Page 50 of Wishing Under a Starlit Skye
‘Jackie got pregnant so quick that I didn’t really have a chance to change my mind. Not that I would have. Not when I’d committed. That’s not who I am. Sophie was born five years ago. I’ve never met her. I couldn’t bring myself to when it came down to it. They understood, thankfully. And they sent photos of her as a baby. She was a cute wee thing. A mop of dark waves, just like Jackie… and just like me.’ His chin trembled. ‘Turns out the truth was, it was hard to know that there was a child out there with my DNA but that I wasn’t directly involved. They named me on the birth certificate, with my permission. And I didn’t say I’d never meet her. I just couldn’t do it back then.’
There was a distinct note of regret to his voice and general demeanour, and a cold shiver travelled Caitlin’s spine. Was the child deceased? Was that what he had just discovered? She couldn’t imagine the pain that he would be in if that was the case. She had to fight the urge to rush upstairs and hug Grace. The thought of being without her daughter made panic set in, her chest ached, and her eyes began to sting. As she waited for him to continue, she watched the pain etched on his face and wanted to reach out to him, to hold him and help that pain to dissipate, but she needed to wait. He had come to her for a reason, and she had to respect him telling her at his own pace.
He huffed. ‘Wow, I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect to get emotional.’ His voice wavered as he spoke.
Her own throat tightened, and she reached out and squeezed his arm. ‘Don’t apologise. It’s absolutely fine. Take your time.’
He nodded and took a deep breath. ‘After Sophie was born, she was given Jackie’s surname. Kris had taken Fraser as her surname, too, so I suppose it was the natural thing to do. I received a couple of family Christmas cards. Photos of Sophie on the front dressed in wee Christmas outfits. It was lovely that they included me, but I found it hard. And to be honest, after the experience I’d had with my own dad, I figured she was probably better off without knowing me. I wasn’t sure if I’d end up like him. An abusive, acerbic arsehole. Maybe these things are hereditary, I don’t know.’
‘Archie, you could never be like that. You’re a lovely person. Kind, considerate… Don’t put yourself down or compare yourself to that man. You’re nothing like him.’
He shrugged. ‘I sincerely hope not but… Apparently he wasn’t an arsehole before I came along. Anyway… I didn’t get a card for the third Christmas. I heard nothing. It was weird but also kind of a relief. That sounds so shitty but…’ He sighed deeply. ‘I received a letter from Jackie in the new year. Kris had left her and gone back to Germany where she was from.’ He clenched his jaw. ‘She’d decided she didn’t want a child after all. It was all too much for her. She wanted her old life back. Can you believe that?’ Anger oozed from his very being as he spoke. ‘That poor bairn didn’t deserve that. I offered to step in, to help. Even if it was only financially, but Jackie refused. Said Sophie wasn’t my responsibility and that it wouldn’t be fair to expect that of me. But I didn’t mind. I just didn’t want Sophie to go through life feeling unwanted like I had.’
Caitlin wanted to reassure him. ‘See, you’re nothing like your dad, Archie. You do care.’
He went on, ‘I started to send money, even though Jackie insisted I didn’t. Eventually she accepted it and started a college fund for Sophie. She said that one day, when she was old enough to fully understand, she’d tell her who I was. I wasn’t prepared for how excited that made me. But I was fair giddy at the prospect of meeting her someday.’ His lip trembled again. ‘I was waiting for that moment, but we lost touch again. I got the feeling Jackie felt like she’d made promises she couldn’t keep. I know technically I had rights, with my name being on the birth certificate, but Sophie wasn’t mine. Not really. And Jackie was dealing with a lot. She was quite poorly as it turns out. Then her mother had a stroke, and her dad wasn’t in the picture. When I found out, I offered to help again, but Jackie assured me everything was okay. That Sophie was fine. But now—’
Caitlin’s heart lurched in her chest, and she brought her hands up to her face. ‘Oh, Archie, what’s happened? Is Sophie okay? Please tell me she’s okay,’ she pleaded.
‘Aye, she’s fine. But Jackie…’ He began to sob. His shoulders shuddered and he lowered his head, letting tears fall and hit the oak planks beneath his feet.
Caitlin scooted across the sofa and embraced him. ‘I’m so sorry, I’m so, so, sorry.’
He rested his head on her shoulder and let all of his anguish pour out. ‘I should have stayed in touch. I should have helped more. But Jackie had an undiagnosed heart defect. She died a couple of weeks ago.’
Caitlin’s throat restricted and her eyes stung. ‘Poor Sophie. How awful. That poor little girl.’ She stroked Archie’s hair as he clung to her. ‘Will Kris come back to the UK for her?’
