Page 4 of Resurrection
“For your information, the past two days have been absolute Hell, and you just—,” Hawk starts, failing to finish his thought when I take over, refusing to hold in the truth a moment longer.
“I was a second away from putting your ass down. From ending your existence. One fucking second.” I sniff, clenching my jaw at what I almost did...again. “It was fucking terrifying.”
His eyes go round, breaths quickening as he processes just how close it was. He lifts his hand, placing it on Hawk’s shoulder. “Hawk, I’m so sorry. I am so fucking sorry.” He closes the distance once again, placing his forehead against Hawk’s. “Look, I am right here, bro. And I have no intention of leaving or giving up that easily,” Cole says softly, almost as if they were only meant for Hawk’s ears, but loud enough for Aly and myself to understand the meaning behind the words. “I’m ok. Do you hear me? We’re gonna be ok. Yeah?” He nods, pushing Hawk to mimic the movement against him.
“Yeah. We’re gonna be ok.”
“That’s a good fire chicken.” Cole pats Hawk’s cheek, kissing his forehead before lying back down. The endearing nickname brings a soft smile to Hawk’s face as he turns his gaze to Aly.
“Come here, beautiful. Fuck, are you ok?”
She takes his hand in hers before replying, “Yes. No. Fuck, I have no clue.”
He looks down at their joined hands. “You’re shaking….”
“Yeah,” she scoffs. “That tends to happen when you think the person you love is dying.”
Cole sighs dejectedly as he nods, “Right. Fuck. Ok. No more muscle relaxers.” He takes her face in his palms, bringing her close enough that their noses touch. Close enough to see the truth in his eyes. “Aly, I promise you, I’m ok. I’m so sorry I scared you like that. It wasn’t my intention.” She nods quietly before Cole kisses her lips softly. “I love you so much, Aly.”
“I love you, too, Cole.”
He pulls her down to the cushions with him and, with a low, painfilled groan, turns so he’s on his side, cradling Aly into his chest, a contented sigh releasing from both of their lips as he does so before he turns his eyes on me.
“And you….” He points to me seriously, knowing I need his stern guidance to not fall apart right now. “I’m telling you right now, I’m ok... No more trying to shoot me in the face. Got it?” I don’t respond, still reeling from the unfolding events. “For what it’s worth, though... Thanks for giving me that extra second. I didn’t mean to put you through that. Not at all. I’m sorry, Jax. I’m so fucking sorry, man.” A small nod is all I can muster but he seems to accept it for what it is. “Now, someone do me a favor and go get me my antibiotics and a handful of good old-fashioned acetaminophen so we can all get some more sleep before this day has the chance to fuck us over anymore.” Hawk stands up and does as Cole asks, returning with a closed fist of pills as well as a bottle of water. Cole takes them and, with a big gulp, swallows everything at once before wrapping his arms around Aly, kissing her softly on the top of her head. Within seconds he’s passed out again.
Can’t say the same for the rest of us….
Afterthatscare, there’s no use in even trying to get anymore shuteye. We’re just gonna roll around hoping to sleep but end up getting frustrated over the lack of achievement. Regardless, when I look at Aly and Hawk, it’s clear there’s no way they’re going to move away from Cole. It’s like we’re all shellshocked. Absolutely floored. I’m just fucking relieved we didn’t lose Cole today.
I clear my gun, making it safe, before setting it down on the table next to me. My shaking hands lift to my scalp, pulling the strands tight as I let out a long, slow, streaming breath and mutter, “What. The.Fuck.”
Chapter Two
Cole
The sun’s persistent rays sift through the gauzy white curtains, ushering in another day at the end of time while gracefully illuminating the sleepy faces of those I love.
I can’t stop looking at her, cradled in my arms and secure against my chest. She looks so peaceful right now—a façade of what I know truly lurks deep within the recesses of her mind. The necessary smokescreen our brains design to keep us from succumbing to the horrors we’re forced to live through on a daily basis.
Especially after this morning...
I realized after a few hours of snoozing that I had enough sleep. A day and a half worth of sleep to be exact.
Fuck me.
That was a close call.
The looks on their faces didn’t register at first. The quiet sobs, shocked gasps or clenched jaws holding back a world of words didn’t filter through the haze the concoction of drugs created. At Hawk’s outburst, however... Regardless of how sedated I still was, his words, and then theirs, sunk deep.
I almost died.
Jax’s gun was right there.
I have no doubt he’d have done what he needed to if push came to shove... and it would have ruined the man. It took him months to finally muster enough strength to return to everyday life after Emma. Truth be told, he never once left the estate after the incident until Aly came around. Her presence reminded him of what he had done so much that he left the night it manifested itself from one of his nightmares. The same night he unconsciously attacked Aly. The night he was forced to confront his trauma head on and exorcize those demons from his mind.
Is he better now? Hard to say. There’s been progress, but there will always be progress. The pain of having to execute a loved one doesn’t simply vanish into thin air, and, as such, Jax will never be the same. Having to do it twice, however? I’m not sure he would have been able to come back from that in any manner of speaking.
Hawk... His explosion of rage and resentment almost shattered me, but I know he wasn’t actually angry with me. His tears told me enough. The man doesn’t cry.Ever.It’s just not in his nature. Dark humor?Misdirection? Avoidance? Sure. Gut-wrenching tears? Never. The only time I’ve ever seen him do so... was this morning. I can only imagine what the past forty-eight hours looked like through his eyes. Not just my incapacitation, but the entire lead up to it. The zombies getting the jump on me, seeing the damage inflicted on that rickety old dock afterwards, putting themselves back in danger for a chance—a single crap shoot of a fucking chance—that they might save me. And then, add on thinking I was slowly but surely fading away?Fuck.
