Page 29 of Resurrection
Aly
I can feel him.Allof them.
It was like I was numb. Rigid. Blank. There was an overwhelming feeling like I was going to pass out. I remember the guys fighting the sudden swarm, successfully overpowering them. I remember Jax and Cole crowding around me, huddling under the blankets, silent and still. That is, until a few moments later, when a new zombie presented itself. One that had death in its eyes—my death, and the deaths of the men I love—and then... the hard metal of salvation at my fingertips. Their touches and compassionate determination brought me back. But the overwhelming need to take back my life, to protect those that mean the most to me, and overcome the terrors that constantly tried to overtake me led my hand to the weapon. All it took was a slight nudge with my foot to inch it farther out from the depths under the backseat. Another deft pass, and the tool found its way into my hand.A single look at Cole and he knew, deep down, what I needed to do. His grip loosened just enough for me to shimmy out from under the seat and the blankets, rise to my knees, and plunge that screwdriver right into the demon that wanted to take what was mine.
Fuck.
I’ve only felt that way once before: when we all thought Cole was on the verge of transitioning. It was like I was possessed. I wasn’t about to let anything stop me from killing it for good, one way or another. And then it was over. So quickly, it was over.
I tear my gaze from my hand on Hawk’s torso to his soft eyes, relief and love staring back at me. A hand caresses my cheek, turning me towards its owner, Cole, who’s giving me the same look.
“Welcome back, beautiful. How do you feel?”
My left hand, still shaky and partially numb, is in someone else’s—Jax’s—as he gently massages my palm and wrist, waiting on pins and needles for me to answer. From the looks of each of them, I can tell my episode wasn’t an easy one, let alone what they all just had to endure with the ambush. It all comes back to me when I look past Jax, to the dead body hanging through the window.
I did that.
I didthat.
Even through my episode. Even as my vision dotted and my breathing tripped. Even through the painand paralyzing terror... Ididthat. Pulled myself out from the abyss to save myself and the others.
Jax places an index finger against his lips, a warning, before they tilt in a pleased smile. “I am so fucking proud of you, baby,” he whispers, his voice carrying a slight tremble with the words. After a second, he turns away, bringing my gaze outside the windows again. We’re still surrounded.
Hawk, brushing his fingers through my hair, recaptures my attention. The gesture sends glorious tingles down my spine, and grounds me with them in this tiny space. “It’s ok, sweetness, you did good.Sogood.”
“We’ve got you, always,” Cole says before kissing the end of my nose, nuzzling it afterward with an Eskimo kiss.
I swallow the lump in my throat, then sharply nod. “I know… I know. I’m ok.” I breathe out the dregs of my stress, just as Cole instructed me before. I do feel better, just a bit lightheaded and exhausted. The numbness slowly fades away, my head sluggishly clearing from the fog of my attack.
But reality is like a punch in the gut.
I can’t continue reacting this way to every crowd of zombies I happen to come up against. I can hold my own against one or two, but it’s the overwhelming numbers that make me lose myself in the chaos.
Not anymore.
I pushed through that episode and dragged myself back to the present, to the here and now. Defended myself and my family through the panic and terror.
I DID THAT.
Now, let’s just make that happen one hundred percent of the time! Kick all ‘dem zombie asses! WOOH!
I will no longer allow myself to be a victim of my own demise—the weak link. Rather, I will be a force to reckon with, even if I have to push myself over the edge to accomplish the task. It’s been over a year since they took over. It’s about time I fully learn to deal with it instead of running from it, even if it’s my brain that begs me to retreat.
After a few minutes, I force my eyes to stray outside, past the window. Trying my best to ignore the big, bad, dead zombie I just impaled, I take in the hundreds milling around the car, their dead faces looking this way and that. Inside the car and around it. I force myself to look into their eyes, desensitizing myself to their noxious, fatal presence. It’s difficult, however, when you’re staring down an endless wall of walking abscesses, decomposing and spewing their pus, blood, and fecal remnants with enough enthusiasm to cover every square foot of the highway. Before long, I feel as if my own bile is wishing to join the party, but I tamp down the urge to vomit as best I can. Cole must feel the tiny heave I try and fail to conceal, and rubs a comforting palm up and down my thigh, whispering encouragement just beside my ear. “Keep it up; you’re doing really well.We’re right here if you need us.” My lungs fill with a comforting breath as I sniffle once and nod in return.
I’ve got this. I can do this.
That’s right! You’re a badass bitch! Own that shit!
“...A badass bitch...”
“Yes, you are, Aly,” Cole whispers back, just for me. “You survived months on your own. You survived Earl and his cronies. You survived the zombie-filled basement. You savedme.And you saved them. Us. You. Saved. Us. You are a fucking badass and I can tell you, with one hundred percent certainty, you’ve got this. You’ve just got to own it.” I smile at him, loving his enduring confidence in my abilities, before kissing him briefly on his lips.
“Hey, Jax, we’ve got an opportunity coming up,” Hawk says softly from the front seat, prompting us to turn towards the windows. There’s a small break in the horde. The numbers have dwindled in the group in our direct vicinity and the rest remain in the distance, at least for the moment. They’re still too close for us to escape, but they’re far enough away that we can move more freely about the car’s interior without drawing any attention to ourselves. Hawk lifts his blanket with an idea. “Think we can drape these over the windows on this side? That way we can cover up our presence as well as get George’s ugly mug out of our faces. He’s smells fucking awful.”
“George?”
“Yeah!”he whisper shouts, indicating to the zombie hanging through the window. “He looks like he could’ve been a George. Maybe Michael.” Hawk’s eyes get large with excitement. “Nope, that’s it. He’s George fucking Michael, now.”
