Page 56 of A Seaside Escape
At home, late that night and for the next few days, Mallory looked through old photos of her adventures with Sam and planned the places she would scatter the ashes. It was a difficult plan to make and looking at the photos brought the raw emotions to the surface once again. The two of them smiling, kissing and laughing from the glossy pages as if all was perfect. It had been.
*
Saturday was bright and fresh. Ron had a key to collect Ruby for a day of treats and walks and Greg picked her up at seven for their early start. They had a lot of distance to cover. What they were going to do in a day had taken Sam and Mallory a week the previous year. She had her map with little red stickers marking the main places and Greg had brought a flask of coffee. He had also made a CD for the journey with songs that were special to Mallory and Sam. When he told her of this she burst into tears at the thoughtful gesture. He held her whilst she cried. Today was going to be emotionally fraught. There was no doubt about that.
After around an hour of chatting, listening to music and the odd lengthy pensive silence, they arrived at Kentallen on the edge of Loch Linnhe, the first destination on the list. Mallory and Sam had spent a night in a log cabin here on the shores of the stunning loch. They had eaten at the beautiful Art Deco hotel on the shore. Then they had gone walking and been bitten by midges. They spent the following day stopping to lather each other in lotions and potions to ease the itching. She smiled to herself at the memory.
Greg stayed by the car and gave her some space to deal with the raw emotions that bubbled to the surface She walked to the water’s edge, opened the urn and grabbed a handful of the dust in the bottom. Lifting her hand, she opened her palm and let the dust be carried away on the breeze. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she watched it dissipate.
When she was ready to leave, they got back in the car to head for the second stop, Glencoe. The journey was a shorter one and took them through the most stunning mountain scenery. The colours were so vivid. Hues of brown covered the rocky ground like a lumpy carpet. The azure blue sky stretched like a blanket overhead. The Peak of the Buckle, the base of which was where Greg met Mairi, was visible in the distance. Greg stayed silent as if he was making sure that this was about Mallory, not himself. She appreciated the unspoken act of kindness.
They arrived at Glencoe and Greg stayed in the car again as Mallory wandered off for a while in solitude to scatter the next handful of dust. It almost sparkled as it dissipated in the warming air. It was at the gift shop here at Glencoe Visitors Centre where Mallory and Sam had bought a tree for the garden at Railway Terrace and a CD of music by the Peatbog Faeries which became the soundtrack of their holiday. She remembered the way the Highland cows had all wandered towards them as they had stood looking up at the view. One of the cows had sounded asthmatic and it had made Sam laugh hysterically whilst Mallory had talked to the cow trying to reassure it. Thinking back to that time made her smile.
She returned to find Greg leaning, arms folded, eyes closed and head back, against the Landy.
She suddenly felt ravenous.
‘C’mon, breakfast is on me. The cafe should be open by now,’ she called to Greg.
He jogged over to where she stood and they tramped up the wooden walkway side by side.
Once their order of coffee and bacon sandwiches was placed they sat at a table which gave them a wonderful view outside.
Greg had been quiet for a few moments. With a frown on his face, he announced, ‘You know, I’m kind of jealous of the relationship you had with Sam. I mean because of how intensely you loved each other.’
She bit her lip before answering. ‘Your love for Mairi was intense.’
He exhaled loudly. ‘The thing with Mairi was… she was adventurous. She was always looking for that next natural high. I supported her, of course I did, but since I lost her I’ve often wondered how long it would have taken for her to move on anyway.’
Mallory felt concern for her friend’s unhelpful train of thought. She shook her head. ‘Greg, you can’t think that way. I’m sure she loved you just the same.’
‘Na. The more I’ve looked back, since meeting you and witnessing how strong things were for you guys, I got to analysing my relationship. You see, Mairi was a good deal younger than me. If I’m honest I think maybe things were one-sided.’ Greg paused as their food arrived. He thanked the waitress and looked back to Mallory. ‘I think that all along I feared that she’d leave. I was always happy in the Highlands. It’s where I belong; where I feel safe and at home. Mairi was always looking to the horizon. I reckon it wouldn’t have been too long before she found someone else on one of her trips. You know… someone who was a bit more adventurous, like her.’ A sad expression came over his face and his soliloquy had shocked Mallory into a bewildered silence. ‘Sorry. This day isn’t about me. I’m waffling on.’
Mallory looked down, feeling sorry for him, but sure that he didn’t want her sympathy. ‘No… no it’s fine. I-I’m just shocked that you feel that way.’ She wasn’t really sure what to say.
‘I’m just being realistic. What you and Sam had… I want that. It was real and genuine… It was true love.’ He looked at his food but didn’t eat. ‘All that said, I still loved Mairi with all my heart. Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve married her after the first date. And all the emotions I felt…feel… are still real. Nothing can change that.’ He smiled. Mallory watched as Greg wrestled with his thoughts. His words preyed on her mind and she wished she was able to prove him wrong – or to just ease his mind in some way. But instead she remained silent, knowing that the mood of the day had taken a subtle shift.
They finished their breakfast and headed back for the car. They set off on the next leg of their journey and a little while later they arrived at the Corran Ferry Terminal and boarded the ferry once it arrived fifteen minutes later. Their journey across the water on the two-car vessel was a smooth one and they were quickly delivered to the other side of the water.
The next part of their journey was just over two hours. They headed for Glenfinnan on the longer, scenic route which took them through the Ardnamurchan peninsula. The virtually unspoilt scenery was timeless and vast. The rocky landscape made up of dormant volcanoes was the stuff of sci-fi movies. They passed through the lush green village of Acharacle with its little school and holidaymakers. The remains of Castle Tioram were just visible from the road.
From the car park at Glenfinnan they could see the statuesque monument, which commemorated the Jacobite rising, standing proudly looking over Loch Shiel. The majestic loch behind glistened in the early afternoon sunshine. They walked towards the monument and Mallory thought back to when she was here with Sam. It had been virtually deserted. Sam had climbed the internal staircase right to the top of the monument and Mallory had taken a zoomed photo looking up at him from ground level.
Mallory asked Greg if she could have a few moments alone at the water’s edge. The huge piece of twisted tree trunk, where an old man had taken a photo of Sam and Mallory, was still there. The photo was one of her favourites. They looked so happy and windswept with the sparkling loch and the mountains creating a v-shaped valley for their backdrop. Mallory let another handful of dust fly freely towards the heavens.
She allowed herself a few tears at this point. It had been such a special place for them. They had never got bored of just sitting cuddled up on the twisted tree trunk looking out over the water.
As they strolled back to the car, Greg put his arm around Mallory’s shoulder and squeezed her to him.
He kissed her head. ‘How are you holding up, matey?’ he asked quietly.
‘I’m good. It’s just hard. But it has to be done.’ After a pause she continued, ‘Greg, I’m glad you’re with me.’
‘Me too, hen, me too.’
They climbed back into the car and Greg started the engine. ‘Where are we off to next then?’ he enquired and Mallory looked at her itinerary.
‘Fort Augustus,’ she replied. ‘Sam and I visited there a couple of times. I remember standing on the little bridge over the locks watching the water pouring in to lift a boat up. It was fascinating. We had ice cream sundaes in a little cafe just by the Caledonian Canal. Sam thought they were the best sundaes he had ever eaten. I say “they”, as he ended up eating most of mine too, greedy sod.’ She chuckled at the memory.
