Page 112 of Storm in a Teacup
Her eyes move back to mine. “Ben, I love you too. I am in love with you too.” My heart explodes in my chest. She loves me too. Iknewit. “But—”
“Don’t say but,” I beg.
“Butwe talked about this. Neither of us…” she trails off, contemplating which point to bring up first because I know she has many. “What about David?” she lands on.
“What about David? Who cares about David?”
“You’re still in love with him.”
My shoulders droop. “I’m not,” I say. “I haven’t been for a while. I’m not sure when my heart fell out of love with him and in love with you, but it’s been a long time now. I’m so sorry it took me so long to figure it out, to admit. I was too hurt by everything with him to see what I had before me. What I had inside of me. You said our hearts aren’t ready, but mine is. It got a head start on me and ran straight to you.”
As if feeling it in her chest, she covers her heart with both hands. “I don’t know ifmineis ready. You deserve a whole heart, but mine has been shredded to pieces more times than I can count. I don’t know if it can take that again. IfIcan take that again.”
“I won’t shred your heart.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Ido.I’ll be so, so careful with it, Linny. I’ll cradle it in my hands and give it all the love and care it deserves. I’ll feed it, I’ll burp it, I’ll wrap it in warm blankets and…” I shake my head with a heartbroken laugh. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying. I just know that I love you. I want you. I need you. Please, you love me too. You said it. You do. Can we please, please just take care of each other? It’s not going to be perfect, because life never is, people never are, but we can make our own version of perfect.”
“Ben,” she argues.
“Come on, sugar. I’m spitting out poetry here. Give me something.”
“Ican’t.” She says it so firmly I have to take a step back. “I meant it when I said I did not want to be in another relationship. I can do life alone. I am capable of it. I don’t need someone. I don’t need anyone. I’m my own person. I am capable,” she says again. “I…I…” she trails off, tears now falling.
I thumb away a tear. “Just because you can, and sugar, I know you can, doesn’t mean you have to.”
She backs away from me gently, so I reluctantly drop my arm.
“I can’t do this, Ben. I’m sorry. I’m not ready.”
I give one stiff bob of my head. “Then I’ll wait.”
“Ben…”
“No, I will wait until you are ready because there is no one else for me, Linny Jenkins. No one else.”
She argues, “There are so many other people out there. People who can love you so much better than I can. People who aren’t going to be a burden on you in the future.”
“You willneverbe a burden on me. Never.” I regard her seriously. “Don’t you dare presume that. Don’t you dare think that I wouldeverfeel that way. You will never be a burden on me.”
She throws up her hands. “Fine.Fine. But you could be dating someone else. Anyone else. What about Paul? I mean, he likes you, you like him.”
“What about Paul? Who cares about Paul?”
“Paul is great.”
“Thenyoudate Paul.”
“Paul is gay,” she shoots back.
“Then neither of us will date Paul! Why are we talking about Paul? Stop bringing up other people.” I exhale, rubbing myforehead. “I feel like we’re getting off-topic, so let’s go over this again. I love you. You love me, but are not ready to date me. Fine. I am willing to wait, so that’s what I’ll do.”
“Ben…” she starts again, but I cut her off.
“Lin, every argument you have, I have a counterargument prepared. That’s it. We’re in love with each other. I am waiting for you. Done.”
With that, I pivot on my heel and am out of her flat in a flash, closing the door behind me. I get to the bottom of the stairs and pause, anticipating the click of a lock that does not come. I sit at the bottom of the stairs, waiting, just as I promised I would. I will leave when she locks her door. She always deadbolts her door because the one at the bottom does not lock very well, so she will lock it.
