Page 50 of Body Language
I wiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand, but more tears kept coming. I thought about Hux trying to be strong when he shouldn’t have to. About Heidi smiling, not knowing the half of it. About Ma saying she was trying. Trying?? How many times had I heard that before?
I slammed my fist against the steering wheel. I was so damn tired of being the one holding everyone together when I barely had the pieces of myself in place. And still… I couldn’t stop because if I let go, who would catch them?
“God… why?!” I yelled, pounding the wheel once, twice, three times. Tears blurred my vision. “Why you give me this life?”
“I don’t deserve this shit! I been good to people who didn’t deserve it, I been strong when I was breaking inside, I been raising babies that ain’t even mine like they mine.” My throat burned as the words tumbled out, messy and desperate.
“I’m tired, God. I’m so tired.”
I screamed until my voice was raw, tears streaming down so heavy I could barely see. I wiped them with the heel of my hand, but they just kept coming. The more I fought, the harder they fell.
My phone lit up on the passenger seat.
Kendrix.
I stared at it. No. I couldn’t answer. Not with my face streaked in tears and my soul hanging out raw. It stopped ringing. Then it lit up again.
I sniffled, swiped my sleeve across my face, and hit answer. “Hello?”
“Pretty… what’s wrong?”
That question broke me all over again. My lips trembled. “I don’t know… I just… I feel like…”
The tears started harder, almost choking me. I could hear the panic in my own breathing.
“Hey,” he said softly.. “Breathe. You hear me? In… and out. That’s it. Don’t fight it. Let it out. I got you.”
I did what he said. His voice wrapped around me like a blanket I didn’t know I needed.
“That’s it,” he murmured. “I’m right here. You safe, Pretty. Ain’t nobody watching but me. Let it go.”
I cried harder. Ugly, snotty, soul-deep cries. The kind I never let anyone see. But I couldn’t hold it with him.
He didn’t flinch, rush me, or tell me to “be strong.” He just… listened.
“I don’t ever… I don’t ever do this. Not with anyone.”
“I know,” he said. “And I ain’t anyone.”
“But listen, if them tears don’t stop falling, Pretty, I’m gone need that pussy to start raining down on me the same way.”
Through my tears, a laugh slipped out. “You are stupid as hell.”
“Stupid and serious,” he shot back, playful. “So go ahead and cry it out. Ima collect later.”
I shook my head, half laughing, half crying, wiping my face. “You’re really something else.”
I leaned back against the seat. “Thank you. For… for everything. And not just this.” My voice softened. “I know it was you. The house. Ma’s house.”
He was quiet, then said, “You can’t expect somebody to get clean living in filth. She’ll get there when she ready, but her surroundings matter. I just wanted to lighten your load a little.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me,” he said. “Just let me keep doing it.”
I let out a shaky breath.
“Can I pick you up tonight?” he asked. “I’m going to the club and I want you riding with me.”
