Page 83 of Ignited Spirits
My heart pangs watching her with her normal, functional family.
With a mother like Lua, there wasn’t much light or fun or happiness in our household. There was never a mom to take care of me when I was sick, to hold me when I was hurting, or to give me the motherly love all of us need, regardless of which realm we’re from.
Instead, Lua constantly told Hades and me how worthless, unlovable, and useless we were, along with intermittently trying to kill us.
I thought I had moved past all the grief and pain from those times. Everything that just happened in the council building with Izzy is bringing up those same feelings of never being good enough and being unwanted.
Gritting my teeth, I shove those down because I refuse to make any of this about me. Izzy’s right to be mad at me or hate me or never want to see me again because I did fail her. I didn’t protect her, and that makes me a failure of a mate.
If she can see past my inaction, I will spend the rest of my days making it up to her and proving to her that she made the right choice.
Although, I don’t have high hopes of that being the case. Shoving the thoughts and memories out of my mind, I try to focus on the here and now.
My gaze bounces around the room and lands on Rhys, the only Gallagher not chatting and laughing. He has his back turned to his family and his hands braced on one of the wooden cabinets along the wall. The mage’s head hangs down, but his hair obscures his face so I can’t make out his expression. I don’t need to see it to know that he’s feeling the same devastation me and Izzy’s other mates are feeling.
Izzy shoots her older brother worried glances but doesn’t try to talk to him right now, respecting his privacy. When her gaze clashes with mine, however, she extracts herself from her family and walks over to me.
She bites her lip and watches me nervously. “Can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?”
I close my eyes and debate refusing. I don’t know what she wants to talk about, but I can take a guess. I’d rather avoid the conversation, but I will give my mate anything she wants. Reluctantly opening my eyes, I nod. “Yes.”
Giving me a half smile, she waits for me to stand up before walking out of the room. I follow her, even though I know nothing good is going to come from this.
CHAPTER 28
IZZY
Idon’t know what’s going on with Levi, but he looked like a kicked puppy when I asked if I could speak to him alone. It made my heart hurt seeing him so vulnerable and defeated.
It’s clear something that happened in Giles’s office rattled him, and I’m trying not to feel like he sees me differently after learning what happened. But he was the only one not to give me a hug or tell me he still loves me.
It’s hard not to feel like he’s disgusted with me, but I won’t know until I ask him.
After we’ve been walking for a moment, I realize I have no clue where I’m going. “Is there somewhere private we could talk?”
Levi’s dazed expression clears at my voice, but it takes him a few seconds to process what I’m asking. “Yes. You can follow me.”
He expertly leads us through the labyrinth of hallways until we come to a closed plain black door. Pushing it open, Levi goes into the space first, his head on a swivel as he makes sure no one is lying in wait to murder us.
I would say he’s paranoid, but with the amount of people that want to kill me, he’s really not.
Bracing his arms on one of the three narrow windows that illuminates the cozy space, he stares off outside for a moment. “What did you want to talk about?” he asks, without turning back around to face me.
I trace my gaze over his tense shoulders, the way his biceps strain his black tee, and the black and gray tattoos that wind down his arms, memorizing them in case this is the last time I get to look at him while he’s mine. “I understand if you don’t want me anymore.”
He spins around so fast that I’m surprised he doesn’t fall over. His brows are sky-high, and his expression is lined with shock. “What?”
“You’ve seemed upset and distant since you learned what happened. I get if you do blame me or are grossed out knowing other guys touched me or whatever else.” As much as I try to sound unbothered, the hitch of my voice kind of gives me away. I understand him not wanting me, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t destroy me if that’s the case.
He growls and advances on me. I back up until my back brushes the smooth obsidian of the walls. Molding his front to mine, he slams his forearms against the hard rock next to my head, caging me in.
“Let’s get one thing straight,” he snarls. “There has never been a moment of time that I haven’t wanted you with everything I am, Isabel. There hasn’t been a single moment when I’ve thought any of this is your fault. There hasn’t been an instant that I’ve been ‘grossed out’ or any other negative emotion toward you because of this or anything else.”
“Then why have you been distant?” I ask in a small voice, vulnerability peeking through despite my best efforts to hide it.
He closes his eyes and leans his forehead on mine for a moment. When he opens them again, he pins me with a look so full of despair and self-hatred it makes my breath catch in my throat. “Because I am at least partially responsible for what happened. I understand ifyoudon’t want me and can’t forgive me for my inaction.”
I gape at him. “What are you talking about?”
