Page 82 of Under My Skin
“Leslie,” my dad practically scolds.
“What?” Mom asks with a shrug. “It’s true.”
I frown, my breakfast sitting untouched in front of me. “What do you mean?”
My father pinches the bridge of his nose. “You two know how strict Grammy and Papa were when I was growing up. You’ve heard the stories.”
“Yeah. It’s why you never took us to church,” Simon says casually.
“We took you to church,” my mother says defensively.
Simon rolls his eyes. “I don’t think a couple of Easter egg hunts count.”
“What does them being strict have to do with anything?” I ask, determined to get us back on track.
My father starts to pet Pudge at a faster rate. Even Pudge looks mildly put off by the anxious strokes. It only takes a few seconds for him to get fed up and jump down with a disgruntled meow. I’ve been holding on to so much anger toward my parents for not being upfront about this, but now that they’re actually trying to talk about it, I feel bad for them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my dad look so uncomfortable. “Because,” he says, wiping a hand over his mouth. “I knew they wouldn’t accept me for who I was—” He clears his throat. “Who I am.”
Simon stops chewing.
Time stops, and it feels like I’m seeing my parents clearly for the first time. I guess that’s because Iamseeing them clearly for thefirst time. They’ve never been overly affectionate, but the love between them was so strong, I never thought twice about it. They’ve always said the key to a happy marriage was to marry your best friend . . . and that’s what they undoubtedly are—best friends.
My father takes in our blank stares and fidgets with his finger where his wedding ring once was, like if his impulse is to twist it back and forth even though it’s not there anymore. “I’m sorry to keep this from you for so long. I’ve just been having a hard time with all the change. It’s something I’ve kept hidden for so long, saying the truth out loud is terrifying just as much as it is liberating.” He rubs the back of his neck and offers a half-hearted smile.
The hard drive of my brain feels like it just got water on it. It’s still trying to function even though nothing will connect.
Simon blinks and finally swallows his bite. Looking at my mom, he asks, “And you knew? When you two got married, you knew he was gay?”
I gape at my brother. He’s just going to come out and say it?
“Oh, of course.” Mom says, giving him a reassuring smile. “I wasn’t tricked into anything.” With a laugh, she looks at my father. “Could you imagine?”
He smiles at her, and there’s so much warmth behind it. It’s the same way I’ve seen him look at her countless times. There’s no doubt that he adores her. I guess it’s just not in the way I thought he did.
“Why now?” I ask, finally remembering how to speak. “After all these years.”
My mother cuts in. “We agreed to get married because he was feeling intense pressure from his family, and we both wanted children. I was getting older and pretty much wanted to swear off men after my dating history, so it worked out.” She pauses to take in the sight of my brother and me sitting in front of her. “But now you two are all grown up with your own lives, and I think it’s about time your dad finds a different type of happiness.”
“And what about you?” I ask, suddenly more worried about my mother being lonely than anything else.
She waves off my concern. “Oh, I’ll be fine. I have my art, and I’ll still have my family. Things will just look a little different, and that’s okay.”
I nod dumbly, only vaguely processing her words. They’re both . . . fine. No one is sick or dying. No one betrayed anyone. They aren’t liars, at least not with malicious intent. They’re fine. Their marriage is ending . . . but they’ll still look out for each other, and they’ll be okay. As sad as I am for the end of this chapter, it can’t compare to the ache in my chest at the thought of my dad having to change who he is for the sake of other people. No one should have to hide who they are, especially from their family.
Simon stares down at his plate with his eyebrows pulled together. I have no idea what he’s thinking, but if he’s not going to say something, I guess I need to. “Thanks for telling us,” I say, my voice small. I get up from my seat and walk around the countertop and give my father a hug. It’s been a while since I’ve hugged him without it being part of a greeting or saying goodbye. I just stand there, in the middle of the kitchen, with my arms wrapped around him. It breaks my heart to think he didn’t feel accepted for such a large part of his life. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have felt like. “I’m sorry,” I say, still keeping my head pressed to his chest.
He pets the top of my head and lets out a chuckle. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for, Lulu.”
There is, though. I’ve been so angry with him, and all he needed was a little more time. Instead of saying anything, I squeeze him tighter and hope he understands how much I mean my apology.
“Is that why you like Judy Garland so much?” Simon asks, and I roll my eyes as I break away from my father.
My mother laughs and so does my dad. A light laugh even getspulled from me, and for a moment, everything feels incredibly normal. At least, until there’s a knock at the door.
Chapter Forty-Four
EVERETT
No one wasat Simon’s apartment, so I rode by their parents’ house. I didn’t think I’d find anything. Lucy doesn’t have a car here, so it’s not like I’d see if she were here from the driveway alone. Simon is supposed to be working, so when I saw his bike parked out front, I figured I should stop and try to patch things up with him. Neither of them answered my texts last night, but I figure they’re probably hashing out their own sibling stuff.
