Page 18 of A Summer of New Beginnings
*
The following morning was a Tuesday and Zara was woken in Josh’s bed by the alarm on her phone. After a moment of panic she remembered she’d had the foresight to pack some workclothes. She stretched out to feel for him but he wasn’t there. She could hear talking through the flimsy sliding screen and decided she ought to get up. She spied a checked shirt over the chair in the corner and grinned. She’d always wanted to do that thing where the girl walks around in just her man’s shirt. There seemed no time like the present so she grabbed the shirt and slipped it on. For decencyshe slipped on her panties too, just in case anyone turned up unexpected.
She found Josh in the kitchen on the phone. His hair was damp from the shower and he had a towel draped round his bare shoulders. He wore board shorts that showed off his shapely calf muscles and she paused at the door to admire the view for just a few moments more.
‘I see. Okay, well, it’s a bit short notice. But, ofcourse, I’ll do what I can. Thanks for letting me know anyway. Speak to you soon. Yeah… you too. Bye.’ He hung up and turned towards her. ‘Hey, good morning, gorgeous. Did you sleep well?’
She sidled over to him and slipped her arms round his waist. ‘Mmm. I certainly did. You?’
He leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on her lips. ‘Extremely well. I could get used to waking up to your nakedbody wrapped around me.’
She felt heat rise in her cheeks and was suddenly very self-conscious. She pulled away and tucked her hair behind her ears.
He frowned and tilted his head. ‘What did I say wrong?’
She shrugged. ‘Nothing… it’s just…’
He smiled in that heart-melting way he had. ‘Come on, just say it.’
‘I’m just worried there’s a bit of a pattern developing here.’
‘Pattern?’ He shrugged.‘What pattern?’
‘Well, you told me about your son and I dived into bed with you when really we still have things to talk about. I don’t want us to get used to papering over any cracks in our relationship with sex.’
He laughed and his shoulders bounced up and down. ‘Zara, sweetheart, you have to admit there are worse ways to deal with relationship crap.’ He stepped closer and slipped one armround her. ‘And you also have to admit we’re pretty bloody awesome at the papering part,’ he said huskily.
She shook her head, a little annoyed that he wasn’t taking her seriously. ‘No, you know what I mean. I’m not… I don’t…’
He tilted her chin so she would make eye contact. ‘Hey, I don’t think we paper over things with sex. Not at all. I just… I struggle to say how I feel out loud and so sexis… it’s a kind of expression of how I feel inside. What we have is good, Zara. I don’t want to lose it. So if you need to talk more, we talk more. But just to be clear, the sex I have with you, it means something, okay? Obviously I can’t get enough of you in that department. I think the three times last night proved that. But… what I’m inarticulately trying to say is that…’ he swallowed ‘…I haven’tfelt this way about anyone since… well, since Katie. And I don’t want to mess it up. So if I’m expecting too much of you over this thing with Caleb, or if I’m not dealing with it how you want me to, then just say, okay? Because I don’t want to do anything to spoil this. I like us.’
It was an ‘L’ word. But it still wasn’t the one she’d hoped for. He’d as good as said it. And even in the absenceof the hallowed word itself her heart beat faster and she was suddenly overcome with emotion. She forced it down deep lest it be set free and give her away. Instead she nodded and smiled. ‘Me too. Very much.’
