Page 26 of A Summer of New Beginnings
We miss you so much we’re drowning our sorrows but we can assure you we’re not enjoying the Margaritas one bit.
The afternoon was going to be a difficult one. Over fifty miles of cycling and sitting on Silver Dickhead lay ahead before Zara would reach her next stop at Ullapool. Perhaps she would need to find a pub with live music for the evening to cheer her up. She decided she would try to do just that but at that precise moment she needed all her focus to be on the road ahead.
*
As she was about toset off her phone rang. It was a bit of a shock to hear her Florence and the Machine ringtone as she had been making do with text messages due to poor signal. She hadn’t yet removed Josh’s number from her phone and seeing his name flash up on the screen sent her into a tailspin.
‘H-hello?’ She was hesitant and she was aware that it was clear in her tone of voice.
‘Zara? Hey, it’s me… Josh. Ijust wanted to check that you’re okay. You know… see how you’re getting on up north. And… to tell you that I miss you.’
She sighed heavily. ‘Josh, please, that’s not fair. You were the one who ruined things. You can’t just call me out of the blue and say things like that.’
‘I know. I know, I’m sorry. I just… I wasn’t ready to let you go. It’s crazy, I know. I just… Look, I meant everything Isaid about wanting you in my life. I really did want that.’
She didn’t want to acknowledge the little spark of hope that had ignited inside her because deep down she knew it was pointless. ‘Didbeing the operative word though. Are you still seeing Katie?’ There was a long pause, which acted as the confirmation he didn’t actually say.
‘Things are just so complicated, Zara. I’m so mixed up abouteverything. I just don’t know what I really want any more.’
Zara closed her eyes and willed herself not to get upset. Nothing had changed. Josh simply wanted his cake and to eat it too. Well, she wouldn’t be any part of this little game. She deserved so much more than someone who cheated with his ex the moment her back was turned.
‘Look, Josh, I think youdoknow what you want. And I think it’sthe new life you planned with your son and your ex. And I don’t factor into that. I can’t forgive you for cheating on me when you’d assured me that nothing was going to change between us. But I’m not going to ask you to choose because the decision has been made. I’ve made it. We’re over, Josh. We were over the moment you jumped into bed with Katie. And I think you know that.’
He sighed now. ‘Ijust wanted to hear your voice. Things had been going so well between us when everything happened. It threw me for a loop. I just wanted to know that you’re okay. Are you really? I don’t just mean with your trip and camping and stuff. I mean… well, you know…’
She inhaled deeply to steady her breathing and prickled with annoyance. Did he think he’d made such an impact on her that she’d never recover?Conceited much?
Forcing a brightness to her voice that she simply didn’t feel internally, she said, ‘I’m absolutely fine. It’s not as if my love for you was reciprocated, was it? So I’ve had to get over you,’ she lied. ‘And I don’t need you checking on me. Okay? I’m a tough woman, not some damsel in distress. And you have your son to think about. Just go and make plans and have a wonderful happylife with him, okay?’ Her voice broke in spite of her determination to remain tough.
‘But… can I call you again? Just to make sure things are okay?’
Her resolve was firm. ‘No. You don’t need to. And to be honest I’d rather you didn’t. It won’t help either of us to move on, will it? And like I said, I’m absolutely fine.’
Another long silence ensued. ‘Okay. I understand. Just please take care.I’m so sorry about how things turned out. I genuinely mean that. If things were different… well… If you ever need anything you know where I am.’
‘Yes, in the arms of another woman is where you’ll be. I have people I can call on who won’t take me for a fool. Bye, Josh.’ Before he could speak again she hit the ‘end call’ button and stared at her phone. A growl of exasperation, anger and sadnessleft her throat. What had been the point in his call? Was he deliberately trying to make her miss him? And if so, why would he be so damned cruel? She didn’t take him for that type of man.
*
The rugged coastline lay out before her like something otherworldly. She remembered watching TV shows with her dad as a child, shows likeDoctor Whothat used remote locations to represent other planets.This could have been taken right from one of those shoots.
Onwards along the road that snaked its way, hugging the western coastline, dipping and rising again just as suddenly. She couldn’t appreciate the view as much on this stretch of her journey. She needed her wits about her to take notice of the bends and hills that sprang up on her with less than a moment’s notice.
Her legs burned andher heart pounded as tiredness began to set in. She found yet another lay-by and pulled in for a break. It was a location with another spectacular view. The high vantage point was such that she felt as though she were literally on top of the world. She took off her helmet and ran a hand through her knotted hair and took a long drink of water from the bottle mounted on the bike frame. Then she tookout her phone and snapped several shots, making sure to note down as much detail about the location as she could for her article.
Standing a little distance away in the parking area was a man in a very sharp, well-fitted suit. He was standing by his four-wheel-drive vehicle, staring out at the landscape before them; his shoulders slumped as if the weight of the world were pressing him down. Zarawondered for a moment why anyone dressed in such inappropriate clothing would be in this remote location. As if he felt her watching him, he turned his head and met her eyes. She smiled. From what she could see at the distance he was handsome and clean-cut. More her type than Josh had been. He would look right at home in the financial districts of London but here in the Highlands he looked asout of place as she felt.
He smiled stiffly in response and nodded an acknowledgment but turned away quickly as his phone rang. ‘Yes, I’m on my way home… No, it hasn’t been great for me either but this is something I have to do… I know you don’t understand but… Look, I can’t really talk now. I don’t want to air my dirty laundry in public when someone’s listening.’ He glanced over at Zara againand she felt her cheeks flame with embarrassment. Did he really think she was listening? Okay, so she’d heard what he was saying but it wasn’t deliberate.
He hung up his call and stood there again, this time his head hung and his hands rested on his hips. He had a defeated air to his demeanour. She pretended to search her backpack in the hope he would see she wasn’t actually paying attentionto him. He sighed and rubbed his hands roughly over his face, glancing sideways at her again as if he was waiting for her to leave. But she wasn’t quite ready and, anyway, it was a public highway. Did he think he owned the bloody place?
Plucking up courage from somewhere, she turned to face the handsome businessman. ‘Excuse me; I just wanted to say that I wasn’t listening in. Well, not on purposeanyway. But we’re the only two people standing here so it was a bit hard not to hear. But I wanted you to know I wasn’t intent on being nosey.’
Mr Smart Suit turned to face her and scrunched his brow. ‘Sure, whatever.’ His tone was dismissive and a little acerbic – unnecessarily so, she thought.
She wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much but for some reason it did. ‘I mean, I don’t go deliberatelylistening in on phone calls. Not usually. I’m a journalist so I think I’m inherently inquisitive, but I don’t make a habit of such things.’Oh, God. I’m waffling like a loony at a total stranger in a lay-by.In a bid to make herself appear less bizarre, she continued, ‘Lovely spot, this, isn’t it?’
He gave her a befuddled look and shook his head. ‘I suppose it is.’
