Page 10 of Rocking the Receiver
I proudly acquired this Nakiri as my twenty-second birthday present on my first visit to Masamoto Sohonten when a bunch of models from my agency were invited to attend Tokyo Fashion Week. Talk about a change of scenery and lifestyle compared to my pitiful British childhood!
Glancing at my beautiful Canadian roommate, I swiftly rinse my beloved Nakiri and step aside so that she can rinse the last ripetomato. She juts her chin towards the cutting board. She heaves a contented sigh. What’s going on in that troubled mind of hers? Is she considering giving Nathan—my meditation guru, as Sally referred to him—a chance to breach her walls?
I resume my position, enjoying the knife’s precision. Slicing, dicing, and mincing has always been my job. “You’re staring,” I falsely complain.
Two friends, both carrying enough baggage to recognize the hurt in each other’s eyes the moment that they bumped into each other outside of the Natural History Museum in South Kensington. In the blink of an eye, we were inseparable—in a platonic way—and became each other’s anchor. Our dating charade started soon after. She swore to shield my sexual orientation from the public eye while I helped her to heal from previous toxic relationships. But now, things are rapidly evolving with Nathan. From the way she’s been talking about him, I can tell that she’s been smitten for weeks. Good for her! I may not know Nathan very well, but from my experience, he is a decent and respectful guy.
Maybe it’s time to?—
I stop short, wondering if I should go there and contemplate the thought of?—
Nope. Nope. Nope.
I should make sure she’s comfortable with the idea first. Swallowing my sudden unease, I ponder the question that’s bouncing inside my equally messed-up head:Am I okay with ending our arrangement?
“Yup!” A hint of amusement touches her well-defined lips. “You know how I get when your fingers are at work.” Her usinginnuendos is such a rare occurrence that I can’t help but tease her. I always give her my full attention when we broach a potentially sensitive subject, so first, I put the Nakiri away, add some red pepper to the giant bowl, and plate the Indian-spiced chicken breasts. We discuss how she recently became more relaxed when talking about sex, although her libido’s been frozen for a while, and I’m the only one privy to that story. I hint that Nathan Price might have a certain influence on its revival. Soon enough, I engulf her in a warm hug; she mostly sets the pace as far as PDA is concerned, and it’s generally reserved for when we have an audience. She’s such a brave fighter! I’m so proud of her. I’m so ashamed of myself. I’m so conflicted about our relationship.
I cough slightly. “It’s not like you need my permission to give him a try.”
She worries her lower lip with her front teeth and eventually admits, “I kind of feel like I do.”Fuck! What have I done?To stay closeted, I keep her locked in some kind of twisted scenario and convinced myself it was beneficial for her. The very sharable and very straight Nathan might be the key to her freedom, but she has to discover that for herself. Yes, I’m ashamed of my selfish self. This talk is much more serious than anticipated. “I know we’re not a couple and all, but I love you nonetheless…. And we have this… agreement.”
“I’m well-aware of that, but don’t stay stuck in thisagreementon my account.” I speak my mind. “Sometimes, I feel like I’ve trapped you in something that’s stopping you from moving on with your life.” I tilt my head and peck her cheek. “Sally, I’m not blind. I saw the sparks between you guys. You’re ready to move on, and if you need my blessing, you have it. I mean, I’m thankful for ouragreementwhile it lasted, but looking back, itwas utterly selfish of me; I apologize for that. Keeping fans and journalists at bay has been great. It’s nobody’s business that I enjoy sucking cock more than you do.” The second the words leave my mouth, I purse my lips, my eyes widening. “I’m sorry, I got carried away at the thought of blowing Price, which isn’t in the cards for me.”
The corner of my mouth quirks up because blowing will definitely happen tonight. I got a PM on one of my hookup apps during my meditation session. Utterly relaxed, I didn’t even pay attention that my phone had remained on airplane mode, so it took hours before I confirmed that we were on for tonight. At least, he sounds willing and eager. So, there’s that.
As for Sally, she feels the need to reassure me. “It’s fine, Rupert. We’re way past that, aren’t we? It’s not your fault sex has been off the table for me for years. You didn’t trap me. Our agreement was a mutual win-win situation. If anything, you helped me recover from the…” She trails off, and I redirect the conversation towards Price, the possibility of trusting him, building her confidence, and receiving countless earth-shattering orgasms in return.
“I should take my own advice…” I blurt aloud. Thoughtful, I shake my head. “Nah, I have plenty of orgasms. Thank heavens, willing candidates are queuing up. Making sure they don’t run in country music circles is the trick! Anyway, enough about me…” Moments later, my gaze zooms in on her, and I choose my words carefully to talk some sense into her. “I love you with all my heart, but we belong together as friends; Nathan should know that. I’ll always be there for you, but we can’t continue this charade. You are ready to move on, and I should have seen it earlier. This isn’t healthy for either of us anymore.” My brow spikes up.
She frowns. “What do we do now?”
Reading the rising panic in her expressive blue eyes, I shoot her a reassuring smile and kiss her forehead before suggesting in a quizzical tone. “Take chances?”
With that, she nods in approval, then asks me to accompany her to Nathan’s art show tonight. I point out that I assumed she’d go on her own, even though he also invited me, but she feels more comfortable with me by her side.
She kisses my cheek and walks to the dining room to set the table where we eat lunch moments later while listening to some Brit pop. Thankfully, she recognized early on that I can tolerate nearly anything but The Beatles. I share details of my trip to France, saving Elliot’s reunion for the end when I’m saved by the bell in more ways than one since I do not fancy the bitter beverage she makes and dares to call coffee.
“Hello?” I inquire, already leaving the table when I realize that I didn’t check the caller ID for once.
“Bonjour, mon ami.”
For a second, I mistake the masculine voice for Tim’s. I halt in the middle of the hallway. It’s warmer. It’s deeper. It’s Elliot!
My heart skips a beat. Catching my breath, I breathe in and out, reaping the benefits of this morning’s session. Serene, I quickly recover my sanity, head towards my room, and close the door behind me. As expected, I start pacing. “Bonjour, Elliot.” I switch to English to avoid making a fool of myself, contemplating asking if it isn’t past his bedtime, but why be snappy with a friend, right? Still, given how we parted ways, I wouldn’t have contacted him, friendship or not.
As if reading my mind about making small talk, he cuts to the chase. “I have your sunglasses. You forgot them at the caféthatday.” That day… when I lowered my guard down and overstepped boundaries. My throat constricts. “You there?”
Am I imagining the amusement in his tone?
“Yeah, sorry,kiddo—” I say, reminding us both that he’s Tim’s much younger brother. Off-limits. “It’s okay, I have extras.” Blatant lie. Truth be told, I do need anew pairto deal with this kid, for sure. Nothing to do with sunglasses, though. “I’ll get them back next year.”
It’s about time I obtained the upper hand in this friendship. The tone of his clipped reply betrays that calling him that struck a nerve, especially when he hangs up on me after muttering an angry,
“Fine!”
CHAPTER 7
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