Page 27 of Time After Time
“Stop,” I told myself, pushing through my usual jogging pace for less than ten minutes. My lungs and heart weren’t cooperating, making me gasp for air, while my ankles trembled like I was learning to walk for the first time. I forced myself to power through the last stretch toward home, arriving at the doorstep, breathless and on the edge of collapse. The world around me swayed, and I had to fight with everything I had not to drop to my knees and spill my guts.
Reaching my mum’s front door, a pastel light pink arched beauty that was lighter than the pink of the house itself, I pressed my right palm against the cool knob and closed my eyes. I let my chest slowly return to a steadier rhythm, surprised and a bit unsettled by how quickly it had been rising and falling.
To my surprise, and before I could fully compose myself, the door swung open to reveal my mum’s astonished yet glowing face. I flashed her a wide grin, trying to head off any questions about my flushed cheeks. Her eyes twinkled as she let out a soft chuckle and shook her head, amused.
“Mrs. Marley found a couple of antique lamps in her attic,” she explained, her hand resting on my damp shoulder. I improvised, using the edge of my shirt collar perched on my left shoulder to wipe away the perspiration on my forehead. “I promised to help her clean out the attic, and she said I could take anything she’s thinking of throwing away.”
Gosh, I would miss this.I would miss her eyes twinkling with every piece of furniture she saw potential in, every piece she knew she could restore and turn into a beauty.
“Do you want me to come along?” I asked, taking a subtle breath. Though I kept my fatigue well hidden, the slight wobble in my voice and the way I leaned against the door frame betrayed the effort it took to maintain my composure. “I could shower and drive us there.”
She shook her head, her hair pulled into a ponytail that she had gracefully unravelled into a braid at the end. “She doesn’t have a ton of stuff, and Rob is heading over once he makes sure everything at the dinner is perfect.” I nodded in understanding, but promptly took the fairly heavy bag she was carrying. I stepped off the porch and placed it on the truck’s passenger seat, mindful of her tools, ensuring they wouldn’t tumble over during the drive on Mrs. Marley’s bumpy farm terrain. Leaning against the open passenger door, I watched as she climbed into the driver’s seat.
“Call me if you need anything, okay, Mum?
She blew me a kiss. “By the way, Gen’s in there.”
My breath grew uneven again, and I noticed my hands, usually dry after a run, were now slick with sweat. “She’s inside?”
My mum buckled up and started the car without looking my way. Typically, when Rob or I drove, she’d gripe about having to adjust the mirrors and the seat. “She said you two were going to try to bake?” Mum turned her gaze toward me, her eyes squinting as she shielded them from the harsh glare of the sun. The sunlight cast sharp shadows on her face, making her features appear more defined as she tried to make out my expression. “She arrived early, just a few minutes before you left for your daily run.”
I glanced toward the front entrance, half-expecting her to appear as if she could sense my return.
“Fuck yeah, I forgot for a second there.” My lips went into a line. “I told her we could do it here. I still need to clean the kitchen at the cottage before I start using it.” My mum nodded and before she could ask me if I needed help cleaning it, I shook my head with a smile, knowing that she was still feeling a bit sad that I had moved away… even if I was just a few minutes of walking distance.
I’d told myself I was doing it for them—to give them space. But deep down, I hoped that moving to the cottage would give me a little more strength when it was time to leave for another continent, if I got the internship. I thought it wouldn’t hurt as much. But even just being a short walk away had me missing them more than I expected.
As my mum’s car disappeared down the driveway, I stood there for a moment, rooted in place. After taking a deep breath, I finally walked up to the door and paused again, gathering my thoughts before stepping inside.
Gen’s shoes were by the door, and as I closed it behind me, I decided against removing mine—sweaty and possibly stinky as they were.
“Hey.” I had barely taken a few steps when I spotted her perched on the couch, knees tucked under her chin, gazing at me. “I arrived a bit early, totally forgetting about your daily run.” Her eyes drifted over me, and it seemed she struggled to hold my gaze above my shoulders. “Sebastian.” The mention of my name made me flinch. I could see her eyes widening slightly and her brows knitting together, signalling that a serious conversation was about to begin. “You seriously forgot to wear sunscreen again?” She threw her head back with a resigned sigh, as if she’d already given up on me.
In an instant, my mind flashed back to the previous night and the strange feeling that had settled over us. Maybe I was the only one coming home with a heavy weight in my chest and a storm of jumbled thoughts. Perhaps I was the only one lying awake in bed, tossing and turning, battling frustration and an itch that seemed relentless, as if the discomfort on my chest would never ease.
I swallowed hard, completely at a loss for words or even sounds. It had been minutes since she last spoke, and now she stood before me, a bemused expression on her face. With everysecond, I felt like I was suffocating, as if a collar was tightening around my neck, making it hard to breathe or swallow. Everything was coming back to me. Every fear that wasn’t there most mornings, but always screamed at me each night.
But then...
A sweet, floral scent imprinted itself on me, leaving me disoriented and overwhelmed, yet somehow clearing my nose, as if I could finally breathe. The tightness around my neck seemed to vanish just as quickly.
“I’m going to take a shower,” were the only words I managed to get out before running up the stairs three at a time, acutely aware of her penetrating gaze on my back.
The shower seemed to stretch endlessly, as I stood under the spray of water for some time, finally without thoughts, just staring at my feet while the water pooled around.
Wrapping a towel around my waist, I hurried into my old bedroom and shut the door with a soft click. My damp, cool feet left faint, fleeting impressions on the light hardwood floor as I dropped onto the edge of my bed, which was staying here as I had brought a bigger one for my cottage.
The sunlight streamed through the window, casting a golden glow across my bare back. It spilt over the plants on the windowsill, making their leaves shimmer in the warm light.
My gaze wandered around the room, seeking any distraction to buy me a bit more time. But the room had been almost emptied and there wasn’t much to look at until it settled on my desk, and with a frustrated scowl and a low grumble, I pushed myself off the mattress and made my way over to it.
The wall above my desk was adorned with a mosaic of Polaroids, ones I needed to take with me. I let myself drift through each one. There was a shot of me with my mouth wide open, a couple of baby teeth conspicuously absent. My mum had surprised me with a chef’s jacket and a tiny wooden kitchen toyafter noticing my fascination with the kitchen. The miniature toy now rested safely in the attic.
Several more Polaroids captured moments of wide-eyed joy, with my mum and Rob always by my side. Each snapshot was a glimpse into the various trips and adventures we had shared.
A beam of sunlight shifted, illuminating a particular photo.
I loved this picture.
