Page 66 of Loving Trent
While Uncle Joey holds pretty much my whole weight, I let out everything. I give this angel sent from heaven, who helps all the broken kids she meets, my entire story. Halfway through, the front door opens, but I don’t lift my head to see who is now witnessing my breakdown. The thing about Mary Hill is that shegets everything out of someone when she wants it. Not only do I tell her about the camp, but I tell her about the insecurity I still hold deep down. The insecurity that all of this will be ripped from me when someone sees something inside me that they don’t like. I tell her that I wouldn’t survive losing the only real family I’ve ever had. I talk so much that my mouth goes dry, and I’m exhausted in all the ways a person can be once my words run out.
“Trent, will you please look at me?” Nana asks, and even though I don’t have the strength to lift my head, I do it anyway. Turning sideways in Uncle Joey’s embrace I focus on Nana and Nana alone. Her blue eyes are wet, her cheeks are red, but there she is smiling. “What you went through is unimaginable. It breaks my heart into a million pieces.” She cups my face and pulls it down, so my forehead is resting against hers. “But as you said, we are a family. You are one of my children, and nothing can take you away.”
“But—”
“No buts about it. Nothing you have told me or will tell me, will change that for me,” she says, not letting me finish.
“How can you be sure?” I whisper. A throat clearing behind her makes me look up. My eyes widen as I see the whole family standing in the living room watching us.
Leon is holding a crying Jenna in his arms. Sadie is staring at me with her head cocked. Jenna looks at me and says, “She still loves me even though I abandoned my children and was a drug addict.”
Emilee reaches over and grabs Jenna’s hand. Parker has his arms wrapped around his wife, George on his hip. But his eyes are on me as he says, “She loves me even though my inaction resulted in Emilee trying to take her own life.”
My eyes glide to Levi, who stiffens at Parker’s words. Tiffani presses a kiss on his cheek before turning back to look at me.“She loves us, and we both kept huge secrets from her. Levi literally ran away from all of us for four years before coming home.”
Carly clears her throat and raises her hand to gain my attention. My chest grows tighter with each confession because even though I already knew their stories, hearing them admit their failings is still hard. But it’s even harder to see that to a parent, true parent, love isn’t conditional. “I tried to take myself out of this family. I thought I was dying, and instead of confiding in her, I accepted my fate. I was ready to die without telling anyone goodbye. Without giving them the chance to be by my side.” Adam kisses his wife’s cheek and tightens his hold on her.
Sammy steps forward, Zak right behind her, and pulls a sobbing Shawn with her. Dylan is standing next to her dad and steps forward with them. “We were complete strangers to her,” she says, looking at Sonny. “But she took one look at us and loved us.” Sammy looks at Shawn and continues, “When Shawn came out, no one saw him as different or wrong because we all love him and don’t care about that. Even though he kept things from us and continues to, we all still love him.”
Boe is the last to speak up but breaks away from the group and heads toward me. I notice that Harley is clinging to his hand and is coming with him. When they get close, she breaks loose and throws herself at me. I let Uncle Joey go and wrap my arms around her. Boe squeezes into the small kitchen and stops right in front of me. “Out of everyone in this room, I’ve done the most. I yelled at her and was a total ass to her, but she still loves me and that will never change.”
Uncle Joey says, “A parent's love isn’t conditional, Trent. Well, it’s not supposed to be. I wish you had spoken about this sooner, but I understand why you didn’t. What Josiah and Eve did… What those bastards at that place did to you. The things they forced inside your head and beat into you until you believedit wasn’t the truth. Nothing is wrong with you. You’re not unlovable.”
“The moment I learned I was pregnant, I made my late husband promise me that we would love all of our children unconditionally. He, of course, did, and we have kept that promise. Everyone in this room is human and has made mistakes. Some more than others,” I look up in time for Nana to look at Jenna, Sammy, and Adam. Everyone knows what she is alluding to. Those three have killed someone, but to be fair, it was to protect someone else in this room. Jenna killed her ex-boyfriend to protect Emilee. Sammy killed the man she was with in order to protect Dylan. Adam killed his biological father to protect Carly.
“But that doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve our love. Trusting that the people in your life won’t hurt you is hard, especially after you have been let down repeatedly. But I hope that all of our actions soon prove to you that you are ours and nothing is going to take that away. You will always be a Hill,” Nana says.
As I glance out at my family, everyone nods in agreement, but when I get to one set of dark green eyes, I can’t look away. Flashes of a future that I want badly flicker through my mind, and Shawn is the star.
More dates.
More time to do everyday things.
More soul-altering kisses.
A wedding.
Multiple kids, with dark green eyes, running around with Harley chasing them.
The people who had me didn’t choose me, but that’s okay because I think I was always meant to be right here, meant to be inthisfamily. I clear my throat, wink at Shawn, and say, “You’reright. I will always be a Hill, but I think I’d like to become a Foster even more.”
Thirty-Two
SHAWN
Staying away from Trent isn’t possible any longer. The need to hold him in my arms is a physical thing, tearing away at the very fabric of my being. Crossing the room with everyone’s eyes on me as my chest burns from the lack of oxygen seems like it takes forever. It’s as if the hardwood floors have transitioned into quicksand, but I push through it all. Harley unwraps her arms from Trent’s waist as I wrap my hand around his biceps. Uncle Joey moves to plaster himself to the cabinet as I yank Trent backwards. Someone laughs from the living room, but it’s like static to my ears as I maneuver Trent in front of me and push him toward Emilee’s old room.
I think I’d like to become a Foster even more.
As soon as we cross the threshold of the room, my foot kicks the door shut, Trent spins around, and is in my arms where he will be for the rest of his fucking life. His cheeks are still wet as they press against my neck, and his body trembles with the leftover waves of his heart-wrenching sobs.
“I’ve got you, Baby. I love you and I’m never letting you go.” My lips brush his shoulder as I repeat myself over and over. I’ll tell him all of this every single day for the rest of my life. My lastwords on this earth will be those if that’s what it takes to make sure his demons never get their claws back into him.
Slowly, I pull him away from me because I need to see his soul melting eyes. Pushing Trent’s thick hair away from his forehead, I press my lips to it. I breathe in his woodsy smell, which I now know comes from his body wash. He isn’t a big cologne guy, but doesn’t need it. “Did you mean it?” I mumble, my lips brushing against his skin as I refuse to remove them from him for a second.
Trent pushes his body harder against mine, his arms tighten around my waist, and even his legs squeeze mine tighter as if he doesn’t want an inch between us. “All of it.”
My heart does that stupid fluttering that it did minutes ago when he said he wanted to become a Foster for the first time. That was the first time it didn’t feel like an invisible hand was crushing my heart since Harley peeked inside and saw Trent breaking down. We all rushed inside to make sure he was alright. Which only served to triple my love for my family. Hearing how scared he was that all of this would be ripped away from him because of his shortcomings almost brought me to my knees. They were shaking so badly that had Sammy not grabbed my hand, I would have crumbled to the floor.
