Page 45 of Something Tangled Something True
“Tonight, at Hidden Valley High, a student by the name of Wade Sansbury has been pronounced dead after being rushed to the hospital during tonight’s game. As you can see in the footage, the student was hit in a tackle that…” Her words are silenced by the rush of anxiety screaming in my blood.
It sounds like a whistle is being blown directly into myeardrums as I clench my eyes shut, warring with the sudden panic taking over my body. My lungs are tight, and no air seems to inflate them.
“Ry?” I hear faintly, but I can’t focus as I struggle to breathe.
“Ry?”
My hands are balled into fists at my sides as I rock back and forth, pleading with my brain not to take me there.
Please, God, don’t make me relive it.
Images of Logan flash in my mind.
That day, that awful fucking day that changed everything. The day that took my best friend from me.
My chest tightens, each breath coming slower, heavier, as if something’s pressing down on me. My throat feels thick, like I’m swallowing around a boulder. The weight on my chest is suffocating, and all I can think is that I just want it to end. My jaw throbs from where I’m grinding my teeth, muscles tensed.
Soft warmth envelops me, pulling me out of the suffocating cloud of panic, its steady presence easing the tightness in my chest, calming the tremble that started deep inside.
“Ryder, hey,” the soft voice says, and I feel something wrap tightly around me. “Ry, fight whatever demon is raging in your mind,please.”
My body seems to fall with the heavy weight over me. My eyes burst open as I crash into the cushions.
A steady hand brushes my cheek, andfinally, I take a deep breath when I see it’s Lola. She’s curled tightly around me, employing herself as my own personal weighted blanket.
“Hi,” she says, smiling softly at me. “You came back to me.”
She brushes a tear from the corner of my eye and continues rubbing the scruff along my jaw.
Worry plagues me.
“I’m sorry for scaring you, darlin’,” I tell her, my voice thick and my mouth dry.
“You didn’t scare me, Ry. You just had me worried for aminute.” She rests her head against my chest, remaining curled around my body as if she were a koala and I’m a piece of eucalyptus.
Several long minutes pass as I work to control my breathing, and when I’m finally able to breathe easily, Lola mumbles into my chest, “I didn’t know you had panic attacks.”
I run my hand up and down her spine, not wanting to have this conversation, but I’m determined not to hide things from her and desperate for her not to leave yet. “I haven’t for a long time, but there was a football player near here who…”
I can’t finish the sentence.
“It’s okay, Ry. I understand.”
“Thank you.” My voice breaks on a silent sob.
Exhaustion settles into my bones, and I let sleep drag me under.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
TAKIN’ CARE OF…HIS WIFE
SATURDAY, MAY 31
It breaksmy heart to know Ryder carries the weight of Logan’s death like this. I know he’d gone to a dark place afterward, almost failing out of college his senior year, but hadn’t realized he’d be triggered a decade later. It makes sense. If anything ever happened to Mayte, I’d be grieving that loss for the rest of my life.
These are the thoughts looming in my mind this morning as I fight to fall asleep.
When Ryder knocked out on the couch last night, I stayed with him as long as I could, but the inflammation from the class started to set in, and I couldn’t fathom a night of sleep anywhere but my bed.
