Page 31 of Resurrection
She’s out, snoring soundly in my arms. But it doesn’t stop me from running my hands through her hair or prevent me from holding her as tightly as she’ll let me, though. I’m happy she got through that episode and was able to relax and eat afterward, but I’ll be honest, I did not see that going the way it did.
She told me she had the attacks—both anxiety and panic from what I could tell—before meeting us and, at first, I thought we were helping her, seeing as she hadn’t had one since she started living with us back at the estate. Needless to say, I was wrong. The trauma brought about from her abduction restarted her living nightmares, and as such, has resulted in her having quite a few attacks over the winter, including one that required the use of my ropes to help subdue the debilitating symptoms.
Ever since we noticed her triggers, I’ve been working with Aly on various methods to work through her anxiety attacks—meditation, breathing exercises, shibari—but this one? This one was different. Rough at first. I thought we were losing her completely. The exercises I’d suggested were working, but instead of her mind retreating completely as I initially expected, her body took over. What started with a flight response quickly turned into Aly fighting with everything she had, taking control of her fear and using it in the best way she was able. I couldn’t be more proud of her progress.
I sometimes still can’t believe everything that’s happened. What are the chances on a normal day that some random girl drifts into your town and you instantly have a connection? Now add in the fact that most of the population is dead and we’re in the middle of a viral zombie takeover? The probability is staggering.
As I lean back against the car door, basking in the miraculous circumstance and happy with our lives regardless of our current fucked-up circumstances, Hawk turns around in the front seat, munching on the candies his MRE included, and points to the back, jutting his chin in the same direction.
“So whadda y’all wanna do? Twenty questions? I Spy? I might have some cards back there if you wanna go rummaging through my bag for them.” Jax stops rearranging the contents in our packs to turn and gawk at Hawk’s flippancy. I swear, if we weren’t hunkered down in a car surrounded by flesh eating zombies, I’d think we were camping out on a cross-country road trip. “Youknow, to pass the time… keep us all awake.” Hawk’s lips lift, forming his carefree lobsided smile.
Jax and I look at him like he’s crazy for being so…him.I guess we should be used to it by now. He always has been the one to look to when the shit hits the fan. Nothing phases the guy.Ever. He could be tied up in front of a firing squad and he’d be the one telling his own executioners all about how they’re fucking awful at their jobs. Probably call them Stormtroopers at how bad their aim is. Yeah, that sounds like something he’d do.
“Wait, who says you need to stay awake?” Jax responds, holding a hand up between us.
I turn towards Jax, just as confused as Hawk if his expression is anything to go by, and raise my hand, my index finger lifted to the roof. “One question, if I may. Why, the fuck, wouldn’t we?” Firewatch, in the military, always consisted of more than one person holding down the fort. It’s boring as fuck simply staying awake for hours on end in order to alert everyone if something goes down. At the least, we were able to do it in pairs.
“Look,” Jax sighs, “we’ve all been through the ringer, and the infected could be around for hours still. We need to get some rest.”
Hawk nods emphatically. “Uh, yeah.Weneed to get some rest,” he says while pointing his fingers between each of us. “That includes you, big sexy. And if you’re not hitting the sack than neither am I.”
“Or me,” I add.
“And look! I even have the perfect keep-me-up for just such an occasion.” Hawk lifts his bug-out bag from the front footwell and pulls out those godforsaken Rip-it cans. He might be crazy but his stubborn ass has a point. Those things will keep all of us awake until tomorrow morning with no problems. They’re energy drinks on full-speed hyperdrive. But Jax won’t give his suggestion any consideration, shaking his head in frustration at Hawk.
“Oh my God, you guys are the biggest pains in my ass.” Jax directs his glare and ire at Hawk. “Number one, I specifically remember telling your crazy-ass to leave those at the farmhouse. You obviously didn’t listen and have them now so it doesn’t matter anymore, but we should probably save them for when we have no other option. Number two, we need to have sustainable energy for the long haul. Just like overseas.”
Hawk moves to interrupt, no doubt to remind Jax how the drinks actually helped himstayalert when they were overseas, but doesn’t get to as Jax puts a placating hand up. “I get where you’re coming from, Hawk, but all of us staying up all damn night ripped on energy drinks will just make us crash that much harder when we need to be alert. Not to mention, it would potentially leave Aly vulnerable when all three of us pass out for an entire day after they inevitably wear off.” Jax pauses his explanation to look down at Aly, rubbing her ankles in contemplation. Hawk sees this and shakes his head but I can tell he knows Jax is right about this. “Tell you what. We’ll take it in shifts,” Jax continues at our silence. “Ifanything happens, the one on watch will wake the others.”
“No offense, man, but how can you possibly think we can sleep during this.” Hawk lifts his hands to the covered windows and the undead still lurking beyond them. “We’re surrounded. Anything can happen. Anytime.” I look tentatively out the window at the undead still passing by. I can’t help but be on alert. Going to sleep now isn’t going to be an easy task for any of us. Well, except for Aly. Her anxiety attack, paired with way too much fiber-filled food, exhausted her enough that it forced her to sleep. Hawk and myself? Good luck.
“Yeah, and anything could have happened overseas too. Don’t you remember sleeping during the mortars?” Jax asks, which gets us to take a step back and think for a second, remembering how it was on deployment. He’s got a point. It wasn’t easy then, either.
“Hmph,” Hawk snickers. “Or when the fucking Phalanx went off at all hours of the night?” he reminisces, now apparently agreeing with Jax. “Fucking loud as shit but you’re right. When you’re tired, you ass out when you can, not when you want.”
I remember those. I remember having to sleep on the ground in the middle of the desert with nothing but three walls of a demolished shack for cover. The red lights, striated and flecked, tearing through the sky as they took down incoming missiles. The sound, a loud buzzing. Almost like a chainsaw at a lower pitch. After a while, you just got used to it. The macabre symphony of war turned into background music.
It became the norm.
The usual.
The expected.
Just a trumpet of the apocalypse reverberating through the sky all night as it shot off thousands and thousands of rounds a minute, keeping every one of us safe under it all. We could have been hit at any time, but we trusted that weapon to keep us alive.
Just like we need to trust in Jax.
“Ok. Fine. We’ll take it in shifts. Want me to get the first one?” I relent.
Jax shakes his head, always the leader and protector of the group. “Nah bro, get some rest. I’ve got the first shift. I’ll wake you guys up if anything changes until then.”
Both Hawk and I nod in return and move to get comfortable. Groaning as he settles, Hawk takes advantage of having the entire front seat to himself and sprawls out. Sadie is up there as well, only resting quietly on the floor. Thankfully, we took her out to relieve herself before we got on the highway, so she shouldn’t need to go again anytime soon. Wewillneed some sort of plan for the next few hours, however. One of us is going to have to go eventually, and if the horde’s march doesn’t end before then, we’re about to get even closer.
I shimmy down in my seat but try to not change my position that much, not with Aly softly snoozing on my lap. Lifting my arms carefully, I slowly take off myshirt and use it as a pillow, propping it up between my seat and the window.
“Just an hour or so…,” I say to Jax as he takes Aly’s feet and props them further onto his lap, gently rubbing her ankles as he looks out through the crack between the blanket and the window. This is what he does best: looks out for his family. Protecting us with everything he has. He’d never let anything happen to us, which is why I not only trust him withmylife, but with the lives of those I love.
“Sure thing, Doc,” he replies with a soft rise to the corner of his mouth and a nod.