Archie straightened and wiped the tears from his face with his hand. ‘No. That’s the saddest part. Jackie’s mum found a letter with the will. It contained my details and said I should be contacted in case of her death. I was shocked and I asked about Kris but… Kris doesn’t want to take Sophie. She’s moved on apparently, has another partner now, a whole new life that a child wouldn’t really fit into. She travels a lot for work and says it wouldn’t be fair. And Jackie’s mum is too ill to take her in. But the thing is, Caitlin, Jackie named me as the one who should be legal guardian. Jackie’s mum said if I don’t take her, it’s likely she will have to go into foster care.’ Horror filled his wide-eyed expression. ‘I can’t let that happen. The poor kid doesn’t deserve to lose everyone she’s ever loved and to go into care. I have to do something. I have to… I have to take her.’
18
Caitlin gasped on hearing Archie’s words. ‘Archie, that’s a huge responsibility. She’s five years old and you’ve never had children. Are you sure you want to do that? I think perhaps you need time to process all this. Please don’t let yourself be pressured into a situation you didn’t—’
Archie stood and paced the room. ‘What else can I do? She’s my daughter when all’s said and done. I can’t see her go into care when I have a perfectly good, stable home here. I know absolutely nothing about kids, that’s true. But I’ll learn. I’ll have to.’ He stopped and turned to face Caitlin. ‘And what’s more… I want to.’
Caitlin’s heart leapt. She could see in his eyes that his decision was already made and, in that moment, she had so many mixed emotions fighting for release that she just hugged him.
‘Am I crazy?’ he mumbled into her hair as he clung to her.
‘Completely,’ she replied with a laugh. ‘But I can’t tell you how much I admire you for the decision you’ve reached. I just want you to be sure you’re not being pressured that’s all. Parenthood is a lifelong responsibility. And when you agreed to your part in this you didn’t really sign up for that element of the journey. But having said that, I wouldn’t be without Grace regardless of how difficult parenthood can be.’
He pulled away from her and locked his gaze on hers. ‘Will you help me?’
She smiled and nodded. ‘Of course. In any way I can.’
His eyes glistened with emotion once again. ‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’ The sincerity in his dark, chocolate-brown eyes made her heart squeeze and for a moment she couldn’t look away.
He swallowed and opened his mouth as if to speak, but then stepped away and rubbed his hands over his face. ‘Well, I wasn’t expecting this when I woke up this morning.’
‘No, it’s certainly not an everyday occurrence. So, what’s the next step?’
He dropped onto the sofa again and took another gulp from his glass. ‘I think I need to speak to my solicitor. As I said, I’m named on the birth certificate, and Sophie was born in Scotland after 2006 so, according to the internet, I should have parental responsibility. Add to that the fact that Jackie named me in her will, I suppose it should be fairly straightforward, in theory. Although, these things are never as cut and dried as you expect.’
‘No, I would imagine there will be hoops to jump through.’ An awful thought popped into Caitlin’s mind. ‘Where is Sophie in the meantime?’
Archie’s serious, crumpled expression spoke to his worry. ‘She’s staying with temporary foster parents up in Edinburgh, at the moment. The poor wee bairn. Jackie’s mum is trying to visit, but it’s not easy for her. That’s why I need to get the ball rolling as soon as I can.’ His nostrils flared. ‘I don’t want the girl to be with strangers for any longer than necessary.’ He closed his mouth and grimaced as if an unwelcome realisation had just hit. He lifted his chin and Caitlin saw terror in his expression and crumpled brow. ‘Shit, Caitlin… that’s exactly what I am too. A stranger. The poor girl.’ He lowered his head into his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. ‘She won’t know me from Adam.’ There was such despondency in his voice. ‘This is why I should have met her instead of being a selfish coward. This is why I should have done more. I don’t even know if she’s seen photos of me. What if she’s terrified? What if she doesn’t want to live with me? What do I do then?’ The anguish he felt was evident in his eyes again.
Caitlin sat beside him once more. ‘Hey, don’t jump the gun, okay? And you weren’t a selfish coward because she wasn’t yours at the time. You had done such a noble thing for your friends, and you weren’t to know what would happen years down the line. But you’re named on the birth certificate, and you clearly have Jackie’s backing. They are huge positive factors. And I’m afraid, at five years old, Sophie has no concept of what’s good for her, not really, so she will have to learn to accept it. She’s just lost the one constant in her life, so it may not be plain sailing, but you’ll get there. I know you will.’
