Page 14 of A Summer of New Beginnings
He smiled and stepped towards her again. ‘Flattery will get youeverywhere, Miss Bailey.’ He took the bottle of wine from her hand. ‘But first, let’s have a glass of wine and chat, eh?’ He took her hand and led her into the open-plan lounge. It was very clean and tidy as always. The main area was L-shaped with the couch at one side and the kitchen round the other arm of the L. It was simply decorated in blue and grey, with the feel of a seaside holiday cottage. A wall ofglass bricks and a sliding screen separated the living area from the bedroom and a shower room was positioned in one corner, by the main entrance. As studios went it wasn’t a bad size really. The ceilings were high and the cornice was a beautiful original feature, as was the small fireplace. The flat had once been the servants’ quarters of the original house, Josh had told her on her very first,albeit brief, visit.
‘This is such a lovely place, you know, Josh. We should spend more time here.’
‘Ah, thank you.’ He cringed and shrugged. ‘It’s just so small. And it’s only temporary really. When I moved in a couple of years ago the space was plenty but now… Erm… anyway the rent’s low so I’m saving up to buy my own place… eventually. Have a seat and I’ll go and get us some drinks.’
Sheabsently wondered why, all of a sudden, the place was too small. News of his intention to buy a new place was something he’d never mentioned before. Then it dawned on her that he might be about to ask her to live with him. He’d need a bigger place if that were to happen. Her heart leapt and she sat on the navy-blue sofa for a moment to gather herself together. Whilst Josh was opening the wine, shestood again to look at the photos lined up on the shelves surrounding the TV. Josh and his parents, who still lived up north. Josh and his younger brother, who was pretty much a younger carbon copy. Josh and Zara at some fancy-dress party – all familiar photographs that brought a smile to her face. But a new addition was most intriguing. A multi-aperture frame filled with photos of a young boy withmousey brown hair and the same blue eyes as Josh. The photos showed the boy at varying ages from about five years to possibly nine or ten. Her intrigue was piqued. Did he have an evenyoungerbrother perhaps? And if so, how come he had never mentioned this before?
Josh appeared at the corner of the unit. ‘Ah,’ was all he said.
Her smile faded at his reaction and she began to wonder what thehell was going on. He had gone very pale and the expression on his face was one of fear. ‘Erm, sorry, I didn’t intend to be so nosey. I just… who’s the cute little boy?’ she asked as her stomach knotted and confusion fogged her mind.
‘I thought I’d moved them all…’ he mumbled to himself.
‘All of what? Josh, what’s going—?’
‘Look, you’d better sit down. I clearly haven’t thought all of thisthrough.’
Her heart skipped as worry niggled at the back of her mind. ‘Thoughtwhatthrough?’ She walked over and sat down once more.
Josh joined her and handed her a glass of red wine. His hand shook as he took a sip of his own and glanced back at the unit where the photos were. ‘That’s Caleb. The boy. It’s Caleb.’
Zara nodded slowly, still not having a clue what was wrong with Josh. ‘Caleb?And who is Caleb?’
Josh swallowed hard and closed his eyes briefly. ‘He’s… he’s my son.’
Zara gasped in spite of herself. ‘What?’ Her eyes widened and her heart almost leapt from her chest.
‘I should probably have mentioned this last week when things kicked off with his mum but… I couldn’t get my head around it all. It was too much. And I didn’t know how to explain.’
She stood quickly andglared at him. ‘Well, how about you bloodytry?’ Zara was aware her voice was raised but she didn’t care. All she wanted to know was how the hell he had kept this fact from her for all this time.
‘Look… I know this looks bad… so bad, but I was so caught up in… inyou. And I was scared to lose you. I was going to tell you ages ago but there never seemed to be an apt moment and we were having sucha good time together that I didn’t want to ruin everything.’
‘It’s been a bloody year, Josh. You’ve hidden this from me for a whole year. How could you not tell me? I don’t understand.’ Her insides roiled. It was a kind of betrayal – an omission of the truth was still a lie, after all.
