Page 128 of Three Not-So-Little Words
forty-nine
Fuck It
Ronnie
“Is there anything better than laying in bed, eating ice cream after a good fuck?” I ask Drew as I shovel a spoonful of Rocky Road into my mouth.
“Not that I can think of.”
“Over a week is just far too long to go without banging,” I tell him. “I don’t know if we can wait that long again.”
“You won’t hear any arguments from me.” He smiles that classic Drew smile that has me melting a little inside.
We sit in silence for a moment before he says, “Earlier you asked me about Natalie. Why don’t you tell me a little about Aaron?”
“Hmm,” I say, trying to put my thoughts together. “Aaron was always laughing. He was a huge goofball. He would do anything in the world to get me to smile. Even when I was mad as hell at him, he would do something to have me giggling before too long. He was a good guy.”
Suddenly, something occurs to me, and apparently, it’s written all over my face because Drew asks what’s wrong.
“Nothing. It’s just that I knew Aaron when he was a teenager. We were both teenagers. I really have no idea who he would have grown up to be. He probably wouldn’t have even been the same person. I know I’m not the same person that I was back then.”
He doesn’t say anything but instead just listens to me and lets me work through it.
“I still miss him, but I miss the way that he was back then.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he says. “That’s how you knew him. It’s okay to miss him like he was.”
I know he’s right. At the same time, I’ve been holding onto him for so long. What if he had lived? Would we have ridden off into the sunset together, or would he have just been another notch on my bedpost?
I’ve never really stopped to think about it before. Aaron was my person. My confidant. My best friend. After he died, I never let anyone else get remotely close. That goes for guys and girls. Anyone who wasn’t family, I’ve kept at arm’s length.
Until Drew. Now, he’s the person that I share the most with. The one who I spend most of my time with. Maybe that’s why Aaron is starting to feel like more and more of a distant memory. I still have a special place in my heart for him, but I don’t feel quite as empty as I used to.
As much as I know I need to delve into this and try to figure out what’s going on inside my fucked-up head, I don’t want to get into it right now.
So, I change the subject instead. “Was Colton excited to see his grandma?”
“Oh, yeah. They always have a good time. She spoils him rotten, but I don’t care. He deserves to have at least one decent grandparent.”
“Well, if he comes around my parents, they’ll treat him like one of their own, and trust me, they love to spoil too.”
He smiles. “I’m sure he would love that.”
“And just as a warning, if we don’t take him over for my mom to meet him soon, she will find reasons to stop by. She hates being kept out of the loop on things.”
“Maybe we will have to drop by one day soon.”
We finish our ice cream, and I cuddle up against his chest. As he strokes my hair, he says, “I have something to confess.”
“If you tell me you’re gay, I’m going to lose my shit,” I joke.
“No, not gay,” he laughs. “The other night, I got out of bed to check on you. I saw you and Colton in the kitchen baking cupcakes.”
“You saw that, huh?” I ask, not really knowing what else to say.
“Not the whole thing. I didn’t want to spy or anything, but I saw you talking to him about Natalie and telling him why it’s important to celebrate the people we lose.”
“Are you mad?” I ask.
