder, echoes across the Wollman Rink, threading through the chatter of others gliding by. She was eager to try ice skating for the first time and her enthusiasm makes my heart swell.
Her cheeks are flushed from the cold, her breath visible in soft puffs as she looks up at me, her expression a mix of nervousness and excitement. “Don’t let go,” she whispers, her fingers gripping my sleeve tighter as I guide her across the rink.
“Never,” I reply solemnly.
I mean that in every possible way. I want to be the one she holds onto whenever she feels unsteady, the one who gives her moments like these—new, joyful,hers. I want to be the one she leans on forever.
She holds to me with both hands, each shaky step bringing her closer, until there’s barely any space between us. I relish the warmth that radiates from her, even through layers of clothing, and the way her trust in me feels absolute in this moment.
Eventually, her movements grow more confident, her smile broader. She lets go with one hand, though her other remains firmly in mine. I don’t push her to let go entirely. I like the feel of her hand in mine too much, the way it tethers me to something real and good.
Later, we stroll through Central Park, each of us holding a steaming cup of hot chocolate. Olivia’s gloved hand is snug in mine. She looks radiant, her emerald eyes glittering, auburn hair tucked under a white beanie with a giant pom-pom that bobs adorably as she moves. A soft smile plays on her lips, one that makes me feel like I’m walking in a dream I never want to wake up from.
I tighten my grip without meaning to, and she glances up at me. “You okay?” she asks gently.
“Better than okay,” I reply, my words carrying a meaning I’m not sure she can understand.
She turns her gaze back to the path ahead, sipping her hot chocolate, but I can’t stop watching her. Her beauty is amplified by the simple pleasure of this moment. She doesn’t need extravagant settings or designer dresses to captivate me. She just exists, and it’s enough to make me want to drop to my knees in devotion.
As we walk, my mind drifts. The past two days have been heavier than I anticipated. Being around my family and the carefully curated facade of civility has taken a lot out of me. This day with Olivia, away from all of it, is a much-needed reprieve.
But I worry I have overestimated myself in bringing her to New York. I couldn’t bear the thought of her spending winter break away from me. But now? The cracks are showing. I can feel the careful image I’ve curated start to splinter. The past is clawing at me, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep it at bay.
The alternative, though, is even worse.
Weeks without her.
Weeks with her back in Massachusetts, far from my reach.What if she realized that life without me is easier, that I’m not worth the trouble? What if she met someone else, or worse, reconnected with someone from her past?
My mind churns at the possibilities, each one more unthinkable than the last.Over my dead body.She’s where she needs to be—right here, with me.
But what if Olivia sees too much? What if I unravel completely in front of her? She has become my lifeline, and if I lose her…I will surely cease to exist. Now that I’ve experienced what it’s like to have her, how could I survive without her?
My grip on her hand tightens again, this time intentionally. I won’t let her slip away. She’s too vital to me. Without her, the darkness will swallow me whole.
“Am I walking too fast?” Olivia asks, pulling me from my thoughts. Her concerned gaze meets mine.
“No,” I say quickly, forcing a small smile. “You’re perfect.”
Before she can reply, the vibration of my phone interrupts the peace. I pull it from my pocket, the screen lighting up with a name I instantly dread.
Suppressing a sigh, I turn away from Olivia and answer. “Father.”
“Nathaniel,” his tone is measured, calm, the kind of voice that commands respect. “Your mother misses you.”
“I saw her yesterday,” I reply evenly.
“You hardly come around anymore, even when you’re back in New York,” he continues, his voice softening, though not enough to hide the weight of his words. “The only time I see you is at the office, which is rare now that you’re back at school.”
I don’t respond. I have nothing to offer him that won’t feel like a performance.