‘Because… Because it’s a difficult and painful story to tell but I realise I owe you that much. If you’re goingto continue to be in my life after this, which I hope you are, then you deserve to know the truth.’
Zara took a long gulp of her wine, almost spilling the contents of the glass as her hands shook. She sat once again. ‘Okay, go on.’
Josh nodded and sat gingerly beside her as if he was scared she’d bolt. ‘Okay… I was at high school when I met Katie, Caleb’s mother.’ He glanced down at his glass.‘We were head over heels in love. I’m talking totally smitten. But her parents were so ridiculously strict. We had to sneak about to even get five minutes together. Her older brother used to hang around to keep an eye on us at school, which made things very tricky, as you can imagine. But… I genuinely did love her,’ he said wistfully. ‘She was so beautiful. Inside and out.’
He glanced up at Zaraand shook his head. ‘S-sorry. Erm… anyway, her dad was Australian and when his mother died he flew out to her funeral and stayed for a few weeks. Luckily for us Katie’s brother became otherwise occupied and for the first time we were free to see each other. That was when we became physical. It was a kind of natural step really. I had no intentions of ever leaving her, you see. She was my soulmate. Or so I thought back then.’ He paused and gulped down more Dutch courage. ‘But she got pregnant. We were kids. But I knew we could make it work. I really thought we could. Until her father found out. I thought he was going to kill me. But instead he did something worse.’
Zara frowned. ‘What could possibly be worse?’
Josh swallowed and ran his free hand through his hair. ‘He took Katieto Australia to live. The whole family. Gone. Including my baby.’ His voice cracked and Zara was torn between wanting to punch him and wanting to hug him. He inhaled and continued. ‘I wanted to protest, fight for her… for us and our baby to stay together, but that bastard was determined he’d stop that from ever happening. My parents looked into it all and, after a long spell of research, they satme down and explained it would be best if I let them go. That it was best for the baby not to have to deal with his father being at the other side of the world. That I should let him go and accept that I was powerless at that point in time. But that eventually, when he was old enough, he’d want to know me. I really struggled with that. I was too young to realise that what they were saying was trueand I hated them for it. We all went through a really rough patch and I rebelled a fair bit. But eventually things settled down. Katie managed to get a message to me through a mutual friend here in the UK when Caleb was born. There was no photo. I had no other information. I couldn’t hold him. It literally broke me.’ Josh’s eyes twinkled with unshed tears and he cleared his throat and forced a smile.‘Shit, sorry. You’ll be running under the next bus if I carry on.’
Trying to keep her own emotions in check, Zara shook her head. ‘Just… just go on, okay?’
‘Okay… so… About five years passed and then out of the blue a letter arrived at my parents’ house. There were all these photos of a little boy.Mylittle boy, Caleb. Golden skin, such a cute face and smiling eyes. Turns out Katie’s dad hadpassed away and she realised then that Caleb had a right to know his own father. Because I was nothing like hers. He was a tyrant. Possessive and controlling. I just wanted what was best for my son. And that’s why I had given him up. Although I never stopped hoping and loving him. And now, I send him birthday cards and letters. Then at Christmas I get to speak to him over Skype. It’s bloody incredible.’He clenched his jaw. ‘I just wish… I just wish I could reach out and touch him, you know?’
Zara’s lip trembled and she nodded, unable and unwilling to speak in case her emotions got the better of her. And they were so incredibly mixed up she really didn’t know what she felt.
‘Anyway, last week my mum and dad had the most amazing news.’
Aware she was about to hear the answer to why Josh hadbeen behaving strangely, she guessed that whatever it was might be bad news for her. ‘Oh? What news?’
‘He’s coming to the UK next week, Zara. He’ll behere. Katie’s visiting family and friends and has asked if she can bring Caleb to meet me.’ His tear-filled eyes lit up and the huge smile on his face spoke volumes. The happiness radiating from him was a tangible entity in its own right.
