Page 86 of Always Been You
I was trying to hear what she said, but in the pit of my stomach, I knew there were a few things I could have done better. I leaned back against the wall, trying to prolong the inevitable. I doubt that at four, MJ would fully understand this.
“Shit.” She cursed and pulled a tissue to wipe her tears. She discarded the tissue in the bin and extended her hand in my direction. I took the cue as we walked out of the bathroom hand in hand.
We ran smack dab into my mother, who I could tell was pacing. She was in the living room, alone. She made haste to us.
“I sent everybody to the back of the house. What is going on?” Her eyes were desperate, and her voice anxious.
“Crystal. She gone.” It was still so hard to say that shit, especially when I knew I had to say it a few more times.
“Jesus!” My mother threw her hands on her forehead and sat on the couch.
“Dammit! I knew she was playing a dangerous game! My MJ.” She was in tears, thinking about the person this would hit the hardest, just as we had.
“I gotta tell him,” I said.
“You want us to come with you?” Dyami asked, with my hand still in hers.
“No. I got him.”
I left the ladies in the living room and found MJ in the kitchen with Trina, Chubby, and Chante. When I came into the room, everyone stopped talking. Chubby was the first to stand.
“Bruh.” He approached me, leaving an open-ended invitation to speak. My eyes floated to MJ, who was already out of his seat and on his way to me.
“It’s over. Everybody can go home.” I said, and Chubby locked eyes with me.
“Hey, Daddy. Can we play Roblox?” MJ asked. I looked at him and gave him a faint smile.
“Aye, man. Go to your room. We need to talk.”
“Okay,” MJ said happily. The cheer in his voice fucked with me.
“She didn’t make it?” Chubby whispered only loud enough for me to hear.
I confirmed his inquiry with a head shake and walked to MJ’s room. I hovered outside his door for a moment, giving him the time to bask in bliss as he went immediately to his toys in the corner.
“Come here, baby. Sit down.” I beckoned him.
“What’s up, Dad?” He asked, bouncing over.
“It’s your mom.” My words stopped short as he looked at me with bright eyes. I looked upward and prayed for the strength to tell him this and to be the guidance he needed to get through one of the most challenging conversations I would have to have with him. I was so happy I had an army of support outside of that door, because after this, we both would need it.
Chapter 40
Dyami
“How is he doing?” I asked, almost timidly. Marcos had just walked back into the living room from talking with MJ. Today, we laid Crystal to rest with a beautiful ceremony. It was a busy day, and I vowed to do everything I could to make this day easier for them both. The whole gang was together, and it was so good to see everyone. Even though it had only been a week, I had already missed everyone and grown accustomed to us all being in the same space.
He's doing okay. Just a lot of questions.” He plopped down on the couch next to me. We were finally back home. Well, I was in Marcos’ home. I kept thinking I would eventually migrate back to mine, but the more I stayed, the more I doubted the validity of that thought. It just didn’t feel right at a time like this to leave. Marcos needed my support more than ever, and in his usual fashion, he insisted that Trina stay with us, so it was less for me to keep up with.
“I’m sure. So how are you doing?” I investigated his face to gauge him.
“I’m cool. We're getting through it. The funeral made it real for us all. I’m glad he got a chance to say goodbye.”
“You know, there was nothing else you could do,” I said. He looked forward, still struggling with that fact.
“Well, it ain’t shit else I can do now but answer his questions as they come up.”
“True. Speaking of questions. I have the answer to one he will eventually ask.” I rose from the couch and went over to fetch the envelope from my purse. The results came yesterday, and I knew I had to at least hold off until after the funeral.
