Page 34 of Loving Trent
Pulling Maria back, I look into her eyes, sharpening my tone until it is clear to say don’t push me as I say, “And she chose to come with me. That’s all you need to know.”
Maria makes a sound of either surprise or apprehension. I’m not sure, and I don’t really care. Although it does cause me to throw up walls for the first time with her. “So… you’re what? Going to raise her?”
“Yes.” I don’t appreciate what she is hinting at, and I have no issues letting her know. “Why shouldn’t I? She feels safe with me because she is. I know what she went through, and I can help her work through it all.”
Maria lets me go and holds her hands up in front of her, but the gesture does nothing to calm me down. “I don’t mean anything bad, Trent. But that’s a lot of work taking on a teenager. Are you sure?—”
Hurt like I’ve never felt before shoots through me, and I can’t stand being close to her anymore. I stand up and move off the steps onto the sidewalk. “Don’t, Maria! Don’t ask me if I’m sure. I don’t know why you can’t see that I’m committed to this, to that girl who has had everyone turn their back on her. I won’t be another person who lets her down. Yeah, it will be a lot of work, but I’m willing to put in that work. This decision isn’t yours to make, and quite frankly, it isn’t something I want anyone’s opinion about either. You can either support me like I’ve supported you, or you can fuck off.”
Before I say anything else that might completely burn our friendship to the ground, I spin on my heels and walk off into the night. If I stick around any longer, I’m going to say something I can’t take back. Something that might hurt both of us. I’m notsure where I’m going, but it doesn’t matter. I force myself to focus on the sound of the gravel crunching beneath my feet, the cold air stinging my face, and the quiet of the night.
Fuck anyone who tries to tell me I’m doing the wrong thing. How can protecting an innocent child be wrong? How is offering someone who has no family left a chance at a real family the bad thing to do?
I continue walking until the moment that my anger dies, and then I turn around to head back to Nana’s place. Maria and I will eventually make up, but it won’t be tonight. She only has two options: get on board with this or keep her mouth shut. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m not changing my mind about keeping Harley. By the looks of the trailer, someone is either waiting up or has left a light on for me. I open the front door as quietly as possible. The person sitting at the table with a cup of milk in front of her is who I suspected. Nana.
“Everything okay?”
“Not really, but it will be. You didn’t have to wait up for me,” I say while kicking off my boots.
Nana shrugs and takes a small sip. “I can’t sleep unless all my kids are home. I wasn’t the only person who stayed up.” She motions with her head toward the couch.
Harley is curled up under a throw blanket with her raven hair fanning out around her. She looks so much younger when she is fast asleep. “She stayed up?” That fact drills in the fact that nothing about what I’m doing is wrong.
“Sure did. She was worried about you. Come sit and tell me what’s bothering you.” Nana pushes out the chair beside her, and I move toward it.
“Some people in my life have suggested that maybe I’m not the best person for Harley.”
“Well, that was stupid of them. One look at the two of you, and it’s plain as day… You are the only person that little girlwants to be her guardian. I’ve learned that there will always be someone who disagrees with our decisions. There will never come a day when we will make everyone happy, and that’s okay. All that matters is what Harley wants,” Nana says, laying her hand on top of mine.
“I’m not giving up on her. I will continue to be here for her until she says she wants something different. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m not going to make her list of people who let her down any longer by adding my name.” Looking into Nana’s blue eyes, all I see is compassion, pride, and determination.
“I know you won’t, and that is admirable. Don’t you worry, I’ve got your back against anyone who thinks they have a say in your life. Trent, you really are an angel to her.”
“Thank you.”
She finishes her cup and stands up. “Now that you’re home, I’m going to go to bed.” She leans down and presses a kiss on my cheek. “Goodnight, sweetie.”
“Night, Nana.” Warmth that can only come from a mother’s love fills me and seeps into the cracks left behind by the abandonment from Eve.
I watch her until her bedroom door shuts. I take her glass into the kitchen, wash it, and place it in the drying rack. Then, I make my way back to the couch. Bending down, I slip my arms under Harley and lift her into my arms. She stirs and looks up at me. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, Firecracker, I am. Let’s get you in bed.”
She snuggles against my chest and sighs. “Thank you, Trent. You’re like the dad I’ve always wanted.”
My throat clogs with emotions, but I push them down for the moment. After depositing her into the bed, I stand here for a second and look at her. “I’ll never leave you or let anyone hurt you again. I promise.” I don’t look at Maria asleep next to Harley because I’m still hurt by her.
Instead of going into the room I’ve been sleeping in, I head back to the couch for the night. As I lay in the dark, I start going over all I need to do. Until I hear the sound of a door opening and soft footsteps coming from the hallway.
Seventeen
SHAWN
I don’t know why I’m doing this. Sneaking out of my room to go find a complete and total stranger to me, but it feels right. Something is drawing me toward Trent. An invisible string wrapped around my heart, tugging it forward. For the first time in months—if I’m honest with myself—I felt safe sitting outside with him. When he held my hand and cupped my face, the white noise filling my head, the restless nervousness constantly running rampant through my veins, and the cruel words thrown at me grew quiet.
I’ve been lying in bed trying to fall asleep for the past hour. Forcing my brain to stop obsessing about him and creating fantasies about him was difficult. But I had almost achieved it when his deep voice seeped through the thin walls. My body heated up, my heart started racing, and I became dizzy. Hearing him passionately talk about not being someone who lets down Harley did something to me. My heart begged to hear him talk about not giving me up like that. But that’s crazy. He’s a complete stranger to me. I shouldn’t want anything from him without getting to know him better.
Which is what I’m clinging to right now as an excuse to be seeking him out. When we were talking outside, I was calmerand more relaxed. Maybe I can fall asleep if we talk again, even if it’s just for a few seconds. “Shawn, what’s wrong?”
