Page 41 of This or That
As if on cue, the live music is replaced by familiar tunes with a Halloween vibe. My body hums with anticipation, although my eyes remain trained on my friends.
I feel him. I sense him. I smell him. Goosebumps spread across my skin, and I shiver. His essence enthralls my entire being and I nearly combust when his knuckles brush the small of my back.What is this man doing to me?
I tilt my head and meet Troy’s hungry eyes. The air thickens, as does my semi. My heart skips a beat when he stands so close that I ache to touch him, but my antsy fingers refrain. Lust builds in my balls, my black pants suddenly too tight.
His entire demeanor is a mix of hyper from his performance and laid-back from the aftermath. He catches his breath as my best friend—portraying Steve TrevorsansWonder Woman—compliments the artist, along with Claire and Drake who are portraying the perfect couple that they aren’t—Bonnie with purple dreadlocks and a heavily tattooed Clyde—while Anna is nowhere to be seen.
Staring at Troy’s forest green T-shirt with a hashtagged word, Stella exclaims, “Great shirt, Mister DJ!” She gasps. “Thanks for the hints, Mike.” She plants a quick kiss on my cheek. “Check it out!” She shakes Simon’s arm and points her index finger my way. “Netflix.” Then in Troy’s direction. “Chill… Oh my God!” She puts her empty glass down on the bar to clap her hands together excitedly. “Netflix. Chill…” She pauses, giving our audience time to register the implications. “Awesome costume!” She peers sideways at Simon.
Sighing, I prefer to set things straight… so to speak! Like I felt the need to do the last time that my friend Lisa and I FaceTimed; to say that her unwavering support startled me is an understatement.
I address Stella and my friends, but only have eyes for Troy. “Guys, let me properly introduce you to Troy.” I slip my hand into his. “The man that I love.”
His face flushes and his eyes pop out of their sockets at my public declaration. Tightening his grip on my hand, his question comes out ragged. “You do?”
About to steal a toe-curling kiss from him, I realize that, sometimes, words do speak louder than actions. So I lean into him and whisper, grazing his earlobe,
“Definitely.”
Epilogue – You & Me
Troy
A YEAR LATER
“Let’s do this!” Resolve fills my brave man’s voice as one of his hands palms the car key fob. Throughout the drive from Greenwich Village to Boston, he’s been oscillating between apprehension and relief. The way his jaw ticked. The way his smile widened. The way his body stiffened…
“You know what?” My abrupt question stops him in his tracks. He turns my way, his penetrating gaze taking my breath away. I scratch the back of my head, then place my hands on my thighs to focus on the moment rather than my need to fuck him senseless. My craving for Mike Clayton isn’t about to subside, but I’ve learned to behave in public places. “You probably should go in by yourself. Test the waters, you know.”
His mouth parts, and I give him time to say his piece, but he remains muted. Instead, he kills the engine of his BMW. The cool atmosphere that Pearl Jam offers lingers;Soldier of Love. How fitting for today’s reunion! We’ve learned to appreciate various genres. One step at a time. How we approach anything that happens to arise. Hand in hand. Like discriminatory insults and unsolicited comments from strangers. Head on. Like his dad’s stroke that granted a new perspective for all of us, his father included.
“What?” His tone is suddenly clipped. His breathing falters, and I shiver as I notice the lines that appear on his forehead. His green eyes darken with what I decipher as anger. At once, the air shifts.Damn, he really can get riled up over nothing!“The whole point of this Boston trip was for my father to meet the person I love, for real. Because, as Harry Burns would say in my mother’s favorite movie,When Harry Met Sally: ‘I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night!’”
“I wearcologne, not perfume, and I don’t get a crinkle above my—”
He grunts, gesturing for me to shut up. “That’s not the point, Troy Hunter! Focus, God dammit!”
“Okay, okay! I get it, you love smelling myperfumebecause you’re a creeper!” Feigning a joke so that he’ll simmer down, I realize that I’ve failed miserably with his next words.
“I can’t believe I forgot to tell my mom about quitting my designer job when we saw her yesterday. I know she’ll support me as long as I’m happy, especially since we’re building a life together, and I can always draw and design as a hobby. Plus, she knows that I don’t take decisions like this lightly. I wish I remembered. Ugh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ramble.” His fingers run through his unruly hair that’s so soft to the touch, and I itch to reach for him. Luckily, he’s too bogged down by his frustration to notice, but unfortunately continues his rant… This isn’t how I’d envisioned this going! “I would’ve introduced you to my dad a year ago if it hadn’t been for his sudden trip to the ER.” He grips the wheel until his knuckles turn white.
“Baby, I know that.” As I’m well aware of how Mr. Clayton’s months of physical therapy took a toll on his son’s mental health. Guilt. Remorse. Secrets. “This year hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park and put a lot of stress on you.” I lean his way and my lips brush his forehead. “I love you.”
Due to his condition, you postponed the decision to come out to your father, and that’s okay. I also know that waiting for the evasive right moment has eaten you alive.
His dad’s forced relocation added distance to an already strained relationship. His dad’s dreary pursuit of a slightly less challenging career to enable him to go back to work depressed him. His dad’s ominous insistence that we not visit until he was fully recovered wounded his son.
“Mike, chill! I’m on your side, here.” My hand covers his, sending warmth. Comfort. Tenderness. It’s insane how much this man has come to mean to me in so little time. Well, it’s been over a year since I finally said the words. Since he finally uttered the words. Since our words finally reflected our actions.
He lets out a pained sigh and glares at the dark green door across the street. A door that will hopefully open up a new opportunity between father and son. “I’m sorry. I figured we’d go in together as a couple because that’s what we are.”
“Listen, you remember how you didn’t want to flaunt your sexual orientation to your friends?” I cock my head to the side. He nods, his eyes losing their focus as he thinks back to Matteo’s Halloween party. His edible mouth curls upward dreamily. “It’s no different. Since when are we interested in making a statement?”
“Mmm… Since never.”
“My point exactly. That’s not who we are, and that’s not about to change. Your father knows you have someone that matters in your life.”
“It’s more than that, Troy. Iloveyou. He needs to know that.”
