Page 19 of It Started with a Kiss
Thank you God.
What the hell was I playing at?
After placing a kiss on her nose, I stepped from the shower and wrapped a towel round my waist. ‘I’ll go and make us that drink now.’
It was clear that she could sense a change in me when she switched the water off, grabbed a towel, and covered herself quickly. She simply nodded and looked away. Taking that as my cue to leave, I grabbed another towel and rubbed it through my hair as I walked, collecting my clothes on the way out of the bathroom. I could almost hear my dad’s voice in my head telling me I was a disgrace; that I had just proved his worst thoughts about me. ‘She’s the total antithesis of Elise, Finlay, what were you thinking?’ I shook my head to try and rid his scowling face from my imagination. What did his opinion matter anyway?
Once I had dressed and boiled the kettle, Star appeared, fully clothed again, in the kitchen doorway. I handed her a cup of tea and gulped down my coffee too quickly, burning the roof of my mouth. My eyes watered as I rubbed my tongue over the sore patch of skin.
I could feel her eyes on me, and when I looked up, she winced. ‘Are you okay? That had to hurt.’
Heat rose in my face and I nodded. ‘Yeah. That’ll teach me for being too eager.’
She placed her mug down and smiled weakly. ‘Look... I think I should go.’
Unsure of how to react, I focused on my coffee cup.Ask for her number, you idiot. Say something. Anything! Don’t you dare let your dad’s ideals ruin this too! He’s not even here!
Scratching my head with my free hand, I simply replied, ‘Yeah... yeah okay. Um, anyway thanks for...’ As soon as the words of gratitude fell from my mouth, I cringed and glanced up at her.
Her eyes widened and the flush of colour drained from her cheeks. ‘For what? My services? Jeez. Way to let a girl down easy.’ She followed this with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes and then stopped making eye contact with me.
My heart leapt at what I had somehow inadvertently, and unintentionally, insinuated. I placed my mug down and turned to fully face her. I raised my hands in a defensive manner. ‘No. It’s not like that. I wasn’t going to say... I mean, I didn’t even think...’
She sighed and her lips turned up in another less than convincing show of positivity. ‘It’s fine. Guess I’ll see you around. Or... or not. Whatever.’ She shrugged and shook her head, and I closed my eyes as I lowered mine.
Say something for Pete’s sake, Hunter, you arsehole.
Knowing I really wasn’t in a fit state to start anything serious—a realisation that I should’ve reached the night before, I know—I lifted my chin once again.‘It was really great, Star. You seem like a really nice girl. I just… What happened last night wasn’t... I shouldn’t really... Oh, shit. What I mean is...’ WhatdidI mean? Did I actually evenknow? I doubted that very much. Why was I not asking for her number? Had my father wheedled his way into my brain so badly that I couldn’t even contemplate a relationship with someone who didn’t fit his idea ofappropriate? Star and I had connected on many levels—not just the physical. But here I was, sabotaging any chance I had of this thing ever going any further.
I wasn’t sure if the disappointment on her face was down to the fact that I was clearly blowing her off or down to the words I’d chosen. ‘You seem like a really nice girl’ was kind of condescending, and she still made attempts to hide her ire. She was a better person than I, that one thing was certain.
Shaking her head she snorted a forced laugh. ‘Oh myGod. You’ll be saying ‘It’s not you, it’s me’next. Or ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’.’ Her mocking tone caused my insides to twinge with guilt. She rolled her eyes and kept the strained grin in place. ‘Please stop, okay? Stop before it gets to that. We owe each other nothing. Okay, we had sex.Twice. And it was great. And FYI,Idon’t usually do that either. But you seemed sweet, and I liked you, and I thought we clicked. Guess I was wrong and it was justsex.’ She shrugged. ‘But I can live with that. I’m a big girl, Fin. See you around.’
Feeling more than a little ashamed, I dropped my gaze to the ring of coffee on the counter top as her footsteps carried her away from me, and I flinched as she slammed the door behind her.
10
Star
An overwhelming sense of humiliation and hurt tugged at my insides and my eyes began to sting.Don’t cry, you moron. Don’t you dare cry.What an idiot I’d been. I really thought there was a chance he and I would see each other again. I wouldn’t have slept with him so readily if I thought he would treat me like this. Clearly, my magnet for attracting douchebags was still in full force. I can’t explain why it felt different with him but it just...did.
And the sex.
Oh. My. God.
I hadneverfelt like that before. The way he took charge of my body and put my pleasure first was something I had never experienced. But I liked it. And I wanted more. What a shame he didn’t feel the same. But then again, I’d probably appeared easy, sleeping with him right away, and so I couldn’t blame him, really. I mean, what the hell did I expect?
I cringed as his words replayed in my mind. ‘You seem like a nice girl.’ Patronising shithead. I’m awoman. And the speech I’d given him. Shit, he’d probably think he’d had a narrow escape from some promiscuous lunatic. Why in the hell did I have to say ‘I thought we’d clicked’?Stupid ass.
As I stomped the pavement away from his apartment, I heard footsteps behind me. It was early morning and my stomach lurched. Without looking back to confirm that I was being followed, I picked up my pace and almost broke into a run, but I heard Fin call out to me.
‘Star! Star, wait!’ His accent and the way my name dripped from his tongue melted my insides, and as much as I wanted to tell him to get lost, I stopped—against my better judgement—and turned to face him. He jogged up to me, panting. ‘You... you left your phone.’ He held the misplaced item out to me and I made a grab for it. ‘Look... that... that didn’t go quite how I’d planned. Aww, sod it... if the truth be told, I hadn’t plannedanything. I just, I’m a mess right now. You don’t deserve to be dragged down with me. I meant what I said about you seeming nice and... I don’t want to hurt you. If this goes any further, I just know I will.’
I snorted in that unladylike manner I’d apparently adopted. ‘I’m anadult, Fin. You didn’t take advantage of me. Your conscience should be clear. And Iama nice person. But I guess you’ll just have to take my word on that.’ I turned away and he grabbed my arm, swinging me back to face him again.
‘Star, if I’d met you before, this would’ve been—’
I yanked my arm from his grip. ‘Don’t flatter yourself. I just felt sorry for you.’Liar. I plastered on a fake-ass, snide smile. ‘I have a thing for a pair of sad blue eyes. Like I said, you can walk away with a clear conscience.’ My voice betrayed me with a wobble and I looked away to avoid his penetrating gaze. I began to walk and willed him to follow. Willed him to prove me wrong—that he wasn’t just another douchebag. Sadly, his feet stayed planted firmly where he had come to a stop and after what I’d just said I couldn’t really blame him.
