Page 141 of Three Not-So-Little Words
“Yeah, he is, but I can’t.”
“You can’t what?”
“I can’t do any of this, Dylan. I let myself get close to him, and he almost died.”
“Ronnie–”
“No, Dylan. Don’t. I don’t need a pep talk right now. I need you to take me home.”
He looks at the door. “I wanted to see Drew before I headed out.”
“Fine. I’ll walk.”
“Come on, Ronnie. Just give me a second, and we can leave.”
I manage to get my bearings and stand up. “Don’t worry about it. A walk will do me some good anyway.”
He calls after me, but I’m not listening. I refuse to stop at this point.
I don’t head straight home. I walk around town for hours, trying to make sense of everything that just happened. I feel bad for leaving Drew like I did, but it’s for the best. I’m not built for a relationship. What would I do if he died? I never recovered from Aaron. I’d be even more fucked up if something happened to Drew.
As fun as this whole thing has been, I shouldn’t be making any type of commitments. Someone will just end up getting hurt–whether that is me, Drew, or Colton.
Or all of the above.
What the fuck was I thinking dating a guy with a kid? That makes this whole thing even more complicated. What if Drew died? Where would that leave Colton? What would happen to him? I assume he would go to Sandy, but then, what? Would it be best to try to still be part of his life? Or would that be weird because I was just Daddy’s girlfriend who refused to make a real commitment to him?
All of these thoughts swirl through my head and make me sick to my stomach. Finally, I stop on the side of the road to hurl into a trash can.
When I finally make it home, I’m thankful Mom isn’t still there. I see that she just left a note on the counter telling me to call her if I need anything or just want to talk. Arlo follows me around, waiting for the moment when I sit down to give him some love.
Finally, I fall to my knees, and he comes over to lick my face and sit with me. Let’s be honest. This is the only relationship I’m ready for at the moment.
I’ll probably always be too fucked up for anything more.
After a little while, I head into the bedroom and see that I have about twenty missed calls. Some are from Dylan, some are from Mom, and I’m guessing some of them are from Drew because they are popping up as the hospital on my caller ID.
I set it back down, fully prepared to ignore everything on it, but it starts ringing in my hand. This time, it’s Mom again. I’m guessing she talked to Dylan and is freaking out right along with him.
I know that if I don’t call them back, they will just show up here. And lord knows, I don’t want that. I don’t want to talk toanyone right now. I’m sure they’ll all tell me I’m making a huge mistake, and I just need to calm down and think about things.
But I don’t want to hear any of that shit right now. All I want to do right now is escape.
And I think that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
“If you left an unattended bag at baggage claim A, please return to claim it as soon as possible.” The cheerful yet stern voice calls over the PA system throughout the airport.
“Come on, boy,” I lightly tug on Arlo’s leash so that he follows me over to the ticket counter.
I probably could have seen if someone in my family wanted to watch him, but there are two problems with that. One, I’m escaping so I don’t have to talk to them. It kind of defeats the point if I talk to them to ask to watch my dog.
And two, I don’t want to be away from him. We’ve only been together a week, and I think it’s important that we keep bonding.
So, we will take this little adventure together.
We arrive at the ticket counter, and the woman behind it says, “Hi, how can I help you today?”
“I need a first-class ticket for me and one for my dog.”
