Page 9 of Rocking the Receiver
He retreats closer to the wall and extends his hand in front of him. “Don’t!”
I halt, my right side to the bathroom door now. “Fine, but I’m not sorry. This was an appetizer. You owe me one, remember?”
He shakes his head vehemently. “Stop it, Elliot!” he hisses between gritted teeth. “You caught me off guard and I… This can’t be… It was a mistake. I’m?—”
With one hand in my pocket to readjust myself, I counter, “You know as well as I do that it wasn’t. You wanted this as much as I did.”
“It was a mistake,” he repeats without denying his desire. “You’re akid, Elliot. I’m not a predator.” Funny that he doesn’t claim that, on top of that, he has a girlfriend.
“No, you’re not… no more than I am a kid. I’ll be eighteen in six months. I’ll break it down for you: You have my full consent, if that wasn’t obvious enough already.”
“What the hell don’t you get? No, Elliot,” he snaps before lowering his icy voice to keep this between us. “I’llbreak it down foryou: No means no. Are you out of your fucking mind? I’m not after your consent, moron. You’re Tim’s little brother… You’re… you’re…” He makes a big production with his arms and stutters, “You’re not legal! Ohhh, fuck, what have I done?” His eyes are as big as saucers, fixated on me while he rubs his buzz cut. I decipher anger, disappointment, and despair. “You’re a kid. Don’t take it lightly, Elliot. No, just no. Period!” He’s a babblingmess. Boy, does he look pissed! I can’t help but grin, though. He did return the kiss and didn’t say that he’s not into me. That’s a start, right? “You don’t have my consent. Got it? And your brother would kill me if he ever found out.” Is that what he’s afraid of? That he’d be outed? That Tim would find out? That it’d ruin their precious friendship?
The back of my neck stiffens while the front heats and, no doubt, is covered in patches of redness that betray my annoyance.
A sigh escapes his swollen lips. “Listen, this—” he points at us alternatively “—never happened. So… all I can offer you is friendship. Take it or leave it.”
I’ll be legal in a few months. He’s coming back next summer. We’ll be living in the same country soon. I extend my hand for him to shake like he did on the first day. Why not seal a temporary deal?
“Take it.”
SECOND QUARTER
- The Punt -
CHAPTER 6
SPEAK LOW
Rupert
“Damn, I needed this…”I murmur to myself. I’d missed Manhattan’s fast pace. Nashville’s fun, but being surrounded by my fellow band members can be exhausting at times. They’re all so hyper, focused, and… straight.
Coming back from France, I was none of those things.
Being gay was never a choice, and my wonderful mother accepted that as soon as I had the courage to come out to her at fourteen. But here I am, over ten years later, struggling to fully open up to some of my closest friends and reveal the real me, or all of me that I shouldn’t aim to hide. The engagement party weekend didn’t come at the ideal time during my hectic summer schedule, but sharing the moment with Tim took priority. Seeing him again was awesome, only the trip unexpectedly stirred conflicting emotions that had nothing to do with nostalgia from being back at his house.
To get my life back in order and clear my head, I had to revisit the basics.
Thank goodness, I attended a couple of Nathan Price’s seminars on the art of breathing a few years ago. I’m well-aware that some people consider meditation and breathing techniques to be bullshit, but they changed my life!
I don’t practice as often as I probably should. Mastering the art requires determination and consistency. Trust me, the encounter with Elliot, which should have been a non-event, put this ritual back on the table after I fled. I literally fled the awkward temptation. It took a few more days to forgive myself for caving to his… assault because, truth be told, the selfish, batshit crazy asshole is charming. And I hate him for it, almost as much as I hate myself for having these thoughts. For sure, I hadn’t seen this one coming!
Hence, my phone is on airplane mode, my bedroom door is closed, and the blinds are half-down to block the brutal September sun; I’ll enjoy this beautiful day later. The spot by the window suits me as I, too, slowly drift into airplane mode.
Quiet. Collected. Peaceful.
Sitting on a cushion that elevates my hips and keeps my back straight and comfortable, I cross my legs and rest my hands on my knees. Eyes screwed shut, I take a moment to feel where my body meets the cushion and floor. Deep breaths through my nose make my belly expand, and I hold them before releasing the air through my mouth, focusing on the sensation when it enters and leaves my body. My mind is centered on the importance of each breath, and when it wanders, I gently redirect it to my breathing. I keep going for several minutes longer, gradually acknowledging the sounds and sensations around me. Refreshed, I slowly open my eyes, taking a moment to register that I found my balance and can move on with the day.
With Sally running errands all morning, it turned out to be somewhat uneventful. I worked on a couple of songs until Tim texted me to inform me that I’ll be his best man. (Shocker!) The rapid exchange mentioned that I’ll be receiving a formal wedding invitation by snail mail in a few days… and he threatened to kick the living daylights out of me if I bailed on him since he chose his wedding date around my obligations. I guess I’ll be back at the Lefevre’s after all.
Next July.
***
“Of course, you should text him.” My shoulder bumps Sally’s playfully. By now, she knows that I don’t speak in riddles. Talking about Nathan Price puts color in her cheeks. It’s adorable. “I’m shocked that you haven’t already. Weren’t you the one to insist that there’s more to him than his looks… which, by the way, is exactly what I said about you when we met in London years ago!”
Eyes trained on the task at hand, I tighten my hold on one of my beloved Japanese knives and slice the beet, cucumber, and mushrooms. Gathering the ingredients from the wooden cutting board, I toss them with everything else to finish up our lunch salad, then add various herbs to enhance the flavor.
